During the Oregon/USC Men’s basketball game yesterday, Bill Walton reached the pinnacle of his basketball TV commentary career, far exceeding any level of incoherent, weed-induced, jibberish I ever thought he could mouth-spew.
Walton started by saying:
“Jordan isn’t even one of the top three NBA players of all time.”
Then Bill dropped more knowledge on us:
“Michael Jordan was average in terms of size, strength, speed and jumping ability.”
My ears are bleeding right now. This reminds me of the time that my Salt Lake City, Utah cousin-in-law tried to explain to me “What a hipster really is.” – I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
How do I attack these statements without losing control of my bowels and projectile vomiting all over my desk?
Maybe I should mention that MJ has six NBA championships to Bill’s two? Or that UNIVERSALLY, Michael Jordan is considered the best player in the history of the game or AT LEAST top 3 of all time, by EVERY PEER he ever played with! Every player in the league right now grew up wanting to BE Michael Jordan, has anyone on earth ever said, “I wanna be Bill Walton when I grow up”????? No, No, that’s too easy.
How about the fact that Bill Walton was/is still the slowest, whitest, most non-athletic, arthritic redwood tree-stump of a Center in the history of the NBA? So maybe he shouldn’t comment on someone’s athleticism, strength and jumping ability?
No, No, again that’s too easy.
Maybe I should talk about how Bill has SO OBVIOUSLY smoked himself retarded at this point, that ESPN and ABC have completely removed him from any TV commentating of ANY realm of significance what-so-ever, reducing him to doing the bottom of the barrel PAC-12 games??
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MORE KIDS PLAYING BASKETBALL…….so we literally have no excuse left to let you commentate games”, said EVERY ESPN executive EVER.
Maybe that’s a little harsh.
How about this argument:
SHUT THE F#&K UP BILL WALTON! No one cares what you have to say about ANYTHING! You’re a burnt out, old hippie that stumbled back into our basketball world on your way to a Greatful Dead concert that’s been cancelled for 20 years!
Leave us alone, we don’t want to buy some hash from you, we’re not interested in any of your glass-blown pipes that you’re selling out of your guitar case, there is LITERALLY NOTHING that you could say to us that we will find interesting OR relevant to ANYTHING.
Seriously, WHY DO I HAVE TO GET ANGRY ABOUT THIS SHIT!?!?
HOW IS BILL WALTON STILL ON TV ANYWHERE!?!?!?
Please, please ESPN……….the people of this basketball world are begging you, just tell Bill to go sit down somewhere. This is embarrassing.