Tristan Thompson – The Kevin Federline Of The NBA

Tristan Thompson….

Khloe Kardashian’s boyfriend Cleveland Cavaliers’ TMZ-walking hard-on, has reportedly cheated on his baby mama, yet again. This time, it was with a lady named Jordyn Woods, who is the best friend offffffffff – Khloe’s younger sister Kylie Jenner. It’s an atrocious dumpster fire of a reality show that I’d never actually watch, but I can’t help but ask the question – WHY TRISTAN THOMPSON?!?!

What is it about this 13th-offensive option on the Cavs that all these Kardashian flunkeys start fanning themselves with hundred dollar bills and instinctively flock to his nether-regions like the salmon of cock-istrano!?!?

If this sounds like a bad (insert any rapper with a “lil” in their name) song on constant repeat, that’s because Tristan Thompson, AKA Kanye’s future brother-in-law, reportedly cheated on Khloe while she was pregnant with their daughter last year.

In true Federline enigma status, the concept of Thompson being the most sought-after man in Cleveland is absolutely mind-boggling. Scientists will no doubt ponder and study this universe-bending exploration of unbalanced checks and balances for years and years, with no viable conclusion.

Kinda like Big Foot.


You’d think these ladies would occasionally check out a game or a stat sheet or watch a second of ESPN before they went fishing for “Richard”. At the very least go for a fella with a decent PER (Thompson 18.69), John Hollinger should create an analytical NBA rankings-based dating app to make it easier for everyone involved.

He could call it “Hook-Shot” or “Diamond & One” or maybe “One & Done”.

*Just for reference, Joakim Noah (yes, he’s still on a roster), Ivica Zubac (huh?), Jakob Poeltl (huh?), and Ivan Raab (ummm?) all have higher PERs than Mr. Thompson-Kardashian.

I can’t even begin to imagine the horror that this Jordyn Woods person is dealing with currently. Putting a relationship with her billionaire best friend on the chopping block for a piece of Tristan’s Thompson (see what I did there?) is like chopping off your finger when cutting open the fish stick freezer bag – it’s just not worth it.

I’ll never understand women.

9.2 ppg – 8.6 rpg – 0.7 bpg

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Adidas Money Men Go To Jail

This was originally posted on deadpsin.com

Evil Men Sentenced To Prison For Giving College Basketball Players Some Money

Photo: Bebeto Mathews, Seth Wenig (AP)

Former Adidas director of global sports marketing for basketball James Gatto, former Adidas consultant Merl Code, and sports business manager Christian Dawkins were all sentenced to prison today for their roles in a college basketball corruption scandal that amounted to a few players and their families receiving a little extra cash.

Gatto will get nine months in prison, while Code and Dawkins will each get six, for the crimes of wire fraud and wire fraud conspiracy. All three men are going to appeal their convictions, while Code and Dawkins are both set for another trial in April for alleged payments to assistant coaches at Arizona, USC, and Oklahoma State.Outstream Video00:0000:00

After the sentences were announced, U.S. Attorney Robert Khuzami got hyperbolically moralistic about the fact that these guys would spend time behind bars:

“The sentences imposed today only begin to reflect the magnitude of the harm these defendants caused through a scheme that not only defrauded multiple public universities but upended the lives of young student-athletes and corrupted a game cherished by so many. Today’s sentences send a clear message to those who might be similarly tempted to corrupt collegiate athletics for their own personal gain that defrauding schools in connection with athletic scholarships is not just a rules violation but a crime, one that will result in a prison term.”

What exactly was the “magnitude of the harm?” Let’s recap:

  • Gatto, Code, and Dawkins helped funnel $100,000 to the father of Brian Bowen, a Louisville recruit, so Bowen would could commit to play at the Adidas-sponsored school.
  • Gatto and former Adidas consultant Thomas Gassnola (who is awaiting his own sentence) funneled $90,000 to Billy Preston’s family, and agreed to funnel money to the legal guardian of Silvio De Sousa, so both would commit to play for Adidas-sponsored Kansas.
  • Gatto and Gassnola helped funnel $40,000 from Adidas to the family of Dennis Smith Jr., so he wouldn’t de-commit from Adidas-sponsored NC State.

No doubt, some harm came out of these actions. Smith was fine, playing a year at NC State and then getting drafted ninth overall in 2017. But Bowen, who entered college a year later, never played for Louisville because the FBI investigative report revealed his family had taken payments. He transferred to South Carolina in January 2018, but eventually decided to go pro rather than follow NCAA regulations and sit out two semesters until January 2019. He now plays in Australia.

Preston fell under NCAA investigation over the “financial picture” of his vehicle after he was involved in a car accident in November 2017, and never played a regular season game for Kansas. He left school in January of 2018 as the investigation dragged on, and he’s in the NBA’s developmental league now.

De Sousa is still at Kansas, and played as a freshman. But the NCAA ruled that he would be forced to sit out the entirety of his 2018-19 and 2019-20 season, because of something he says he didn’t even know about.

So, yes, Khuzami is right that these payments “upended the lives of young student-athletes,” but in every case the harm was caused by the NCAA’s draconian punishments for accepting money that the players should have already been entitled to. Gatto, Code, and Dawkins are by no means noble men just for giving some folks cash, but what they’re really going to prison for is simply carrying out a basic tenant of capitalism: paying the people who will help them make more money.

By the way, absolutely no harm befell any of the programs affected by the payments. NC State, Kansas, and Louisville are all projected to make the NCAA Tournament this month.

Darren McFadden fell asleep in a Whataburger drive-through

According to McKinney (Tex.) police, via the Dallas Morning News, former Cowboys, Raiders and University of Arkansas running back Darren McFadden was arrested early Monday morning in the Dallas suburb and charged with driving while intoxicated and resisting arrest. McFadden was discovered asleep in his car (I mean, who hasn’t done this?) by employees of a McKinney Whataburger just after midnight. He was arrested shortly after.

McFadden was released from police custody on personal recognizance after being booked just after 10 a.m Monday morning. Collin County arrest records show that McFadden, who does not have an attorney listed, was ordered by a court to install an ignition interlock device on his car.

De’Aaron Fox has some advice for everyone

Don’t jump with De’Aaron Fox – also don’t challenge him to a foot-race. You’ll lose both bets 100 out of 100 times. Far-be-it from me to blow smoke about a Kentucky guy, but dear Lord….the man is bionic and must be acknowledged publicly.

Normally Sacramento is where hoopers fade away, but before the brilliant spectrum of De’Aaron Fox’s timeline in Sacramento inevitably reduces to gray – please take a moment to watch a Kings game and appreciate the poetry in motion.

Corgis racing, cause you deserve it

The 2018 Corgi Cup finally has a crowned winner: “Napoleon” is officially the Usain Bolt of corgi racing.

If you’re unfamiliar – corgi racing is a ritualistic, Seattle-based display of athleticism and conviction by the most unlikely of creatures, the corgi dog. 

Monday night at halftime of the Seattle Seahawks croquet match-disguised as a football game, the corgis were let loose in a fashion that only the most prestigious olympic sprinters could truly appreciate.

The event even had corporate sponsorship, thanks Bud Light.

Like a true champion bread for athletic prowess, Napoleon shoulder-pushed his way to victory with no concern for his opponents toil and drudge or any regard for the laws of gravity.  

I hear Disney already has the rights to Napoleon’s story. 

 

World Magic Championships winning trick will make you cross-eyed

It’s rare to find a write-up about magic on this site…unless we’re talking about Magic Johnson or the illustrious career of the legendary Magic Man himself, Cal Naughton Jr.

Now ya see me, now ya don’t!

The International Federation of Magic Societies only holds its World Championships of Magic every three years, kinda like the Nobel Peace Prize or the Pulitzer Prize…except more difficult to win. Seriously, you think Gandhi or Robert Frost knew any good card tricks?

Doubtful.

Close-up magician Eric Chien manages to squeeze so many impossible tricks into his World Championships of Magic-winning routine, that the 6-minute youtube video below will seem like a blink of an eye – leaving you desperate for more. 

Enjoy the rest of your life knowing that sorcerers and wizards are living amongst us all, nothing makes sense anymore. Time isn’t linear, space is vast and endless, up is down and left is now right. 

Should we talk about Derrick Rose yet?

Vintage D-Rose has risen in the land of no sun

Is it 2010?

If you concentrate hard enough, you can almost hear Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger” faintly in the background (yes, that song is 8 years old) and everyone in a 5-foot vicinity discussing with vigor, theories for what really happened at the end of “Inception.”

 – Just for the record, the spinning top is the totem of Cobb’s dead wife, Mal (Marion Cotillard), Leo’s totem is his wedding ring. Therefore, the whole scene means nothing in terms of his own reality. So, there ya go.

To everyone’s surprise, on Halloween, Derrick Rose costumed himself as a former MVP-level Derrick Rose, instead of the rickity-knee, walking boot ghost of an NBA point guard that we’ve seen repeatedly for the last 8 seasons. 

But on All Hallow’s Eve, the specter of what once was and could be again appeared before us. Check out this stat-line: 50 points on 19-31 shooting (61%), 4-7 from three-point (57%), 8-11 freethrows (72.7%), 4 rebounds, 6 assists and a +10 on the +/- scale. 

At first glance, this may have been 50-point explosion of a fluke game – but even so, can we take a moment to give some props for D-Rose’s single game career-high effort!

How is this possible? How has he never reached the 50-club previously?

How could a player who has never pinnacled the rare air of a 50-point game, pull this rabbit out of a hat at the age of 30 after three major knee surgeries, and being left behind to basketball-Narnia in the great white north? 

But this is just an outlier right? Or is D-Rose really back?

(Photo by David Sherman/NBAE via Getty Images)

In the two games that followed the 50-point explosion, Rose only played 5 minutes total. A well-earned couple of nights off, I suppose. 

But, when Rose returned at full energy on Monday, November 5th – he picked up right where he left off. Facing the Clippers in LA, Rose went 8-20 from the field for 21 points, 3 rebounds, and 4 assists. Then, two nights later against the LA Lebrons, vintage D-Rose went off again for a smooth 31 points on 11-17 shooting with 7 three-pointers (single game, career-high), 3 rebounds, and 5 assists. 

Over the course of just more than a week, Rose is averaging 26.5 ppg, 2.5 rpg, 4.3 assists, shooting 57% from the field and a STAGGERING 65% from the three-point line!


“Me turning 30, it plays into learning who I am as a man, learning who my family is,” Rose said. “My mom is a worrier. She has faith, but she worries. The genetics, I think, rubbed off on me. When I was younger, I used to worry a lot. But I told myself, ‘All of this is out of my control anyway. Why am I frustrated with this, worried about that, when at the end of the day, I am happy and I believe in myself?’


“I never went in deep with it. I am like, ‘Man, I am not going to be like Mom.’ That was my goal. That is what ended up happening until I got perspective of the whole situation.”


“I am in year 11 now. I tore my ACL in my third year. Most guys would have been retired. Financially, I have saved my money. It’s all about the love. I still feel like I can hoop.”

– Derrick Rose 

The Rose has regained it’s full bloom, let’s take the time to enjoy the smell while we still have the opportunity to do so.  

JR Smith – still ballin

Really bro? Really?

According to ESPN, Cleveland Cavaliers guard JR Smith will accept a deal that requires him to pay $600 to a fan after he tossed the fan’s cellphone into a New York City construction site in late July.

Smith was issued a desk ticket for misdemeanor criminal mischief as a result of the incident.

On July 26, a man told police that Smith grabbed his cellphone and threw it into a construction zone in Manhattan after the man tried to take a picture of Smith.

Spiro told reporters that Smith, 32, will pay $600 in restitution to the fan for his lost phone.

“We have reached dismissal in Cellphone-gate,” Spiro quipped to reporters.

Sounds like JR Smith is still taking bad shots and turning the ball over. 

though shalt not tatto my face on your nipple