The Denver Broncos Are…..Bad

After starting the season 3-1 and demolishing the Dallas Cowboys in the process, the Broncos looked on their way to a competitive, possibly playoff-filled season in 2017.  Fast-forward to Week 6, the one-win New York football Giants come to town and EVERY SINGLE wheel on the wagon flies off, barreling down the road, spontaneously catching fire eventually murdering puppies and setting ablaze anything you hold dear in your life.

Now after yesterday’s beyond-frustrating loss to the Cincinnati Bengals, we sit at 3-7 and firmly in last place in the AFC West.  If there was ever a must-win game this season, it was on Sunday.  Here we sit, two years removed from a Super Bowl victory, third degree burns on our body, and our faces stuck in “The Ring” position:

But who’s to blame?

As taboo as it may sound, I blame John Elway.

When Peyton Manning came to Denver in 2012, everyone knew it was his last hurrah.  Four neck surgeries under his belt, but with a little gas left in the tank was the word floating around Manning’s third and final act to his career.  Two Super Bowl appearances with the Broncos, one devastating loss to Seattle and one GREAT win over Cam Newton’s Carolina Panthers helped put an exclamation point on his greatness and HOF career while also procuring Denver’s Papa John’s pizza sales to an all-time high.

Here’s where Elway fits in, when Manning limped his way through the 2015 season with a Super Bowl caliber defense leading the way, Elway had to of seen that the future of the franchise was based on one simple truth: We need a QB for the future worse than Cleveland needs a……well, everything I guess.

Two seasons later we have no actual QB and yet somehow Brock Osweiler is starting games for us after we ran him outta town and he got dumped by two other teams, one of which was the aforementioned Cleveland Frowns.  We’re wasting away our top 5 defense, the prime Von Miller years and any and every opportunity to get back to a Super Bowl.  I mean, Elway couldn’t possibly believe that Trevor Siemian, Paxton Lynch or Brock Osweiler were REALLY going to be the follow-up to Manning, right??  Without opening a whole new can of worms here, Colin Kaepernick is available……I’m just saying.

The Broncos went 12-4 and won the Super Bowl just two seasons ago, and sure there are all sorts of fun, interesting ways to explain the fact that they are now 3-7 and done for the season.  The running game is garbage, our Special Teams looks like a 7th grade JV squad at best. Seriously, what’s going on with our special teams?  You fire Mike McCoy but somehow Brock Olivo (special teams coach) is still cashing checks?  Does he get paid per muffed punt and by opposing team’s Touchdowns?

But the biggest reason is also the most obvious one and the golden rule in the NFL: They don’t have a decent quarterback, and the blame for that rests entirely with Elway.

Firing Mike McCoy is a waste of time at this point in the season, without a QB who can complete a pass beyond 15 yards consistently, nothing else matters.  The Broncos STILL have incredible talent at the skill positions and on the defensive side of the ball, but with no captain at the helm, the blow-up raft of a football team is heading for a glacier the size of the Red Rocks Amphitheater.

 

A Person Is Dumb, And People Are Dumb

originally posted on deadspin.com


Utah Parent Wants School Mascot Renamed Because It Sounds Like The Word Penis

Farmington High School won’t open until next year. When it does, it will serve the community in and around Farmington, a fast-growing city in northern Utah. But the school already has a mascot, the Phoenix. The mythical bird was chosen by a vote of area children; it beat out Farmers, Eagles, Firebirds, Silverback, Fox, and Silverfox.

But one man wants to change all of that. Kyle Fraughton, a dad with kids who will one day attend Farmington High School, doesn’t like the nickname. He says the proper plural of the team name (Phoenices) sounds too much like “penises.”

Fraughton has started a Change.org petition where he states the horror of the current situation:

After first hearing about the mascot of Phoenix, I was practicing some cheers for the upcoming school year with a couple of my neighbors just for fun. We cheered, “Go Phoenixes!” However, it didn’t sound right to us, so we looked online to makes sure that we were saying the pluralized word of Phoenix correctly. We quickly discovered that although Phoenixes is an acceptable way to say it, another pluralization is Phoenices. So we changed our cheer to, “Go Phoenices!” Which is when the concern began to set in.

We were horrified to hear that the phonetics of the word Phoenices are far too close to the word penises. I don’t mean to be crass, but don’t want there to be confusion around the point I am trying to make.

It has been stated that we will only refer to the mascot in the singular form – Phoenix. I think that’s a great idea in concept, but see reality playing out far differently. Nearly all school mascots are referred to in the plural form (Darts, Vikings, Braves, Wildcats, etc.), so when you think about cheering, “Go Phoenix!” It sounds a bit strange because it is grammatically incorrect. As happened to my neighbors and me, high school kids will take a quick trip to Google or WordHippo to learn that Phoenices is a plural form of the word. There are many people who find this type of thing funny, and all it will take is one person to figure it out before it goes viral. However, the reality is that this has already started to happen in our own community as word has gotten out about this oversight. We are already being referred to as the Phoenices.

With this scenario playing out, there will be a never ending barrage of references to male anatomy directed at our children as they participate in any kind of sports against other schools. In an effort to be funny and get under the player’s skin, opposing student bodies will most certainly chant things such as, “Go Phoenices!” That will just be the beginning as it doesn’t take much imagination to figure out how vulgar this could get.

I’m confident that the district does not want to bear the responsibility of our children being bullied as a result of our school mascot.

“I looked on Google and a couple hits down I saw that the plural of phoenix was either phoenixes or phoenices,” Fraughton told the Salt Lake Tribune. “I have no interest in my daughter or my son playing sports and getting referred to as something like a penis.”

The school district says there are no plans to change the name. At publication time, nearly 3,000 people have signed the petition for a new school mascot.