Celebrity Athletes

Very often in our day to day, boring lives, the celebrities/actors/actresses we stalk have the delusions of grandeur that they are world-class athletes because they played a role of an athlete ONCE in a movie (insert Tom Cruise “All The Right Moves” joke).  But who are we to judge right??  Don’t we all secretly want to be a pro athlete?  Or a movie star?  Or a Kardasian?  Ugh.

Vice-versa, pro athletes OFTEN think they’re celebrities/actors because they booked an Old Spice commercial that one time:

 

Our obsession as a society for athletes and celebrities only fuel the fire for the eventual worlds colliding, which would ultimately be the best and worst form of entertainment EVER.  Can I get a sit-com featuring Shaq, Charles Barkley and Dennis Rodman please?

Plot:  The guys all play over-forty, rich, single bachelors living in an amazing loft apartment in New York City above  coffee shop.  Shaq is an architect, Barkley is a Cartoonist and Rodman is the wacky, never-gonna-grow-up actor!

Call it “Three Men & A Basketball”.

With that great pitch, I give you the official “Actors Who Used To Be Athletes” List (I’m sure there are more than this, but these were interesting):

  • Dean Cain – Superman was a star football player at Princeton University where he played Free Safety.  He set a NCAA national record for interceptions in a single season in 1987 (12 ints).  Cain signed with the Buffalo Bills after college, but blew out his knee and his pro career was over quickly.

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  • Josh Duhamel – Before marrying Fergie and becoming a huge film star, Josh played quarterback at Minot State in small-town North Dakota, he also suited up for the basketball team for one season.  Actual footage of Duhamel’s sports career was hard to find:

  • Matthew Fox – Before he was a heart-throb on “Lost” he was a scholarship Wide Receiver for the University of Columbia.  While at Columbia, Fox went 2-44 as a player, whoa……..that’s a rough couple years.  Wait that means Dean Cain (Princeton ’88) played against, and probably guarded, Matthew Fox (Columbia ’88)!  Dean Cain – 4, Matthew Fox – 0.  For the life of me, I couldn’t find footage or photos to back up this theory.

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  • John Goodman – The star of “Roseanne” and one of my favorite character-actors in many great Coen Brothers movies attended and played football at Southwest Missouri State (now Missouri State) in the early 70’s.  His career ended after injury, he graduated school in 1975.

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  • Mark Harmon – Harmon was a starting QB at UCLA from 1972-73.  He went 17-5 as a starting QB.  He also played basketball on the Freshman team for John Wooden.

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  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Before he was an actor, he was a WWE wrestler, before he was a wrestler, he was a defensive lineman for the University of Miami.  In fact, he was a member of the 1991 National Championship team.

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  • Tommy Lee Jones – Played Offensive Guard at Harvard University in the 60’s.  He was an all-league player and part of an undefeated Crimson team in 1968.

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  • Joel McHale – Host of “The Soup” and co-star on “Community”, was a Tight End at Washington University from 1992-93.  He was a walk-on and mostly a practice player/scout team athlete, Joel never actually saw the field for a real game.

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  •   Nick Nolte – Before being kicked out of school for academic reason, Nolte was on scholarship for football at Arizona State University.  He tried to keep playing football after his expulsion at several junior colleges but never made it back to a big school.

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  • Ed O’Neill – Al Bundy really played football in Ohio!!!  He was a scholarship football player at The University of Ohio where he played defensive lineman.  He eventually transferred and finished up his college career at Youngstown State.  He tried out for the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1969, but was cut.

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  • Burt Reynolds – Attended Florida State on a football scholarship in the 50’s waaaaaaay before he had his face melted off.  He played halfback, but his career was cut short due to injuries.

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  • Phil Robertson – The reality TV star from “Duck Dynasty” hasn’t always been a bearded duck-call billionaire mogul.  He was the starting QB for Louisiana Tech in the late 60’s.  He was eventually replaced in the lineup by Terry Bradshaw, yes THAT Terry Bradshaw.  Phil decided to forgo his senior season of eligibility to hunt for ducks instead of open wide receivers.

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  • John Wayne – OF COURSE John Wayne played football, are you kidding me!?!?  His real name was Marion Morrison and he attended USC on a football scholarship back in the 1920’s.  His scholarship and career ended after his second season due to injuries.

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  • James Caan – Said to have played football at Michigan State for one year before transferring back to New York and attending Hofstra University where he began his acting career.  Finding any sort of footage or photos of him at Michigan State was basically impossible….so here’s Caan in “Brian’s Song”:

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  • Carl Weathers – Before Apollo Creed was in the ring with Rocky Balboa, he was playing linebacker at San Diego State University and then for the Oakland Raiders.  Weathers played two seasons in Oakland, then played 3 seasons in the CFL for the B.C. Lions.  He retired from football in 1974 and pursued acting full-time.

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  • Forest Whitaker – Whitaker played Defensive Tackle at Cal Poly Pomona, but his career was ended early due to back injuries.  After that he changed majors and focused on music and acting.

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  • Suge Knight – Suge was a Defensive Tackle for the UNLV Rebels in the mid-80’s.  After college he continued to try to play in the NFL, he was eventually cut by the Los Angeles Rams in 1986.  BUT, during the players’ strike in 1987, Suge Knight was a replacement player for the Rams and played in 7 games before being cut again.  Then he decided to concentrate on music producing and shooting people with guns.

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  • Bill Goldberg – “Goldberg” from the WCW wrestling world was a HUGE name in the late 90’s and early 2000’s.  But before he was a pro wrestler and action movie star, he was a Defensive Tackle for the Georgia Bulldogs.  He then played in the NFL, CFL and the WLAF (World League of American Football).  After injuries and physical rehab, he got into martial arts training and power lifting.  Eventually that lead to working out with pro wrestlers and the eventual career that made him a millionaire.

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  • Rob Brown – The actor who played Syracuse Running Back and Heisman Trophy Winner, Ernie Davis in “The Express” was actually a Wide Receiver at Amherst University while also acting in films such as “Coach Carter” and “Finding Forrester”.

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  • “Stone Cold” Steve Austin – “Stone Cold” was born and raised in the southern town of Edna, Texas.  He played the sport EVERYONE in Texas plays:  Football.  He eventually received a scholarship to North Texas to play Full Back, needless to say, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was destined to knock people out.  His football career ended after college, but his physical dominance and bashing skulls didn’t end there.  He became a WWE and WWF star and eventually an action movie star as well.

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Two former D-I College Football Players in Their Underwear

Two former D-I College Football Players in Their Underwear

  • Robert Redford – That’s right, not only was he THE GUY back in the 70’s and 80’s, and really into the 90’s too.  BUT he also was a damn good baseball player.  He played baseball in high school at Van Nuys High with MLB Hall Of Famer, Don Drysdale, THEN he went to the University of Colorado on a baseball scholarship.  Although, Redford didn’t even make it one full year at CU-Boulder…..he was “asked to leave” before the end of his Freshman year.  Who the hell knows what that means, I mean it was the early 50’s in Boulder, I can’t imagine what he must’ve been doing to get kicked out.  While at school he also worked at a local restaurant called “The Sink” where a painting of him is still hanging today.
Don Drysdale & Roy Hobbs

Don Drysdale & Roy Hobbs

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Deflategate THIS

For the first time in months someone out there is talking about something OTHER than “Deflategate” when Tom Brady’s name is mentioned.  Granted this is just pre-season footage, but an Edelman to Brady TD grab with a nuance of Odell Beckham-ness will get me excited:

That’s some serious extension there TFB, maybe a secret weapon in the making??

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The Marlins Enjoy a Good Fart Joke

The Scene:  Marlins vs Nationals in Miami, pre-game Nationals batting practice.

The Plot:  Fart noises during batting practice.

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Eventually, the Nationals took matters into their own hands and set up a speaker by the batting cage to pump some tunes over the fart sounds.

CLHMSk3WEAA-zeCMy guess on the music: Drake, think anyone could tell the difference between the music and the farts?

Bravo Marlins PA Booth Guys, braaaaaavo.

The Best Baseball Has To Offer

Since I refuse to discuss anything further about “Deflategate”, I will turn to the only sport taking place right now in the depths of summer: BASEBALL.

In the last week or two, we’ve seen a few incredible plays that actually made me look up from my phone and think, “oh yeah, baseball season……huh, that’s nice”.

***Sidenote: My Red Sox are terrible and The Yankees, Royals, Angels, Cardinals, Dodgers and Nationals are leading their respective divisions…….slit my wrists, when does football start!?!?  At this pace, I won’t even watch the playoffs.***

So in case you missed it, here’s some decent baseball highlights that actually made me interested in something other than activating my fantasy football league:

  • Omar Infante and Alcides Escobar performing the dance of love in the middle infield
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Here it is in real-time:

  • Brandon Philips pulling a Pete Maravich to end the inning and save a run

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Here it is in real-time:

  • Mike Trout hits a grand slam into the “Trout Net”

  • The 2015 MLB baseball Hall of Fame Induction Speeches

CLICK HERE

  • Awesome catch by Mookie Betts robbing a homerun/causing a homerun

You can now go on with the rest of your baseball-free day, enjoy.

 

 

Shane Victorino Reminds Us That Pro Athletes Are Actually Human

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Being traded must feel like a break-up, each one can be different and for specific reasons, some good and some terrible, but no matter what it will be tough and emotional, proved yesterday by Shane Victorino.

The Flyin Hawaiian”, who broke down into tears during his exit press conference after being traded to the Anaheim Angels yesterday,  has only been in Boston for 2 1/2 seasons, but from day-1 you could tell he was a “Boston Guy”.  He is exactly the kind of player that a team like the Red Sox needed, he embraced the city of Boston and the Red Sox fans, he rose to the call and was a BIG part of the 2013 season when the Sox won the World Series.

Shane is the best type of teammate for any locker room, he’s passionate, honest, never takes a day off and he obviously LOVES the game and his teammates.  He’ll be missed in Boston I’m sure.

Victorino just came off the DL and will probably step into the lineup for Anaheim feeling resurged and fresh.  Not to mention they’re also in first place in the AL West and contending for a championship.  Best of luck in SoCal Shane, I’m sure they’ll love you there.

Bye Bye Tulo

Colorado Rockies' Troy Tulowitzki tosses his helmet after striking out against Cincinnati Reds starting pitcher Homer Bailey in the first inning of a baseball game, Tuesday, June 4, 2013, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Al Behrman)

The Colorado Rockies are in Charlie’s Angels II, full-throttle rebuild mode now (as if they weren’t already) after they traded away their best player, Troy Tulowitzki to the Toronto Blue Jays yesterday.

The Blue Jays sent young, Ricky Vaughn-throwing right-handers Jeff Hoffman, Miguel Castro and Jesus Tinoco (all big pitching prospects) and the aging and devalued but overpaid, Jose Reyes to Colorado.  In addition to getting Tulo, the Blue Birds will also acquire reliever and journey-man Latroy Hawkins in the deal.

  • Tulo is owed roughly $20 million a year until 2019 (wow), he’s also owed $14 million in 2020 and has a club option for $15 million in 2021. Because he has been traded, Tulowitzki will ALSO receive a $2 million bonus, and he may be traded only once during the life of his contract, activating a blanket no-trade clause.

So enjoy the great white north Tulo, I hear Toronto has great strip clubs and tons of heavy, warm blankets….you’re gonna need both up there.

The Rockies pick up a ton of fastball hurling young pitchers, which is really the only kind of pitcher that works in the Mile High City (weed).  I would assume they’re going to re-deal Jose Reyes due to his salary and lack of production.

The real question for the Rockies is, who’s next on the trading block?  Cargo-a-go-go….to another team?

Bye bye Tulo, it was fun while it lasted:

Pedro Martinez HOF Speech Probably Made Colin Cowherd Mad

Pedro Martinez was voted into the MLB baseball Hall of Fame this weekend and dedicated much of his success to his time spent growing up in the Dominican Republic.  TAKE THAT COLIN COWHERD!

In case you missed it, Colin Cowherd was fired (kinda) by ESPN last week for comments being a douchebag and basically saying that people from the Dominican Republic were stupid.  CLICK HERE for the story.

What a great amount of kharma-tic timing for Pedro Martinez, the second Dominican player to EVER be inducted into the Hall of Fame!

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Pedro is one of the greatest pitchers of our era and not only did he deliver on the field, but also has delivered a terrific, motivational speech on the Cooperstown steps right on the heels of Cowherd’s idiot-racist comments.  BRILLIANT.  Yet another strikeout for Pedro.

Colin Cowherd Firing Racist Bullets AGAIN

Colin Cowherd is a racist moron, I think we’re all on the same page here.  His constant entitled, racially charged, condescending comments over the years have made it clear that he is out of touch with his own reality and the world around him.  He lives inside a bag of white bread and writes his memoirs with white-out ink on a white legal pad…..he drives a white BMW and hits white golf balls while sipping white wine.

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He’s on his way out at ESPN, but before he goes to Fox Sports (wtf are they thinking?), he wanted to leave us all with one parting shot:

“It’s baseball,” Cowherd said. “You don’t think a general manager can manage? Like it’s impossible? The game is too complex? I’ve never bought into that, ‘Baseball’s just too complex.’ Really? A third of the sport is from the Dominican Republic.”

And when he was asked to explain his stupid comments:

“I could’ve made the point without using one country, and there’s all sorts of smart people from the Dominican Republic. I could’ve said a third of baseball’s talent is being furnished from countries with economic hardships, therefore educational hurdles. For the record, I used the Dominican Republic because they’ve furnished baseball with so many great players.”

“I understand that when you mention a specific country, they get offended. I get it. I do. And for that, I feel bad. I do. But I have four reports in front of me … where there are discussions of major deficiencies in the education sector at all levels. … It wasn’t a shot at them. It was data. Five, seven years ago I talked about the same subject. Was I clunky? Perhaps. Did people not like my tone? I get it. Sometimes my tone stinks.

“I think when you host a radio show, just like Jon Stewart hosts a show, I think sometimes I bring up stuff … that makes people cringe. I’m not saying there’s not intelligent, educated people from the Dominican Republic. I cringe at the data too.”

Now he’s comparing himself to Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show”??  Are you kidding me?

Enjoy him Fox Sports, this is what you have to look forward to.

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***related articles:

http://deadspin.com/tag/colin-cowherd