The Cleveland Browns Are…….UGH

“Classic Browns”

The Baltimore Ravens won tonight 33-27, or……er……..well………more accurately the Cleveland Browns played a football game and God’s will was thrown down upon thee 33 points to 27 points with an ending that rivals the straight-to-black Sopranos ending…..leaving everyone rubbing their heads in disbelief until hair ran away from their forehead.

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Defensive End Brent Urban blocked a potential game-winning 51-yard field goal attempt, THEN Will Hill returned it 64 yards for a touchdown as time expired to prove that God probably hates the city of Cleveland.  The upside for Cleveland fans?  Hey, at least you STILL have Lebron James…..right?

At least twitter was kind to Browns fans:

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Kobe Announces Retirement At The End Of This Season (again)

Over the holiday weekend most of use were probably watching football, eating turkey, drinking way too many adult beverages and arguing with family members over the NFL’s “catch rule”…..just ask Uncle Jerry what it is, he’ll tell you all about it if you’re unfamiliar.  He’ll also tell you about his current health problems, chronic back pain, how he lost his big toenail in a random shopping cart incident recently and advise you on the future economic growth in plastics.

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But Kobe Bryant was doing something a little outside the box this holiday weekend, he was drafting a poem (sonnet?) announcing his official decision to retire from 20 years as a Los Angeles Laker at the end of this season.  The announcement came as no surprise to anyone who has followed basketball over the last 3 years, in fact Kobe “unofficially” announced this same exact message in the preseason last summer.

Here is the letter that was published on The Players’ Tribune:

Dear Basketball,

From the moment
I started rolling my dad’s tube socks
And shooting imaginary
Game-winning shots
In the Great Western Forum
I knew one thing was real:

I fell in love with you.

A love so deep I gave you my all —
From my mind & body
To my spirit & soul.

As a six-year-old boy
Deeply in love with you
I never saw the end of the tunnel.
I only saw myself
Running out of one.

And so I ran.
I ran up and down every court
After every loose ball for you.
You asked for my hustle
I gave you my heart
Because it came with so much more.

I played through the sweat and hurt
Not because challenge called me
But because YOU called me.
I did everything for YOU
Because that’s what you do
When someone makes you feel as
Alive as you’ve made me feel.

You gave a six-year-old boy his Laker dream
And I’ll always love you for it.
But I can’t love you obsessively for much longer.
This season is all I have left to give.
My heart can take the pounding
My mind can handle the grind
But my body knows it’s time to say goodbye.

And that’s OK.
I’m ready to let you go.
I want you to know now
So we both can savor every moment we have left together.
The good and the bad.
We have given each other
All that we have.

And we both know, no matter what I do next
I’ll always be that kid
With the rolled up socks
Garbage can in the corner
:05 seconds on the clock
Ball in my hands.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1

Love you always,
Kobe

Jahlil Okafor Spent Thanksgiving Knucklin Up In Boston

The 76ers are 0-16 on the season, Jahlil Okafor is the one shining glimmer of light in the dark, damp, poop-smelling, NBA-basement that is the Philadelphia 76ers franchise.

After losing to the Celtics on Wednesday, November 25th…the day before Thanksgiving; Jahlil and some friends went out on the town….specifically to a nightclub called Storyville.  Things went about as well OFF the basketball court for the 76ers star as they’ve been going ON the court lately, and OF COURSE someone had a camera-phone ready to roll for all the action.

According to The Sporting News:

“Okafor says he was being heckled from the moment he left the club and felt threatened because people swarmed him on the street.

He says he was with a teammate — who he wouldn’t name — and says someone got physical with the teammate … so Jahlil did what he felt he needed to do to protect himself and his friend.”

ESPN dug deeper into the situation and revealed even more interesting news about the rookie star’s rough first few months in the NBA.

Post-Thanksgiving Oscar Buzz

-Originally Posted on Deadline.com

Pete Hammond’s Notes On The Season: Eddie Redmayne Dines Out, Sly Stallone Trusts In Youth, And Leonardo Di Caprio Deserves The Medal Of Honor

A new weekly column talking up the season with bits and pieces from the awards circuit. 

20th Century Fox and New Regency took the veil off one of the season’s most anticipated movies,  reigning Oscar winner Alejandro G. Inarritu’s brutally beautiful  snowy western, The Revenant (Dec 25)  this week , with press and Academy members getting a first look at it the past three days. Initial reaction , predictably , has run from “masterpiece” to “I can’t handle it”, but reviews are embargoed until December 4th at 1pm (PT).  I imagine most critics will  go gaga over the bravura filmmaking which is undeniably impressive.  Without breaking the embargo for my own Deadline review let me just say the bear attack scene , near Pete Hammond badgethe beginning of the movie , is one for the ages as Leonardo DiCaprio and a Grizzly fight to the death. WOW! I thought the bear was real , but afterwards in the Academy lobby was returned to reality when an awards consultant for the film set me straight. ” Are you crazy?  If that bear was real we could have killed Leo,”  she said. ” Oh, so was it a guy in a bear suit , then?”  I asked.  “Nooooooo! It’s not a guy in a bear suit.  It’s CGI using an actor to do the movements like Andy Serkis does,”  she replied.   You could have fooled me. Movie magic.   I got several emailed reactions from Oscar voters who caught the movie.  One said “truly amazing filmmaking but so unrelentingly brutal and hard to watch. I’m not sure Leo deserveswatch-leonardo-dicaprio-get-mauled-by-a-bear-in-the-revenant-trailer-515173 an Oscar as much as he should be given  the Congressional Medal Of Honor for what he went through shooting the film. Wow, what a year. Brooklyn, Spotlight, and now The Revenant.  Talk about diversity!”

–to continue reading, click here.