NFL Shop commercial explains EXACTLY what’s wrong with American Sports Fans

This commercial makes me wanna puke, pee my pants and then break something EVERY time I see it.

This terrible, band-wagon humping family should all be taken out back and shot with t-shirt guns until they bleed internally.

So lemme get this strait, every time you move to a new place or meet a new person in your life, you just change team affiliations completely?!?!

Like you are a some kind of NFL team-traveling salesman-fan, you just become a new fan of what ever team is in the city you are currently in like some lemming running off the sports-fan edge of a cliff like a mongoloid football with no laces and no pointed ends duck-spiraling out of control into the abyss of band-wagoning hell!?!?!

WTF is going on in America!?!?!  Stick with the team you started with, you don’t just DECIDE to change completely!!!  I believe strongly that a person can request ONLY one overall change of team fan-dom in their entire lifetime.  If you grow up a Vikings fan, when you reach an appropriate age of adulthood, you may apply for a “team affiliation change”, with the department of band-wagon teams.  But the prerequisite list of statutes must be met in order for you to be accepted into the new team’s affiliation.

Prerequisite list of statutes for acceptance to change of fan affiliation (Professional Level Sports):

1)  Your previous team has to be out of playoff AND championship contention for at least half of your lifetime.

2)  You must be older than 30 years old, because until you hit 30, you don’t know shit about shit and the fact that you don’t even know that you don’t know shit about shit means you’re under 30 years old.

3)  Your previous team must have blown at least 5 consecutive drafts, leading to no young players on the roster worth anything, OR continually draft long-shot Europeans that NEVER pan out (Denver Nuggets, Atlanta Hawks, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves).

4)  You reside in any city/state that doesn’t really matter (in sports, I’m sure they’re all fine places to live and raise kids though):  Orlando, Toronto, Vancouver, Minneapolis, ANY of the Dakotas, hell anything north of Colorado; Nevada, Maine, Connecticut, Utah, Wyoming…….am I missing any?  If you live in these places, you can choose who to root for based on mascot or colors in the rainbow for all I care. **

5)  You’ve never had an affiliation with any pro team, therefor you have a one-time choice when ever you wish to choose.  But choose wisely:

6)  If a new team relocates to your current city, you may join the local fan union for a trial period of 6 months, if after that 6 month-trial you are not completely satisfied with the team, you may dump the local team to the curb.  This mostly will apply to sports fans in the cities of LA, Seattle or any other expansion city.

The exception cities to all these rules are:  Cleveland (any team) and Chicago (Cubs only), cause I mean seriously, it’s ridiculous.  Do whatever the hell you want.

**footnote** Denver would be on this list if it wasn’t for the Elway/Manning-lead Denver Broncos teams and Colorado Avalanche teams of the late 90s-early 2000s

 

written by: Casey S. Gutting

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The latest TBP of the month from TheCoLA: Ray Allen

TBP=Throw Back Player

Ray Allen’s range begins when he steps into the arena, admittedly he was one of my favorite players from the late 90s until he took his talents to South Beach (Ray-Ray in Boston was perfect).  He’s got the silkiest stroke I’ve ever seen and isn’t a bad actor either…………for an athlete.

Ray- Ray is December’s TBP of the month, we need to give credit where credit is due:

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Rex Ryan already packing up his shit

8bfa0806a6cf5db6688bf5d5d59224ed_largeRex Ryan seems to have been a dead man walking for several seasons now, after leading the Jets to the AFC Championship game in both 2009 and 2010, Ryan hasn’t been able to get back to the playoffs and has posted a 25-37 record.  Not to mention the starting Quarter Back rotating dog & pony-show fiasco that Rex Ryan has lead in the tenure of his Jets time:  Mark Sanchez, Kellen Clemens, Mark Sanchez, Greg McElroy, Mark Sanchez, Geno Smith, Michael Vick, Geno Smith, Michael Vick……..I can hear Jets fans moaning and groaning, so I’ll stop.

According to a report from Dom Cosentino, Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan has already cleared out his office in advance of Sunday’s game at Miami. Jets owner Woody Johnson has reportedly hired former Texans GM Charley Casserly to serve as a consultant, and although Casserly (nor Johnson) has not yet informed Ryan that he will be fired, according to Cosentino, Ryan has learned that Casserly is contacting potential head coaching candidates already.

News-Flash, Doug Gotlieb is STILL a moron

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Gotlieb has put his foot in his mouth before, my favorite instance was when he described his presence on the ESPN College Basketball analyst desk as “giving the white man’s perspective on things” while on live TV.

Want some more history on Gotlieb’s character?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doug_Gottlieb

“After signing a national letter of intent with Notre Dame, Gottlieb was their starting point guard during the 1995-1996 college basketball season, starting all but the first four games and leading the team with 154 assists as well as steals and minutes played. However, Gottlieb’s stint at Notre Dame would be short. During Gottlieb’s freshman year, he was charged with stealing credit cards from a roommate and two others and fraudulently charging over $900 to those cards; Gottlieb has since stated that, after paying back the $900, he was allowed to say he was leaving Notre Dame, when in fact he was expelled.”