Football is finally back! Coach Belichick is so excited he nearly knocked over his wife with a Brady/Gisele baby-making level pregame kiss.
The overreaction Tuesday morning was staggering, after week 1 of the NFL season every analyst and fan is more ready to boom or bust than a porn star who’s nominated for best actress in a multi-character scene award at the Stiffy’s.
Week 1 Most Impressive Win
No Tom Brady? No problem. Traveling 2,600 miles to play an NFC Superbowl contender with an aggressive, scary defense? No problem. Jimmy Garoppolo starting for the first time in his career? No problem. No Gronk? No problem.
Jimmy Garoppolo threw for 264 yards and a touchdown, leading the New England Patriots to a 23-21 victory over the favored Arizona Cardinals.
Arizona’s Chandler Catanzaro missed a 47-yard field goal with 41 seconds to play that would’ve given the Cards the game (ouch). The “laces-out-Dan” came after Garoppolo directed the Patriots from their own 19 to the Arizona 15 to set up Stephen Gostkowski‘s 23-yard field goal for what proved to be the winner with 3:44 to play.
Why does it feel like the Pats are gonna go 3-1 or 4-0 without Brady and then cruise through the regular season? It just feels like the hurricane is coming when they get healthy.
Week 1 Most Disappointing Loss
My word the Rams looked terrible. I’m forever convinced that whatever team is the focus of HBO’s Hard Knocks, is destined to have a terrible season similar to the “Madden Curse”. The Rams offense looked like an unfolded lawn chair on Sunday. Top 3 fantasy running back and Carl’s Junior burger rep, Todd Gurley, ran for 47 yds on 17 carries, while the “I guess he’s our starter” QB, Case Keenum tossed for 130 yds on 17-30 passing. The Rams consumed a total of 10 first downs the entire game, and 185 total yards which ranks them 31st in the league (how is that NOT last place? Oh yeah, Buffalo). The 49ers are on the brink of full dumpster-fire status and yet the Rams are currently worse, I know it’s a long season but the inaugural return football to LA looks like any Nic Cage movie NOT titled “Raising Arizona” or “The Rock” or “Face Off”……..just BAD from the very first second.
Week 1 Most Annoying Topic
Josh Norman NOT shadowing Antonio Brown, thus AB proceeding to torch the Redskins in video game-ish form going for 126 yards receiving and 2 TDs. Seriously, Antonio Brown is more unguardable than Steph Curry would be if the defender was wearing ice skates.
Having said that, it’s mind-boggling that the Redskins DIDN’T put Norman on Brown the entire game. There’s no answer that makes sense for that strategy. “Don’t let the other guys beat us” strategies very rarely work, especially in the NFL when it comes to an offense that clicks harder than Adam Sandler with a remote control and a badly conceptualized comedy.
But at this point, I’ve heard enough. Move on from Josh Norman and the Redskins, they don’t matter in the NFC anyway, it’s Carolina and Arizona’s conference to lose this season.
Week 2 (and future) Questions
- Is Denver real? Can they keep the running game going and hide the fact that they really don’t have a QB? Or will Simeon turn into a player?
- Will Carolina lose another game this season?
- What the hell is going on with Seattle?
- Oakland is scary folks, seriously. Check them out.
- Pittsburgh’s offense may end up being the best in the NFL this season, can they do enough on defense and stay healthy enough to make another Superbowl run? (I really like watching Big Ben play QB, don’t you?)