IOC Late To The Party, At Least They Brought Cake

To say the IOC totally “gets it” would be like saying Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is a tad bit eccentric.  You’re almost there, but not quite fitting the round peg in the square hole.  Unbelievably, the Olympic Committee seams to be the only group of old, white men on the planet who can do anything about Russia’s villainous existence….them and maybe Liam Neeson.

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has banned Russia from the 2018 Winter Olympic Games in Pyeongchang, South Korea for its Government funded double-secret-probation doping program, which was uncovered after the 2014 games in Sochi.

The IOC’s ruling waived a crinkly, long finger in the face of the Russian Olympic Committee (ROC), screaming “NO” to the 2018 Winter Olympics.  In addition, Borris and Natasha will not be allowed to accompany any member of the ROC or the Russia Ministry of Sport to take part in the 2018 games.  Several members of the ROC and Ministry of Sport have been completely banned from any future participation in the Olympics.

Dick Pound (let’s keep it PG), the IOC delegate and former President of WADA (World Anti-Doping Authority) has said publicly that he feels the IOC “dropped the ball” by not punishing Russia more harshly before the Rio Olympics.  Dick firmly pounded the table for harsher repercussions towards Russia before the Rio Olympics when an extensive report was published by WADA leading to 68 banned Russian athletes due to doping infractions.  The big swingin Dick Pound felt strongly that the IOC was making decisions based on protecting sponsorship money and their own re-election instead of protecting the spirit of the Olympic games.

Will we see Russian athletes in 2018?  Let’s unpack this duffle bag of Russian Intelligent Operative-lead pee test swapping.

The short answer is yes.  Russian athletes are able to compete as “Independent Olympic Athletes,” which is a term typically used in cases of political transition, international sanctions, or mercenary hockey players in “Mighty Ducks 4: WADA’d You Do To My Olympic Team?”.

In addition, the Russian flag will not be shown, athletes will not compete in Russian uniforms, and the Russian anthem will not be played for any ceremonies.  Russian athletes will essentially be condemned to being extremely physically fit homeless people.  Instead of begging for change, they’ll beg for medals made of Gold, Silver or Bronze while generic elevator music plays in the background.  Is that Kenny G?

As predicted by every 80’s Communist plotted Olympic Action/Comedy movie ever pitched to Dan Akroyd or Bill Murray, Russia’s leaders consider these actions a statement of war upon their country.  Sergei Markov, the head of a Kremlin and the defacto Russian spokesman on the Olympics, has proclaimed the I.O.C. ban on the Russian team as part of a Western (USA) plot to overthrow the Russian government.

Even though the IOC came late to the party, like an over-served annoying house-guest….at least they brought something worth-while with them.  An Ice Cream cake full of judgement, sure to punish the Russian stomach for the next few years.