The NBA Playoffs and Stuff

Last week during the Western Conference Finals I found myself uttering (constantly):

“Josh Smith would be the worst teammate EVER, well maybe JR Smith would almost be as bad…..actually ya know, Dwight Howard would kinda suck too, yeah Dwight Howard AND Josh Smith would tie for the worst teammates ever.  At least you could just NOT pass to JR Smith, somehow Dwight and Josh always end up with the ball at the absolute WRONG time.”

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Houston is the NBA equivalent to watching a hugely athletic, terribly coached AAU team at a summer camp.  TONS of athletes that make you plot and scheme like Mr.Burns:


But NONE of them actually know how to play basketball.  They’re all just puppies running around on the court chasing the ball and screaming out when something good happens.  James Harden is the exception on the Rockets, he can flat-out BALL.

jameshardenJust for kicks, here’s 4 minutes of Josh Smith doing……..well, Josh Smith stuff:

I’d like to quickly point out that I was ALMOST (counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades) right on with my predictions a few posts ago:

Prediction:  Warriors in 6 games.  I think Houston will win one at home, (probably game 3) then lose game 4, go back to Golden State and steal one there to take it to 6 games.  It’s what Houston did against the Clippers and if I’ve learned anything from watching the Jekyll and Hyde Rockets, it’s to expect the unexpected…whatever makes sense, think the opposite.  The Rockets are like the full roster-ed, team version of JR Smith.  Don’t think about it too hard, it makes no sense even when you try to explain it.

Results:  Warriors actually won in 5 games, I was trying to be nice to Houston.

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Predictions:  Cavs in 5 games.  Cleveland has the best player in the world, no one on Atlanta can guard him (especially with DeMarre Carroll NOT 100%).  Bron-Bron is in full 2006-07 season form, taking the Playstation controller away from every sniveling, spoiled child involved (including Head Coach David Blatt) and isn’t giving the reigns back for anything or anyone.  He’s putting the city of Cleveland on his back yet AGAIN, seriously they should rename the city Lebron Jamestown.  

Results:  Somehow Atlanta didn’t manage to come away with ONE single win.  I was over-estimating Lebron’s ability to LITERALLY carry a city on his back.  IF Cleveland wins the NBA Championship, this will be Lebron’s greatest achievement.


I’m not letting this moment get the best of me, which is somehow code for not totally jumping on the Golden State Warriors train.  LEBRON is an AT-AT* among Anti-Personnel Laser Canons* and he’s on a mission for THE CITTTTAAAAAAYYYYYYYY. 

Cavs win it in 6 games.  Lebron wins an NBA Finals MVP trophy and continues strongly on his quest for most hardware on a man’s mantle since John Wayne (he collected guns and tools in addition to Film Awards).   See what I did there?  Jack Nicholson would be jealous, he’s won total 14 awards and the hearts of all women for the last 40 years. 


THIS is an AT-AT (Lebron):


This is an Anti-Personnel Laser Canon (everyone else):