It’s week 11 now in the NFL and I’ve learned a few things so far this season:
A) Tom Brady is a Quarter Back God, leading a resurgence of an all-but lost New England Patriots team to five wins in a row including two divisional opponents and the incumbent AFC Super Bowl pick, Denver Broncos.
B) The NFL should have a Toilet Bowl flag-football game at the end of the season instead of a Pro Bowl game in Hawaii. Seriously, who doesn’t want to watch the Raiders vs. Jags elementary school-yard game and make prop-bet wagers on the number of times the commentators fall asleep during the game.
C) Carson Palmer may have the highest combined talent and bad luck in the NFL. Another injury, another season lost to the void.
With that amazing analysis, I give you the latest edition of:
TOP 5, BOTTOM 3 (cause they don’t deserve 5)
1. New England Patriots
Five wins in a row, and one of them was over the Denver Broncos. Tom Brady has found his groove and Gronk has located his Gronk-ness again, making the ladies swoon every time he flexes and Gronk-TD dances.
2. Denver Broncos
The off-season additions on the defensive side of the ball are proving to have more impact on the world than the invention of the question mark? The Broncos are #1 in opposing rushing yards and #5 in total defense, with Von Miller leading the way with 9 sacks on the season and DeMarcus Ware adding 8.5 sacks. Denver VS. New England round 2 will be an epic game the size of a bad Michael Bay movie (like there’s actually a bad MB movie).
3. Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles are finding ways to win, most recently with the 2008 version of Mark Sanchize at the helm. The Hispanic David Hasselhoff of football has turned his career around in the last two weeks faster than Kim Kardasian can say , “ewwwwww, what?”.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Even with Carson Daily, I mean Carson Palmer going down last week, the Cardinals are moving forward with the two-sport star Drew Stanton. Bruce Arians has gunned this team to 88 mph and they are a fully functional time-traveling Delorean with the 2009 Super Bowl roster at the helm.
5. Green Bay Packers
Frankie Say R.E.L.A.X. Aaron Rodgers is leading this team to the NFC Championship and to the Super Bowl, you heard it here first.
1. New York Jets
They somehow worked out a mid-season trade for Percy Harvin, and somehow equally as weird managed a win last week over the red-hot Pittsburgh Steelers. BUT, they’re still the Jets.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars
BOTH of their rookie, extremely talented receivers Allen Hurns and Allen Robinson went down with injuries this week. Robinson is out for the remainder of the season, Hurns will be nursing the post-concussion protocol for the next week at least. Tough road ahead for the LA Jags……….see what I did there?
3. Oakland Raiders
So bad. So, so bad.
written by: Casey S. Gutting