Lithuanian JV-Pro Team Signs The Ball Brothers

If you’ve been weeping tears of agony about how the Ball brothers would land on their feet, don’t you worry anymore.  LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball have reached an agreement to sign professional basketball deals with Lithuanian club Prienu Vytautas, according to ESPN’s Jeff Goodman.

Perspective is important in life:

Vytautas plays in the Lithuanian (LKL) league, but it’s more likely that I get time on the court for this league than the Ball brothers.  The word on the Lithuanian cobblestone streets is that the brothers would possibly see playing time in the lesser competitive (Junior Varsity) Baltic League, otherwise known as the outdoor, uphill-grass league. The team has discussed a role of 20 to 25 minutes a game apiece in the Baltic League.

Even more perspective, that I honestly couldn’t even make up if I tried:

  • Prienu Vytautas, or (JV) BC Prienai as it’s sometimes called, is a low-level club from a small, non-English speaking village of roughly 10,000 people in southern Lithuania (beautiful country, I hear). The team has major financial issues, and started the season losing eight of its first 12 games in the Lithuanian league.
  • The club plays in a 1,700-seat arena; 500 of those seats are reserved for team sponsors and their friends. Tickets cost around 5 euro and at halftime Jackie Moon wrestles a live bear.
  • The team has no general manager and doesn’t practice regularly due to the poor financial situation.  But they do hold team bake sales every Sunday morning at the Kepta Duona Farmers Market.  I’m told the Grybukai is to die for.
  • The team’s best player currently is the coach’s son, Edvinas Seskus, who was considered a huge prospect as a teenager but didn’t develop as expected, partially due to injuries and also due to the lack of internet in Southern Lithuania.
  • The JV team is 4-1 in the Baltic League after its country-wide stunner of a loss came on a forfeiture. The game was abandoned with three minutes to go at 65-65 after the coach was ejected due to syphilis, err uhhh, due to arguing with the referees. 

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Hey You! Wanna Play Goalie Tonight?

I don’t know much about hockey, but I know this is awesome.  Vending machine stocker and grad student, Tyler Stewart was just finishing his 5am shift when he got the call that EVERY adult-rec league player in any sport dreams of.  The St. Louis Blues backup goalie Carter Hutton had hurt his foot in the morning skate and AHL goalie Ville Husso wouldn’t be able to get there from San Antonio in time for the start of the game.  So Stewart, 25, a Blues season-ticket holder in section 313, signed an amateur tryout contract and suited up as St. Louis’s backup.

Stewart rushed to his wife’s car, grabbed his gear and made his way to the arena.

“I got to listen to the pregame speech with [Mike] Yeo,” Stewart said. “It’s crazy how loose they are. You would think they’d be tight a little, but they’re joking around like you wouldn’t even think they’re playing a hockey game. It’s a cool environment, nothing like I’d ever experienced before.

“I sat next to Tarasenko. He was awesome. Him and [Vladimir] Sobotka were asking me how to spell scissors because they were confused about the spelling. They were saying it as Caesar, like Caesar salad. It was pretty funny. They just talked to me like I was one of the guys. It was pretty cool.”

Stewart has a hockey background, he played club hockey at St. Louis University and now plays in a men’s league locally.  Now he can add NHL goalie to his list of accolades, which would make him the most popular player in any rec league.

This type of occurrence seems to be a bit of trend in the NHL, which honestly makes me wanna watch more hockey.  You’d never see anything like this in any other pro sport, from the vending machines strait to the bench in less than 2 hours.

-The Hurricanes Playing Their Equipment Manager As Emergency Goalie Is The Best Kind Of Cheesy Sports Story-

-Coyotes Dress Bank Manager As Emergency Goalie-

 

 

 

Lavar – Washes His Hands Of College – Ball

The dog & pony show successfully reached ludacris speed in the world of the unproven, loud-mouthed, sports helicoptering parents today as Lavar Ball announced that his two younger sons had signed with a sports agent and will forgo college athletics.  Both LiAngelo (recent UCLA drop-out/shoplifter) and 16-year-old LaMelo had signed with agent Harrison Gaines and would, (and I quote): “soon sign deals to play overseas”. Gaines, who represents Lakers point guard and eldest Ball-brother,  Lonzo Ball, has already reportedly been in contact with a handful of teams in Europe and Asia (Seriously?  Asia!?!?  Come on man!) about the services of the Ball brothers, neither of whom HAVE EVER PLAYED IN A COLLEGE GAME.

By NCAA rules, both the Ball brothers will not be eligible to play collegiate sports since they have given up their amateur status and signed with the agent.  In the past, players with success in the NBA that have forgone college all together to play overseas have been scarce since the one-and-done rule has taken effect.  In 2015, Emmanuel Mudiay was taken No. 7 overall and in 2009, Brandon Jennings was taken No. 10, both players skipped college and went strait to professional hoops in Europe.  Most recently, 5-star high school recruit Terrance Ferguson  opted for playing overseas instead of going to college for a year, now 2 seasons later and a trip to the D-League, he sits on the end of the bench for the OKC Thunder.

A less-successful example is Jeremy Tyler from San Diego.  Jeremy left high school in 2009 after his sophomore year to play overseas, after a year in Israel and a year in Japan he was drafted in the 2nd round of the NBA draft by the Charlotte Bobcats who then traded him to Golden State.  After playing on four different NBDL teams, six different overseas teams and three very quick stints on an NBA roster, Jeremy is 26 years old and currently playing in Australia for the Sydney Kings averaging 12.5 ppg and 6.5 rpg.

Jeremy Tyler, Sydney Kings

For the Ball brothers, according to EVERY NBA analyst and scout,  LiAngelo doesn’t project out to be an NBA player, and while LaMelo is a top high school recruit, he’s also 16 years old and years away from possible draft eligibility.   Don’t bother looking up videos of either of the younger Ball brothers in high school, it’s complete basketball Narnia filled with edited “highlight”reels and awful competition, even for high school standards.

Lavar Ball has successfully ruined school and any chance of a quality, normal education for his youngest sons, can’t wait to see what he’s gonna do for his next trick when/if any of his sons can’t hack it on the court, much less real life.  So far all he’s successfully done is create hostility and contempt towards his young basket-Ballers, not to mention the a general lack of a firm grasp on reality.

 

 

The IOC Gets It

The IOC totally gets it, yet our President and subsequent clown-car congress seems to NOT get it at all.  Unbelievably, the Olympic Committee seams to be the only group of old, white men on the planet who can do anything about Russia’s villainous existence….well, them and maybe Liam Neeson.


IOC Bans Russia From The 2018 Winter Olympics For Absurdly Intricate Doping Scheme

Photo: Oleg Nikishin/Getty Images

The International Olympic Committee announced today that it has banned Russia—but not all Russian athletes—from the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, as an unprecedented punishment for systemic doping, including at the 2014 Games in Sochi.

Russian athletes who pass drug tests and are approved by a panel will be able to compete under the name “Olympic Athlete from Russia (OAR).” The Russian flag will not be shown, athletes will not compete in Russian uniforms, and the Russian anthem will not be played for any ceremonies. No official from the Russian Ministry of Sport will be allowed at the 2018 Olympics.

By name, the following officials had their titles and responsibilities stripped:

To exclude the then Minister of Sport, Mr Vitaly Mutko, and his then Deputy Minister, Mr. Yuri Nagornykh, from any participation in all future Olympic Games.

To withdraw Mr Dmitry Chernyshenko, the former CEO of the Organising Committee Sochi 2014, from the Coordination Commission Beijing 2022.

To suspend ROC President Alexander Zhukov as an IOC Member, given that his membership is linked to his position as ROC President.

The New York Times had reported in 2016 that Russia had coordinated an enormous state-run doping scheme for a number of their athletes. According to the report, Russian officials had snuck into the anti-doping laboratory in order to swap out dirty urine samples with clean ones. Grigory Rodchenkov, the director of the lab, revealed the process.

It Has Been Decided, The College Football Playoff

The first three teams announced for the college football playoff were no surprise. Clemson was number one, after their savage beatdown of Miami last night, and they were followed by Big 12 champion Oklahoma and SEC champs Georgia, who will play each other in the Rose Bowl.

This is the third straight year that Clemson will face Bama in the college football postseason. The two programs have split the last two title games by a combined margin of victory of nine points. They’ll meet again in the Sugar Bowl semifinal, which will take place along with the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day.

Best Touchdown Celebration Of The Day

After Leonard Fournette’s 5-yard touchdown run today, he lined himself up for the extra point with the help of several teammates, check out that form on the freethrow!

Fournette must’ve been fouled when scoring his TD, I hope he yelled out “And One!” at the top of his lungs as he scored.

The Denver Broncos Are…..Bad

After starting the season 3-1 and demolishing the Dallas Cowboys in the process, the Broncos looked on their way to a competitive, possibly playoff-filled season in 2017.  Fast-forward to Week 6, the one-win New York football Giants come to town and EVERY SINGLE wheel on the wagon flies off, barreling down the road, spontaneously catching fire eventually murdering puppies and setting ablaze anything you hold dear in your life.

Now after yesterday’s beyond-frustrating loss to the Cincinnati Bengals, we sit at 3-7 and firmly in last place in the AFC West.  If there was ever a must-win game this season, it was on Sunday.  Here we sit, two years removed from a Super Bowl victory, third degree burns on our body, and our faces stuck in “The Ring” position:

But who’s to blame?

As taboo as it may sound, I blame John Elway.

When Peyton Manning came to Denver in 2012, everyone knew it was his last hurrah.  Four neck surgeries under his belt, but with a little gas left in the tank was the word floating around Manning’s third and final act to his career.  Two Super Bowl appearances with the Broncos, one devastating loss to Seattle and one GREAT win over Cam Newton’s Carolina Panthers helped put an exclamation point on his greatness and HOF career while also procuring Denver’s Papa John’s pizza sales to an all-time high.

Here’s where Elway fits in, when Manning limped his way through the 2015 season with a Super Bowl caliber defense leading the way, Elway had to of seen that the future of the franchise was based on one simple truth: We need a QB for the future worse than Cleveland needs a……well, everything I guess.

Two seasons later we have no actual QB and yet somehow Brock Osweiler is starting games for us after we ran him outta town and he got dumped by two other teams, one of which was the aforementioned Cleveland Frowns.  We’re wasting away our top 5 defense, the prime Von Miller years and any and every opportunity to get back to a Super Bowl.  I mean, Elway couldn’t possibly believe that Trevor Siemian, Paxton Lynch or Brock Osweiler were REALLY going to be the follow-up to Manning, right??  Without opening a whole new can of worms here, Colin Kaepernick is available……I’m just saying.

The Broncos went 12-4 and won the Super Bowl just two seasons ago, and sure there are all sorts of fun, interesting ways to explain the fact that they are now 3-7 and done for the season.  The running game is garbage, our Special Teams looks like a 7th grade JV squad at best. Seriously, what’s going on with our special teams?  You fire Mike McCoy but somehow Brock Olivo (special teams coach) is still cashing checks?  Does he get paid per muffed punt and by opposing team’s Touchdowns?

But the biggest reason is also the most obvious one and the golden rule in the NFL: They don’t have a decent quarterback, and the blame for that rests entirely with Elway.

Firing Mike McCoy is a waste of time at this point in the season, without a QB who can complete a pass beyond 15 yards consistently, nothing else matters.  The Broncos STILL have incredible talent at the skill positions and on the defensive side of the ball, but with no captain at the helm, the blow-up raft of a football team is heading for a glacier the size of the Red Rocks Amphitheater.