If you’re a college basketball fan, March arrived and you woke up and raced to your nearest device to link the March Madness theme song to everyone on your group thread. If you’re hardcore, you might have even linked it to everyone in your phone. Go on with your bad self.

Since (we think) it’s the most wonderful time of the year with the tournament only days away, I put together a list of indicators to potentially help you come to terms with the obsessive nature of your reality. Naturally, “obsessive” is intended as a compliment.

  1. You’re willing to burn some of your vacation PTO to sit on your couch instead of saving it for that exotic vacation you’ve been planning.
  1. Every year your bracket has more bells and whistles than the last. Seeing this, your wife confronts you because she has finally put together where your “discretionary budget” dollars go every year and she’s not having it.
  1. You constantly send yourself calendar invites so you don’t forget to find the nearest TV before tip-off.
  1. You show your little kids (babies, really) photos of every team mascot in the tourney by holding up 2 at a time so they can make “picks” and be a part of the family tradition at birth.
  1. AT&T calls you in April to see if you want to upgrade to a larger data plan because you went WAY over last month trading trash-talking texts about the matchups.
  1. You find yourself lying more to your loved ones by making outlandish excuses for your limited availability…all so you can avoid making social plans and stay home to watch everything live.
  1. You have more contempt for strangers trying to small talk you in public about anything else because they JUST DON’T GET IT.
  1. You set your work preference for the entire month of March as MIDNIGHT SHIFT to get off your manufacturing job by 8AM, crash for an hour and be available to watch games all day.
  1. You realize that you’re mathematically eliminated by Round Three because of how far back you are in the family bracket and the fact that the 2-3 leaders are alternating round-by-round picks to gain leverage.
  1. You find yourself bartering all kinds of things in trade to anyone who will agree to text you play-by-play updates during any stretches of time that you’re in meetings or away from TV/CBS NCAA App reception.
  1. While home schooling, you convince your mom to let you watch the entire tournament IF you write an essay on each game.
  1. For your nephew’s first Christmas you give him a toddler’s Final Four basketball hoop so that as he grows up he has an affinity for March Madness even though he may not remember why. Because he’s too small to use it yet, you retrofit it onto a plastic bin so it’s more attainable:

mini hoop

  1. You update your ESPN Live app at your own rehearsal dinner so you can watch games during your wedding ceremony the next day because it happens to fall on the first weekend of games.

Note: These indicators are all true occurrences and came from real life college basketball fans. None of them have entered themselves into a March Madness Anonymous program with meetings in their local area to date.

Remember, this month, depending on your inner circle, you may find yourself feeling alone. I assure you, you are not. You’re in great company. Just give into it. Embrace the madness.


written by: A.M. Boidock

A.M. Boidock is a CoLA Contributor

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s