The Leonardo DiCaprio Guide To Getting An Oscar For Brad Pitt This Year

With a Ph.D. in luxurious badassery, Leonardo DiCaprio is a true Hollywood prophet whose tales of million-dollar sushi, drugs unavailable to the general public, and the black market vintage toy underground would pique any man-bunned enthusiast’s interest. Leo’s expertise knows no boundaries, but for Brad Pitt‘s needs, the most valuable asset is revealing that mysterious head-in-a-box that has eluded Tyler Durden for decades, an Academy Award for Best Actor.

The two A-list celebrities have similar career trajectories, both starting in TV and small film roles leading to a never-ending cascade of love and adoration from audiences around the world. But somehow during years of partying, drugs, women, Italian vacations, and a personal support group that inspired HBO’s Entourage, Leo somehow managed to acquire the one man that proved unattainable in his past.

That man’s name is Oscar, and with Leo’s guidance, Brad may be ready to meet him. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how he can win that coveted gold statue.

Brad’s Pitt: The Leonardo DiCaprio Guide To Getting An Oscar For Brad Pitt This Year

Ouch: The Best Oscars Moments the Academy Would Love to Forget


Fast Food Paired With Craft Beer Will Take Your Tastebuds Someplace New

After a slew of debaucherous activities, you’re on the hunt for the perfect combination of trashy fast food and an ice cold beer. It’s no secret craft beer can elevate any meal when constructed properly, even if it’s drive-thru you’re shoving down your gullet.

The challenge is to take convenient, cheap food and kick it up a few notches with quality hops. That greasy, half-cooked cheeseburger is going to taste a hell of a lot better when paired with a delicious craft beer. Because let’s face it: You’re cheap and or broke and you want the best of all worlds, but it’s easier to drink well than pay for quality dining at 2 AM.

Have a look at our fast food-craft beer pairing guide below for living right (and affordably).

Beer And Burger Diet: Fast Food Paired With Craft Beer That’ll Make You Go Yum

Nothing is impossible: The Only 9 Fast Food Combos More Impossible Than ‘Impossible Whopper’

18 ‘Game Of Thrones’ GIFs For People Who Don’t Get It

The immensely popular HBO television series Game of Thrones is just as confusing as it is entertaining. Unless you’re a super-duper fan, chances are you can’t even consistently name the characters involved in whatever sexually-charged, dragon-queen scene you’re watching at the moment.

Ranked: The Most Satisfying ‘Game of Thrones’ Deaths

But don’t worry, we’ll give you the overall GOT basics covering the good, bad, disgusting and even more disgusting. At the very least you’ll be able to sound like you mildly know what you’re talking about the next time someone at a party asks you who Jon Snow’s real parents are.

These 18 informative GIFs will ensure you’re ruling the seven kingdoms and defeating the White Walkers like a boss in no time! Maybe you’ll even be motivated to read the books.

Read This Now Or Die: GOT Gifs That Will Make You Understand

Party Tricks: The Cheapest Ways To Stock Your Bar Before the Festivities

Don Draper, Sam Malone, and Mo from The Simpsons; what do all these leading men have in common? In addition to offensive vocabulary and a square jaw, all three luminaries have the uncanny ability to finesse a sophisticated cocktail out of thin air quicker than Dwayne Johnson releases movies about world-ending catastrophes. While we can’t all be iconic debutants of style and class all the time, becoming the Lothario of liquors with an exceptional home bar is attainable and even affordable.

A well-maintained alcohol armory can provide endless opportunities to impress friends, enrage frenemies, and even gain the attention of that attractive new neighbor. The main key to any home bar is to start with what you typically drink, as long as it’s not Zima, and then build from there.

Here are some options that won’t break the bank and send you back to two-buck Chuck.

Easy drinking: How To Stock Your Bar

The Electric Age of Anarchy: 14 Funny Freak-Outs From Angry E-Scooter Nonconformists

Are pedals for peasants? Is walking obsolete?

E-scooters are spreading throughout the world with an infection rate that could surpass the Kardashians. If you’re lucky enough to reside in one of the 100+ opportunistic cities trading cheap convenience for head trauma by way of electric scooter, then you’ve already grown accustomed to the millennial generation’s response to walking.

Lyft, Uber and various other smaller entities jumped to develop their own versions of the nerdy Hell’s Angels transportation options faster than Dwayne Johnson signs on for a ‘Fast & Furious’ reboot. With a low price-point and high-level convenience (drop it when you’re done), the popularity has pushed these epidemic entrepreneurs to expand.

Electric Scooters: Tyranny On Two Wheels Or Cool New Form Of Transportation?

Love ’em or hate ’em, electric trash is littering city sidewalks everywhere, and true to our culture’s form, the negative reaction to these misfit toys has become binge-worthy and Instagrammable.

Have a look at some of our favorite fails of the electric scooter epidemic, then decide which side you’re on. We side with sanity and against litterbugs. At least it’s probably never been cheaper to buy a motorcycle.

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Hot Blooded

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much scooters. such problem.

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Russell Westbrook Is Underrated

I think it’s time.

It’s time we set aside our differences and bring this nation together, no more divide and conquer, no more pointless name-calling. We all need to agree that Russell Westbrook is the most dynamic player we’ve seen in recent NBA history.

Don’t get me wrong, Lebron is the second best overall player EVER, and is a physical specimen with the unrealistic career longevity of 1,000-year-old king tortoise.

NBA’s Worst: Tristan Thompson – The Kevin Federline Of The NBA

But, Westbrook is the most untenable in-game matchup problem in the league and has been that way since he set foot on the court – opposing coaches and players have ZERO chance to keep him in check.

Proof: Westbrook has averaged a triple-double for three straight seasons.

Let that sit in for a moment….go ahead, I’ll wait.

He’s the first player since Oscar Robertson to average a triple-double for an entire season, and Brodie (Russ) has now reached the dubious honor three seasons in a row. Only four seasons in NBA HISTORY have ended with a player averaging a triple-double, count ’em up, rack ’em up – Russ has three out of those four to himself.

RANDOM STATS: Oscar Robertson (Cincinnati Royals), during the 1961–62 season, averaged 30.8 points, 12.5 rebounds, and 11.4 assists per game. Over the last three seasons, Russ has averaged 26.6 ppg, 10.5 apg, and 10.6 rpg on 43% from the field.

The eight-time All-Star hit another major individual career achievement on April 2nd, becoming just the second player in NBA history to have at least 20 points, 20 rebounds and 20 assists in a single game. Wilt Chamberlain is the only other player to have a 20-20-20 game.

Chamberlain was a 7-footer in an era where 7-footers barely existed in all of humanity – he was literally (not literally) the first 7-foot player to be able to run, jump and chew gum at the same time. Wilt was the equivalent of the kid who hit his growth spurt before anyone else had hair in their special places. You know, that kid who was 6’1″ at age 12, with a deep voice and pimply-faced cheeks – while everyone else was 5’1″ and sounded like a flute.

Westbrook’s fiery demeanor and no bull-shit attitude is something that’s lacking in today’s NBA, we should be celebrating his game and appreciating every moment before it’s too late. We’ll never see a player like him again.

Tristan Thompson – The Kevin Federline Of The NBA

Tristan Thompson….

Khloe Kardashian’s boyfriend Cleveland Cavaliers’ TMZ-walking hard-on, has reportedly cheated on his baby mama, yet again. This time, it was with a lady named Jordyn Woods, who is the best friend offffffffff – Khloe’s younger sister Kylie Jenner. It’s an atrocious dumpster fire of a reality show that I’d never actually watch, but I can’t help but ask the question – WHY TRISTAN THOMPSON?!?!

What is it about this 13th-offensive option on the Cavs that all these Kardashian flunkeys start fanning themselves with hundred dollar bills and instinctively flock to his nether-regions like the salmon of cock-istrano!?!?

If this sounds like a bad (insert any rapper with a “lil” in their name) song on constant repeat, that’s because Tristan Thompson, AKA Kanye’s future brother-in-law, reportedly cheated on Khloe while she was pregnant with their daughter last year.

In true Federline enigma status, the concept of Thompson being the most sought-after man in Cleveland is absolutely mind-boggling. Scientists will no doubt ponder and study this universe-bending exploration of unbalanced checks and balances for years and years, with no viable conclusion.

Kinda like Big Foot.

You’d think these ladies would occasionally check out a game or a stat sheet or perhaps watch a second of ESPN before they went fishing for “Richard”. At the very least go for a fella with a decent PER (Thompson 18.69), John Hollinger should create an analytical NBA rankings-based dating app to make it easier for everyone involved.

He could call it “Hook-Shot” or “Diamond & One” or maybe “One & Done”.

*Just for reference, Joakim Noah (yes, he’s still on a roster), Ivica Zubac (huh?), Jakob Poeltl (huh?), and Ivan Raab (ummm?) all have higher PERs than Mr. Thompson-Kardashian.

I can’t even begin to imagine the horror that this Jordyn Woods person is dealing with currently. Putting a relationship with her billionaire best friend on the chopping block for a piece of Tristan’s Thompson (see what I did there?) is like chopping off your finger when cutting open the fish stick freezer bag – it’s just not worth it.

I’ll never understand women.

9.2 ppg – 8.6 rpg – 0.7 bpg

Adidas Money Men Go To Jail

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Evil Men Sentenced To Prison For Giving College Basketball Players Some Money

Photo: Bebeto Mathews, Seth Wenig (AP)

Former Adidas director of global sports marketing for basketball James Gatto, former Adidas consultant Merl Code, and sports business manager Christian Dawkins were all sentenced to prison today for their roles in a college basketball corruption scandal that amounted to a few players and their families receiving a little extra cash.

Gatto will get nine months in prison, while Code and Dawkins will each get six, for the crimes of wire fraud and wire fraud conspiracy. All three men are going to appeal their convictions, while Code and Dawkins are both set for another trial in April for alleged payments to assistant coaches at Arizona, USC, and Oklahoma State.Outstream Video00:0000:00

After the sentences were announced, U.S. Attorney Robert Khuzami got hyperbolically moralistic about the fact that these guys would spend time behind bars:

“The sentences imposed today only begin to reflect the magnitude of the harm these defendants caused through a scheme that not only defrauded multiple public universities but upended the lives of young student-athletes and corrupted a game cherished by so many. Today’s sentences send a clear message to those who might be similarly tempted to corrupt collegiate athletics for their own personal gain that defrauding schools in connection with athletic scholarships is not just a rules violation but a crime, one that will result in a prison term.”

What exactly was the “magnitude of the harm?” Let’s recap:

  • Gatto, Code, and Dawkins helped funnel $100,000 to the father of Brian Bowen, a Louisville recruit, so Bowen would could commit to play at the Adidas-sponsored school.
  • Gatto and former Adidas consultant Thomas Gassnola (who is awaiting his own sentence) funneled $90,000 to Billy Preston’s family, and agreed to funnel money to the legal guardian of Silvio De Sousa, so both would commit to play for Adidas-sponsored Kansas.
  • Gatto and Gassnola helped funnel $40,000 from Adidas to the family of Dennis Smith Jr., so he wouldn’t de-commit from Adidas-sponsored NC State.

No doubt, some harm came out of these actions. Smith was fine, playing a year at NC State and then getting drafted ninth overall in 2017. But Bowen, who entered college a year later, never played for Louisville because the FBI investigative report revealed his family had taken payments. He transferred to South Carolina in January 2018, but eventually decided to go pro rather than follow NCAA regulations and sit out two semesters until January 2019. He now plays in Australia.

Preston fell under NCAA investigation over the “financial picture” of his vehicle after he was involved in a car accident in November 2017, and never played a regular season game for Kansas. He left school in January of 2018 as the investigation dragged on, and he’s in the NBA’s developmental league now.

De Sousa is still at Kansas, and played as a freshman. But the NCAA ruled that he would be forced to sit out the entirety of his 2018-19 and 2019-20 season, because of something he says he didn’t even know about.

So, yes, Khuzami is right that these payments “upended the lives of young student-athletes,” but in every case the harm was caused by the NCAA’s draconian punishments for accepting money that the players should have already been entitled to. Gatto, Code, and Dawkins are by no means noble men just for giving some folks cash, but what they’re really going to prison for is simply carrying out a basic tenant of capitalism: paying the people who will help them make more money.

By the way, absolutely no harm befell any of the programs affected by the payments. NC State, Kansas, and Louisville are all projected to make the NCAA Tournament this month.