NFL Shop commercial explains EXACTLY what’s wrong with American Sports Fans

This commercial makes me wanna puke, pee my pants and then break something EVERY time I see it.

This terrible, band-wagon humping family should all be taken out back and shot with t-shirt guns until they bleed internally.

So lemme get this strait, every time you move to a new place or meet a new person in your life, you just change team affiliations completely?!?!

Like you are a some kind of NFL team-traveling salesman-fan, you just become a new fan of what ever team is in the city you are currently in like some lemming running off the sports-fan edge of a cliff like a mongoloid football with no laces and no pointed ends duck-spiraling out of control into the abyss of band-wagoning hell!?!?!

WTF is going on in America!?!?!  Stick with the team you started with, you don’t just DECIDE to change completely!!!  I believe strongly that a person can request ONLY one overall change of team fan-dom in their entire lifetime.  If you grow up a Vikings fan, when you reach an appropriate age of adulthood, you may apply for a “team affiliation change”, with the department of band-wagon teams.  But the prerequisite list of statutes must be met in order for you to be accepted into the new team’s affiliation.

Prerequisite list of statutes for acceptance to change of fan affiliation (Professional Level Sports):

1)  Your previous team has to be out of playoff AND championship contention for at least half of your lifetime.

2)  You must be older than 30 years old, because until you hit 30, you don’t know shit about shit and the fact that you don’t even know that you don’t know shit about shit means you’re under 30 years old.

3)  Your previous team must have blown at least 5 consecutive drafts, leading to no young players on the roster worth anything, OR continually draft long-shot Europeans that NEVER pan out (Denver Nuggets, Atlanta Hawks, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves).

4)  You reside in any city/state that doesn’t really matter (in sports, I’m sure they’re all fine places to live and raise kids though):  Orlando, Toronto, Vancouver, Minneapolis, ANY of the Dakotas, hell anything north of Colorado; Nevada, Maine, Connecticut, Utah, Wyoming…….am I missing any?  If you live in these places, you can choose who to root for based on mascot or colors in the rainbow for all I care. **

5)  You’ve never had an affiliation with any pro team, therefor you have a one-time choice when ever you wish to choose.  But choose wisely:

6)  If a new team relocates to your current city, you may join the local fan union for a trial period of 6 months, if after that 6 month-trial you are not completely satisfied with the team, you may dump the local team to the curb.  This mostly will apply to sports fans in the cities of LA, Seattle or any other expansion city.

The exception cities to all these rules are:  Cleveland (any team) and Chicago (Cubs only), cause I mean seriously, it’s ridiculous.  Do whatever the hell you want.

**footnote** Denver would be on this list if it wasn’t for the Elway/Manning-lead Denver Broncos teams and Colorado Avalanche teams of the late 90s-early 2000s

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