Pablo Sandoval Released Of Having To Pretend To Give A F^@k Anymore

Former Boston Red Sox third baseman, Pablo Sandoval is now officially unemployed and available for any and all commercial work, scripted TV and/or specialized mass-consumption including but not limited to all-you-can-eat rib contests, cheetos tastings and  pie eating.

Since signing a five-year, $95 million contract with the Boston Red Sox in 2015, Pablo Sandoval has been nothing short of a dumpster fire at third base.  Sandoval played just 161 games in two and a half seasons with the Red Sox, hitting .237/.360/.646 with 14 home runs.  When he wasn’t hurt or eating the third base bag, he struggled to stay in baseball shape.

His deal was one of the mathematically worst free-agent signings of all time.

It’s unlikely Sandoval will get picked back up since he’s still owed $49.5 million.  That’s close to the highest amount of dead money on a contract in major-league history, trailing Josh Hamilton’s $68.4 million, and Crash Davis’ historical buy-out in 1988 by the Durham Bulls for a reported “lifetime supply of scotch and a Porsche 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt”.

Go Sox.


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