For the first time in ALL of the NFL off-season, Tom Brady is being mentioned in a story that doesn’t have anything to do with inflated air, game balls and psi levels.
Tom Brady has been linked to the “Bennifer” divorce that’s sweeping the pop-culture world one young hot nanny-bang at a time. Ben Affleck and wife of 10 years, Jennifer Gardner have officially occupied Splitsville USA and who’s right there in the middle of it all??
TOM EFFING BRADY.
Reportedly, three days before the paperwork for divorce was filed; Affleck, Brady and Ben’s nanny/girlfriend/marriage-ruiner/home-wrecker, Christine Ouzounian were on a private jet to Las Vegas:
kiss the rings
Now in most instances, I try to stay out of the “who’s banging who, where, and with what” world that we live in. I really don’t give a runny-poop if Brett Favre is sending pics of his mini-footballs to a reporter. And I really don’t give a flying monkey-dookie if Ben Affleck cheated on his gorgeous, actress wife with the 28 year old nanny….I kind of assume that if a couple in Hollywood hires a hot, 28 year old nanny to watch their kids…….then probably everyone’s getting banged more than the cymbal from the “Gong Show” (it’s an old reference, but it works).
But TFB!?!?!? What are you doing man? You just CAN’T stay out of the negative press this off-season! For the first time ever, The Golden Boy is having his shit aired out publicly in front of his chiseled, square-jawed face. And his shit stinks.
I like Mountain Dew
I really hope this off-season doesn’t continue to de-escalate into a Tiger Woods type situation for TFB.
I’m not talking about the Joe Carter Blue Jays of 1993, when a single swing of the bat exploded every north-of-the-boarder fan causing a catastrophic mass-spill of Labatt Blue and gravy fries all over the country.
I’m talking about the 2015, post-trade deadline Blue Birds. Since acquiring Troy Tulowitzki (sorry Rockies fans) they’ve gone 11-1 and are flat-out crushing the ball like a real life whack-a-mole.
The Jays have won eight in a row and just handed the Yankees their first back-to-back shutouts since May 1999, ending the longest stretch between consecutive shutouts in major league history. The Yankees went on to win the world series in ’99, but who cares, that’s not the point.
Before the Tulo trade, the Yankees were 8 games ahead of the Jays standing tall in first place in the American League East. Now, since the Tulo-show arrived and David Price was acquired on July 30th, the Jays are only 1.5 games back from the Yanks. David Price has won both of his starts since moving to the Great White North seemingly igniting this team’s pent-up baseball angst (no doubt because they have to live in Canada, although I hear Toronto is nice).
David Price has allowed one run in 15 innings in his two starts with the Jays.
The American League East is about to be overcome by a Canadian hit-squad, lead by a plethora of big bats: (Batting Average/On Base %/Slugging %)
- Josh Donaldson – .297/.365/.578, 31 HR, 83 RBI, 82 R
- Jose Bautista – .240/.361/.512, 26 HR, 78 RBI, 73 R
- Troy Tulowitzki (12 games in Toronto) – .244/.358/.489, 3 HR, 6 RBI, 12 R
- Edwin Encarnacion – .251/.349/.476, 21 HR, 64 RBI, 59 R
**Sidenote: Edwin Encarnacion has gone .288/.396/.516 since the beginning of May.
Can the Blue Birds keep this pace going? Or will it just be a big case of Blue Balls (see what I did there?) that will cripple Toronto, leaving them with only memories of what WAS and what could’ve been once more: