JJ Watt Used “A Christmas Story” Reference That Made Andy Dalton Cry

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Last night the Houston Texans beat the Cincinnati Bengals 10-6 in a gross, disgusting excuse for a Monday Night Football game.  The game itself was like watching two fat kids sitting motionless on a see-saw.  NOTHING happened in this game of any excitement until the post-game interview:

 – J.J. Watt –

“Our goal was to come out here and make the Red Rifle look like a Red Ryder BB Gun, and I think we did that,” Watt said. “He is a great player, and they are a great team, but our coaches put together a great game plan, we executed the game plan, everybody did their job.

I mean in an era where it’s impossible to really show any personality in a sports interview without being destroyed publicly afterwards by SOMEONE in the twitter-sphere.  At least J.J. “1.21 jigga” Watt gave it an effort, changing the nickname from “Red Rifle” to “Red Rider BB Gun” was mildly creative in a 12-year old sense of humor kind of way, it was a MEDIUM joke at best…..where’s my emoji for a mild golf-clap?

OK, so there was a solid attempt at “A Christmas Story” reference by Mr. Watt, good effort.  Didn’t quite land it, but it was in the vicinity of a decent joke aimed at the gingerly-quaffed QB for the Bengals, Andy Dalton.  Certainly Andy Dalton wouldn’t take the bait or………wait, apparently Mr. Watt hit a nerve:

 – Andy Dalton –

“I’m disappointed in him because of the integrity of this game,” Dalton said. “I have a lot of respect for him. He’s a really good player. There are a lot of kids and people who look up to him, and for him to make comments like that, he’s just showing that’s acceptable to say that kind of stuff.

“It’s disappointing for one of the best players in this league to come out and say something like that, so that’s all I’m going to say about that. He’s a good player, but for him to be one of the best in this league and to show that integrity, it shows what he’s about, and that’s disappointing.”

You’re……you’re joking right?  I mean, uh…….you’re not REALLY upset with J.J. Watt’s lack of “integrity” for the game because he called you the “Red Rider BB Gun” ……..right?  You can’t possibly be ACTUALLY offended and QUESTION THE INTEGRITY of Watt’s character because he made a bad “Christmas Story” joke at your expense right?  Are you serious, Andy Dalton????

“Mother Parker” (that’s the Mom’s official credit on imdb) was less offended when “Ralphie” spurted out “OH, FUDGE” becoming the loudest and most proficient curse-word artists in the Midwest under the age of 13 (knocking out the reigning champion, “Schwartz”)……and all “Ralphie” got out of it was a mouth full of Life Buoy hand-soap, “not quite the nice, piquant after-dinner flavor of Palmolive”.

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Maybe the NFL should wash out J.J. Watt’s mouth with a bar of soap?

Remember when you were a little kid and some other bully-type asshole made up a stupid-non-funny nickname for you that you absolutely hated?

At first you yelled and screamed and made a big deal about it, maybe you punched them or got in a pushing match at recess….ok, maybe depending on your level of upset-ness and geographical location, you might have snow-jobbed their dumb, ugly-pants, fart-face just to get your point across:

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But then you realized, usually with the help of an adult….that if you just ignored the nickname and didn’t react at all, eventually the bully would leave you alone and the nickname wouldn’t stick?

Apparently, Andy Dalton needs an adult to help him get through post-game name-calling and interview sessions.  Someone go get the teacher, Andy’s crying.

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