All things wrong with Thursday Night football

Firstly, I feel that since the NFL refuses to realize or admit that Thursday Night Football is a train-wreck of a relationship, bringing on comparisons to Ike and Tina, Chris Brown and Rihanna, and the entire cast of “The Jersey Shore”.  I feel the need to apologize on behalf of the NFL for the blasphemy that is and has been Thursday Night Football. 

functional relationships are funny

functional relationships are funny

Every Thursday night, (if the west-coasters can get out of work in time for kick-off), we get knocked out by the Alpha-Male, steroid-rage that is Thursday Night Football.  But EVERY week we still keep coming back to it, we’re married to it because we crave an abusive relationship with the NFL……..and I mean, we still have fantasy football to worry about right??

“No, no, things are getting better every week.  We’re in couples’ therapy, we’re figuring this thing out.  We’re moving forward together” —said EVERY football fan ever.

The only moment worth watching Thursday Night

The only moment worth watching Thursday Night

So far, this season the average margin of victory on Thursday Night games has been 31.25 points. To get specific with it, it’s been Baltimore 26-6 over Pittsburgh, Atlanta 56-14 over Tampa Bay, the Giants 45-14 over Washington, and Green Bay 42-10 over Minnesota. In all other NFL games, the average margin of victory is right around 12.5.

That’s a shit sandwich covered in piss-gravy right there.

shit-sandwich

Thursday Night Football

But the BIGGEST problem with Thursday Night Football is HOW BADLY IT SCREWS UP FANTASY FOOTBALL on a weekly basis!!  Let’s just be honest, if you have a player on your roster who’s “questionable” that is playing on a Thursday night, he gets no time for recovery from the previous game on Sunday and who knows if he’ll actually play!?!?

GOD FORBID you don’t start the player, then he magically plays Thursday night and because NO ONE is ready to play on a Thursday night, he runs all over the field like a possessed lawnmower and racks up 30 fantasy points WHILE ON YOUR BENCH!  I now understand why people have cocaine and heroin addictions.

Football is a difficult sport to play, the physical toll is similar to a heavy weight bout that goes the distance, except this bout goes the distance EVERY Sunday.  When you start taking away days of recovery, you hurt everyone involved.

The players, the coaches, and most importantly to the NFL front office:  the fans (don’t get it twisted, more fans means more $$$) are all negatively affected by Thursday games.

In all seriousness, how do I convince my boss I need to knock off early on Thursdays to watch a 5pm kick-off of the Falcons vs. the Bucs? (laughter ensues and i loose bathroom privileges)

Football is drug, we’re all addicted and the NFL just flooded the market with a shipment of Thursday night stepped-on street garbage that leaves a gasoline taste in our mouth.  The “Walter White” of the NFL, Roger Goodell has us all feening for more “blue magic”, my fantasy football season depends on it.

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