Turns out, Jay Cutler is kinda awesome

The fact that Jay Cutler is on a cheesy reality TV show is about as perfect a life that any football fan or former Jay Cutler hater could ask for. Possibly the only topper to the actual show itself is the hysterical digital name card that appears any time Jay walks into a room.

“Jay – Kristin’s Husband”

I especially enjoyed the line where Jay’s wife, Kristin says: “I think it’s one of the weirdest things in the world to have a shrine to yourself, I know what I look like.” referring to a giant glamour shot of herself that apparently she doesn’t need hanging up on the wall – but nevermind the reality TV show that you’re a part of airing on the E! Network, cause that’s not a shrine to yourself at all, is it, Kristin?

Far be it for me to wax intellectual about “Keeping up with the Cavallari’s” or whatever the title of the show is, but go ahead and watch these clips and then try and tell me you don’t think a little better of Jay Cutler by the end of them?

His “Smokin Jay” attitude mocks everything dumb about shows like this as if he’s looking right into the camera and saying to the audience, “Hey, this is dumb – you’re dumb for watching this trash. But I don’t care, cause I’m getting paid.”

Jay Cutler deserves a job on an NFL team.

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Aaron Donald finally got PAID

“Please have a seat” – Aaron Donald

The Los Angeles Rams and defensive tackle Aaron Donald have agreed to a six-year deal, the team announced.

The deal is worth $135 million, including $87 million guaranteed, a source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter.

It’s the richest defensive deal in NFL history and could keep Donald with the Rams for the next seven years, through the 2024 season.

It’s about time, Aaron Donald has been holding out for a deal worth his incredible talent level and it finally seems to have come to fruition. This hold-out is a perfect example of why all top-tier players should always hold-out for what they deserve, especially in the NFL.

The bend or break point of contention will ultimately lean towards the player (if the player is a top 5 at his position) when a team finally and inevitably realizes that they can’t replace his productivity, leadership and fan morale effects. The backlash is too large for losing a player like Aaron Donald due to non-payment, that kind of management will quickly turn your team into the Cleveland Browns….and nobody wants that.

Do you hear me Oakland!?!? Pay Khalil Mack his money or someone else will!

Zion Williamson: The future posterizer is here

He’s 6’6″, 285 lbs with a 6’10” wingspan and a bounce like a rubber bouncy ball on a trampoline. His name….Zion Williamson.

And I hate Duke.

The man-child is present and accounted for. Rim protectors beware….

Random prediction: Papa John’s Pizza is Trump’s favorite pizza

originally posted on deadspin.com…..

How was your Wednesday? It was likely better than that of Papa John’s Pizza founder John Schnatter, who resigned from just about every position he still held after it emerged that he used the n-word during a [checks notes] sensitivity training session.

According to a Forbes report, last month Papa John took part in a conference call with a marketing agency brought in to prevent Papa from shooting himself in the foot again, as he did in November when he claimed that NFL player protests were hurting his pizza sales and [checks notes again] “white supremacists praised Schnatter’s comments.” Papa soon stepped down as CEO and the NFL ended its sponsorship deal, but the damage was done.

In June’s conference call, Papa was asked “how he would distance himself from racist groups online.” (Normal question to ask a pizza man.) Papa replied by complaining that “Colonel Sanders called blacks n——-s”—no one is quite sure where he got this from—and KFC never got in trouble. He also noted, for some reason, that where he grew up people used to kill black people by dragging them behind trucks. (Normal answer from the pizza man.)

The pizza dominoes quickly started to fall:

  • Papa John stepped down from the University of Louisville’s board of trustees. He had previously resigned from the Louisville Athletics Association Board.
  • MLB indefinitely suspended its “Papa Slam” promotion with the company, where fans could get pizza discounts after grand slams.
  • Papa John’s Pizza shares tanked by nearly five percent on Wednesday, wiping out $96.2 million in market value and reaching a two-year low.
  • Papa John resigned as chairman of the board of Papa John’s.

On Wednesday afternoon, Papa John emailed a statement to Forbes,confirming their account of the conference call and apologizing:

“News reports attributing the use of inappropriate and hurtful language to me during a media training session regarding race are true,” he said. “Regardless of the context, I apologize. Simply stated, racism has no place in our society.”

Papa John’s links to his beloved Louisville are not completely severed, not yet. The football stadium is still named Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium, and through what ESPN calls a “complicated” arrangement, the naming-rights deal is with Papa himself and not his company. And according to the contract, if Papa John leaves Papa John’s, he can rename the building.

Lebron’s Lakers unfolded laundry-roster explained

Sorry Lebron, my dad sucks

As if Lebron signing with the west-coast Yankees wasn’t an explosion of hoops dialect enough for us all to digest, the Lakers dropped more bombs over Lebron-Land this week by signing two grumpy-cat, ball-dominant non-shooting guards in Lance Stephenson and Rajon Rondo.

Most of you will remember Lance Stephenson for moments like this:

You smell like peppermint

Indiana Pacers President of Basketball Operations, Kevin Pritchard, described Stephenson in an interesting way recent:

“Sometimes he was the best player on our team, and sometimes he was the best player on the other team,” Pritchard told reporters. “We love Lance and we wish him the best.”

The question must be posed, in this stage of Lebron’s career, why would he OK the signing of an aging vet who is capable of such bad breath, both figuratively and literally? And even more-so, why sign Rajon Rondo, an equally opinionated/shit-starter, who can’t shoot the ball outside of 10 feet, and has never met a coach he didn’t hate? I mean, the Lakers already have one inept-shooting point guard on the squad – Lonzo Ball. I envision Lebron yelling at a lot of dudes for missing open jumpers in 2018-19.

On paper, this seems contradictory to what’s worked for Lebron’s championship level teams – the blueprint has always been to surround Lebron with specialized, skilled shooters and a big man who can rebound, defend and clean up the mess on the offensive boards.

This rubric gave Lebron the space to operate and kick out to open shooters as defenses collapsed, but with this current Lakers roster – Lebron is the best option to create, finish at the rim AND shoot open three-pointers. So how can Lebron drive and kick to himself? I mean, he’s good…..but that’s next-level, NBA Jam-type cheat codes.

Thankfully, ESPN’s Brian Windhorst is here to tell us a little bit about what the hell is actually going on. According to Windhorst’s sources, all the moves the Lakers have made since signing LeBron were discussed by LeBron and team president Magic Johnson ahead of time. The best answer tot he “WTF” question, according to Windhorst, is that LeBron is tired, tired, tired.

From ESPN:

The Cavs were a team of specialists — many of them shooters — who were placed around the league’s ultimate Swiss Army knife. But at times, especially during the playoffs, it did have the feel that James was playing 1-on-5 and needing to play 48 minutes because he was the team’s only true creator and playmaker.

[…]

What Johnson pitched to James was a team stocked with tough-minded playmakers like Stephenson and Rondo who could free up James to finish in the lanes and from the post, rather than having to create the lion’s share of the offense himself. Rondo and Stephenson are also defensively versatile as their length enables them to be effective defenders in switches. That also follows with the talents of the 6-foot-6 Ball, who showed the ability to be an elite rebounder and defender for a guard in his rookie year.

At first glance, this makes some sense. If Lebron is considering the idea of taking the Jordan-later years role of scoring the ball more from the post, then I can see how letting Rajon Rondo, Lonzo Ball, Lance Stephenson, Brandon Ingram and Kyle Kuzma drive and create or cut off the ball when Lebron posts up can work. But how many of Lebron’s post-up, kick-out-for bricked open jumpers from Rondo and Ball will it take before LBJ goes full Luke Skywalker and starts dancing on some storm troopers? And how many possessions where Rondo, Ball or Stephenson literally dribble the burnt-orange off the ball for an entire shot-clock before Lebron turns full alpha-male and demands the ball?

Rajon Rondo is an incredible basketball mind, don’t get that twisted – around the NBA he is considered to have one of the highest basketball IQ’s in the game. But that knowledge and genius comes with a price of arrogance, bull-headed stubbornness and an argumentative nature. How will that sit with Lebron come crunch time? This seems like a move to keep Lebron from putting unnecessary miles on his tires throughout the regular season, but can you beat the Rockets in the playoffs with this roster? Can you beat Golden State in the playoffs?

And seriously, WHO THE HECK IS GONNA SHOOT THE BALL FROM THREE?

How do you beat the Warriors when you can’t keep up with the three-ball? Defense may win championships, but in this current NBA – great shooting ALWAYS beats great defense.

 

 

The GOAT list

Admittedly, I stole this idea from deadpsin.com – who may have stole it from someone else…irrrregardless.

An exercise of free association-sports babble, below are the GOATS listed straight from the top of the dome with very little thought or regrets, feel free to comment, reply, email, discuss, rip-apart, judge, ridicule and enjoy:

Football: Brady
Baseball: Mays
Hukky: Gretzky
Boxing: Ali
Tennis: Serena
Basketball (Men): Jordan (Lebron’s 3 for 9 in the Finals)
Basketball (Women): uhhhhhhhhh, Lisa Leslie?
Soccer: Pele’ (amI right!?!?)
Acting: Streep and DeNiro
Rock: Rolling Stones
Pop: Michael Jackson (unless you consider The Beatles “pop”)
Country: Willie Nelson orrrrrr who really cares, it all basically sounds the same.
Hip Hop: Jay-Z
Comedy: Eddie Murphy
Book: Playboy
Painting: Banksy
Composer: Beethoven or Mozart, that’s all I know – they invented the piano as far as I am concerned.
Chef: Whoever invented the hamburger
Doctor: Julius Irving
Lawyer: Johnny Cochran (is there ANY other answer!!?)
President: James Polk (he accomplished everything he set out to do)
Holiday: Christmas
Fast Food: In & Out
Candy: Skittles
Beer: Fat Tire (I’m a simple bitch)
War: World War II (best movies came from killing Nazis)
Movie: Goodfellas
Planet: Uranus
Oprah: Ellen DeGeneres
Board game: Candyland
Cereal: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Ice Cream Flavor: Cookies & Cream
Pizza: Pepperoni w/ extra cheese
Dinosaur: Velociraptor
Burger: Umami Burger (all of them)
Car: 1967 Ford Mustang fastback – Eleanor
Podcast: “In The Paint” coming to a podcastery near you soon

NBA draft predictions VS reality

As previously predicted, the NBA draft went pleasantly sideways last night as several trades threw multiple sized monkey wrenches into the spokes of my ever-spinning basketball tires.

Post-draft assessments are a bit boring usually, mostly due to the fact that no one really has a clue what kind of “motor” or “ignition switch” or “alternator” any of these teens can oil up for the duration of a 82-game NBA season, much less a career. For every example of a team nailing a pick (Donovan Mitchell), there’s 100 examples of picks that went off the rails or at the very least a tad bit eschew (Anthony Bennett, Kwame Brown, Greg Oden, Robert Swift, Robert “Tractor” Traylor, Michael Olowokandi, 75% of all European-picked players).

Having said that, here’s a quick post-draft assessment:

  •  The Phoenix Suns got their guy, Ayton checks all the boxes for their limping franchise and he’s even a local kid. The land of the sun also scooped up a ready-to-play-now asset in Mikal Bridges after he was hijacked from his mother in Philly.  
  • Atlanta made a big move and added two sharp-shooting guards that they desperately needed: Trae Young and Kevin Huerter. In addition, they landed a stretch-four that may or may not contribute right away in Omari Spellman.  Hey, now I can name three players on the Hawks roster! Seriously, who are these guys?
  • San Antonio landed what I consider to be a diamond in the rough, the possible Donovan Mitchell break-out player in this draft. Lonnie Walker, an insanely versatile, explosive athlete with the greatest hair in the history of the draft. 
  •  The LA Clippers pinned down two very athletic, scoring guards who can get up and down the floor. Jerome Robinson is one of the better natural scorers in the draft and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander had a great suit on draft night, so I’m all in on him in the city of angels. 

See below for my prediction-accuracy, the red comments are my initial predictions and  will ultimately tell you the true story of the NBA draft.

I regret nothing.

  1. Phoenix Suns: Deandre Ayton, Arizona  – GOT IT!
  2. Sacramento Kings: Marvin Bagley III, Duke – GOT IT!
  3. Atlanta Hawks: Luka Doncic, Real Madrid (Traded to Mavericks) – SORTA!
  4. Memphis Grizzlies: Jaren Jackson Jr., Michigan State – GOT IT!
  5. Dallas Mavericks: Trae Young, Oklahoma (Traded to Hawks) – I was close on this one.
  6. Orlando Magic: Mohamed Bamba, Texas – (Wendell Carter) To air is human.
  7. Chicago Bulls: Wendell Carter Jr., Duke – (Michael Porter Jr.) The wheels are falling off.
  8. Cleveland Cavaliers: Collin Sexton, Alabama – (Trae Young) The sky is falling.
  9. New York Knicks: Kevin Knox, Kentucky – (Shai Gilgeous-Alexander) Dooooooh!
  10. Philadelphia 76ers: Mikal Bridges, Villanova (Traded to Suns) – (Kevin Knox) I’m terrible at this.
  11. Charlotte Hornets: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Kentucky (Traded to Clippers) – (Mikal Bridges) Push me off a cliff.
  12. Los Angeles Clippers: Miles Bridges, Michigan State (Traded to Hornets) – (Collion Sexton) WTF!??!
  13. Los Angeles Clippers: Jerome Robinson, Boston College – (Robert Williams) Good thing I’m not a betting man. 
  14. Denver Nuggets: Michael Porter Jr., Missouri – (Miles Bridges) Similar to how I feel about this Nuggets pick, I’m concerned for the future of my mental health. 
  15. Washington Wizards: Troy Brown, Oregon – (Lonnie Walker) Not even close.
  16. Phoenix Suns: Zhaire Smith, Texas Tech (Traded to 76ers) – (Aaron Holiday) Similar to my drinking habits, it just keeps getting worse.
  17. Milwaukee Bucks: Donte DiVincenzo, Villanova – (Jerome Robinson) I like this italian red-haired kid.
  18. San Antonio Spurs: Lonnie Walker IV, Miami – (Kevin Huerter) Hey, I was only one pick off on this one.
  19. Atlanta Hawks: Kevin Huerter, Maryland – (Zhaire Smith) He a terp.
  20. Minnesota Timberwolves: Josh Okogie, Georgia Tech – (Donte DiVincenzo) This was supposed to be the italian Stallion. Good thing I only “predicted” the top 20.
  21. Utah Jazz: Grayson Allen, Duke
  22. Chicago Bulls: Chandler Hutchison, Boise State
  23. Indiana Pacers: Aaron Holiday, UCLA
  24. Portland Trail Blazers: Anfernee Simons, IMG Academy
  25. Los Angeles Lakers: Moritz Wagner, Michigan
  26. Philadelphia 76ers: Landry Shamet, Wichita State
  27. Boston Celtics: Robert Williams III, Texas A&M
  28. Golden State Warriors: Jacob Evans, Cincinnati
  29. Brooklyn Nets: Džanan Musa, Cedevita
  30. Atlanta Hawks: Omari Spellman, Villanova