Javale McGee = NBA Champion
Charles Barkley, Elgin Baylor, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, John Stockton, Allen Iverson, Dominique Wilkins, Chris Paul and George Gervin = NOT Javale McGee
The rat-tailed, 7-foot basketball-Narnia-journeyman of the NBA finally reached a pinnacle that MANY of the greats have never ascended. Despite being a player who by all accounts should be an unguardable force forged by the Greek God of athletics (Hermes) himself, previous to this moment Mr. McGee seemed to never quite grasp his natural surroundings, similar to a jheri-curl or a mullet.
Perhaps Javale’s basketball prowess could be more aptyl compared to a baby deer standing on a frozen pond for the better part of purgatory, he only seems to comprehend images six inches in front of his face while he floats amidst the tress, vaguely reminiscient of an elderly man lost in a mall parking lot.
And yet here he is now, NBA Champion and Supreme Leader of Braided Rat-Tail Enthusiasts.
Trump’s America…am I right?!?!