Yikes, Michael Rapaport just got tore up

Speaking as a self-proclaimed “cool-ass white dude”, this is a heartbreaker but also a real-life litmus test for all other “cool-ass white dudes”.

Message to white dudes rockin Jordans and carrying backpacks like old-school Kanye: Don’t take your “coolness” for granted, always remember that respect is earned, not given. And for god’s sake, even though he’s lways seemed like a funny guy that everyone (who knew who he is) liked, apparently don’t be like Michael Rapaport.

originally posted on deadspin.com


 

Michael Rapaport Is the Worst Kind of White Man

The story of the scorpion and the frog is an ancient African proverb that explains the importance of knowing whom to trust.

In the story, a frog is preparing to cross a river when it is approached by a cool-ass scorpion. The scorpion asks the frog to give it a ride on its back to traverse the river (the story doesn’t explain how the scorpion learned how to speak frog language, so let’s just assume scorpions are required to take a semester of frogspeak in high school).

The frog is wary of his prospective passenger’s intentions, but the charismatic scorpion sincerely promises that he won’t sting the frog. The amphibian, convinced by the scorpion’s genuineness, finally relents and allows the scorpion to hitch a ride across the water. When they reach the opposite shore, true to its nature, the scorpion dismounts the frog and stings it to death.

“But you promised,” the frog says as he slowly dies. “I thought you were one of the good scorpions. Why did you do this?”

The scorpion looks at the frog and, with a wry smile, responds, “Because I’m Michael Rapaport.”

Michael Rapaport is a cool-ass white dude.

Everyone knows a cool white dude. They listen to hip-hop. They know how to speak “urban.” Sometimes they even embed themselves so deep in black culture that black people might start believing the cool-ass white dude is somehow immune to the disease of racism that manifests itself in many white people.

Michael Rapaport is like this.

On Sunday, before appearing on an episode of Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live,the half-chewed marshmallow center of a racism s’more posted and then deleted a picture of Real Housewives of Atlanta actress Kenya Moore alongside a photo of a gorilla.

During the episode, Rapaport chided the former Miss USA by announcing, “I didn’t wanna say it on live TV, but Kenya’s feet are ashy as fuck!” He continued: “Them shits are ashy. I didn’t wanna say it on live TV ’cause I’m a gentleman, but pan down to them shits. She can cut glass with them shits.”

This is what Michael Rapaport does.

The washed-up actor who built his career in films such as Zebrahead andHigher Learning has long benefited from being embraced by black audiences. Even his most recent gig as the fifth lead on Showtime’s White Famous was based on his proximity to the star, Jay Pharoah.

Perhaps Rapapotty’s greatest achievement in Hollywood was directing the hip-hop documentary on A Tribe Called Quest: Beats, Rhymes and Life.

Despite maintaining simultaneous careers in the fields of unemployment and anonymity, the phlegmlike fuckboy still somehow finds the time to continue his hobby of castigating black women.

In February, Rapapoot took time out of his busy schedule of looking like death warmed over in a malfunctioning toaster oven to go on an extended rant about Janet Jackson. While The Root could not confirm whether Michael Rapaport is simply rotting from the inside or method acting for an upcoming role as a zombie on The Walking Dead, Black Twitter took the time to clap back at his shenanigans.

During the Kaepernick protests, Rapperport instilled fear in the hearts of NFL players who have no idea who the fuck he is by announcing that he would drop them from his fantasy football team if they protested on 9/11. He called Spike Lee a “shitstain” while embodying what diarrhea would look like if someone existed on a diet of apple juice, cauliflower and Nilla Wafers.

His Twitter timeline is filled with him feuding with black women and calling them out of their names, because that’s what he finds hilarious. To be fair, I did find one instance of him feuding with a white woman. He seems to really despise Fox News’ Laura Ingraham. He dislikes her because of her comments. He dissed Janet, Kenya and other black women because he thought it was funny.

The worst kind of racist is one who believes he is not racist.

Michael Rapaportly believes that years of proximity to black culture give him the right to say whatever he wants to about black people. In his mind, he’s immune to being called out because he was in a John Singleton movie. He’s not a bigot because he drops his r’s when he talks. He’s friends with Q-Tip, so he can’t be racist. Some of his best films are black.

The sad thing is, he’s probably right.

No matter how despicable Michael RipApart is, there are still some who will cape for him. He’s a cool-ass white dude, so they will excuse his habitual line stepping, especially when it involves black women. He’s the kind of person who says the n-word around his friends because they know “what kind of person” he is.

That kind of person is a racist.

The marginally talented Michael Rapaport has figured out a way to keep himself from drowning in Hollywood by riding on the backs of black folks for years. He doesn’t see anything wrong with his poison because ultimately, it is who he truly is.

There is another African proverb that goes: When someone tells you who they are, don’t believe them. When someone shows you who they are, believe them … unless it’s Michael Rapaport. Fuck that guy.

He’s the worst.

Note: This article may contain some misspellings of Michael Rapaport’s name. We tried to Google the correct spelling, but Google responded, “Who?”

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The new catch rule: uhhhh what?

Here’s The New Part Of The Catch Rule We’ll All Be Confused About

It’s darkly charming that, more than 100 years after the legalization of the forward pass in football, one of the most frustrating parts of the game is not knowing what the NFL considers a catch. The league knows this is a problem, and set priority No. 1 this offseason as simplifying the catch rule. Now we know, in rough terms, what it’ll look like.

Yesterday, Troy Vincent gave a tease:

“Slight movement of the ball, it looks like we’ll reverse that,” Vincent said Tuesday. “Going to the ground, it looks like that’s going to be eliminated. And we’ll go back to the old replay standard of reverse the call on the field only when it’s indisputable.”

Today, the NFL competition committee revealed its recommendations, as relayed by head of officiating Al Riveron. It is expected to be approved by owners at next week’s league meetings.

“The ability to perform such an act.” Yep, that’s it. That’s going to be the main point of debate. A receiver’s going to get hit and lose the ball a beat after putting his second foot down, and the question will be whether he could have made “a football move” or not, and some people will think yes and some will think no and the referees, after a lengthy review, will rule the opposite of whatever you think should have happened.

The NFL is backed into a corner just by dint of using instant replay, because actions and intentions at full-speed bear the scantest resemblance to those same actions viewed on review. Slow motion is alethiological hell.

There’s not really a perfect answer here, but it’d be nice if the NFL’s definition of “catch” resembled what you and I and every English-speaker understand to be a “catch.” Like, if you toss your friend the car keys, you know what it means to say he caught it. (Or dropped it, as the case may be.)

To that end, I’d like to formally propose my foolproof solution to the NFL’s catch rule problem. There will be a tribunal consisting of three 9-year-olds stationed at the league office, or possibly at a California Pizza Kitchen. When a play is challenged or reviewed, the 9-year-olds will be shown the replay. The 9-year-olds will decide—majority rule—if the player caught the ball or if he didn’t. This couldn’t be simpler.

NCAA March Madness things to hate – get off my lawn

Grayson Allen drinks Mountain Dew

March Madness is here! No single month of the year exemplifies our culture’s need for gambling more than the month of March. The NCAA tournament is everything you would want in sports, incredible competitiveness, underdog narratives and of course hated opponents. It’s all the aspects of terrific story-telling in a 30 day-ish, 5-round meal. But with every meal, inherently there are aspects you love and hate equally…or possibly hate more than your soul would ever allow you to love.

Haterade in full affect

Since we’re all haters at our core, here’s who you can feel free to hate on during the month of March.

Even his mom thinks he’s kinda ehhh

1. The Duke Blue Devils,but more accurately it’s their senior guard and overall rich-kid asshole, Grayson Allen.  Doesn’t he just look like the kinda guy that needs a smack to the grill? He’s essentially the reincarnate of Christian Laettner, minus the blonde highlights. Duke is a perennial Final Four school, which is annoying enough by itself, but Grayson Allen is a 10th year senior (seriously he was a freshman in like, ’99 right?), who has tripped 3 opposing players over the last 2 years AND threw a dirty hip-check to another last week. If that isn’t bad enough, after every incident he’s acted like a fat kid who got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar, “who me?” and “I didn’t do it” faces are the only expressions Grayson has to offer. Feel free to hate on Duke and Grayson as much as your soul will allow.  

2. The play-in games. The four games before the REAL GAMES that determine which little school that no one has ever heard of, or big school that sucked this year, gets to play in games that actually count. The 8 teams that didn’t quite make the tourney but somehow kinda made the tourney play to see who gets two 11-seeds and two 16-seeds? I’ve never understood how teams that barely squeaked into the tourney, by accident, could somehow get an extra game in order to be an 11-seed in a bracket ranked above teams that won their conference out-right? How much sense does that make? I don’t know what the answer is to this stupidity, maybe have the play-in winners always be the four 16-seeds? Anyway, who cares…..unless Radford somehow beats Villanova in the first round, then this is scenario is awesome AND I LOVE IT.

Small school shout-out..and a headband

3. The NCAA/FBI investigations. Seriously, who cares at this point? EVERY D-I school on the planet has been paying players under the table since the mid-80’s in some way shape or form. It’s not a new occurrence, Blue Chips was made in 1994 and He Got Game was made in 1998  for God’s sake. The NCAA “amateur status” players is a broken and archaic model, don’t hate the player…hate the game.

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4. Crying fans. I get that it’s a funny moment, but I mean come on. Ok, ok I will admit I still laugh at the kid from last year who looked as if someone stole his Playstation controller mid-game at the same moment that his puppy died while his favorite Power Ranger got beat down with Harry Potter’s sword-stick thingy in a pool of Spaghetti-O’s……..or whatever these kids are into these days.

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5. People that don’t understand how to fill out a bracket. It’s not complicated, you pick a winner for each game and write it down next to the game. That’s it. THAT’S the  solution to the mind-blowing puzzle. Choose by team name, geographic location, mascot, team color, or some random family connection. Truthfully, you all have as much of a chance as a college basketball analyst. 

When does he come back?

  • Sidenote to this one, if you don’t watch college hoops all year and then annoyingly talk like you’re an ESPN analyst because you read Joe Linardi’s article this morning and watched Bracketology on the World Wide Leader, just shutup and sit down. Enjoy the games, root for whoever you want, but don’t regurgitate something you read and try to pawn it off like it’s your idea. Don’t be that guy.

 

 

 

NCAA March Madness guide for basketball idiots

originally posted here


  • written by Myron Medcalf
  • ESPN Staff Writer

March has arrived.

And with the new month comes the commencement of the greatest postseason tournament in sports. Yeah, the World Series is fun, but we all know the Milwaukee Brewers ain’t taking down the Yankees in seven games. The Golden State Warriors should skate to another NBA title. The New England Patriots still run the AFC.

But Middle Tennessee could make a run to San Antonio. Who? Exactly.

The NCAA tournament is built for the underdogs.

And we’re here to prepare you for the pending whirlwind. With this survivor’s guide, you’ll walk into that NCAA tournament party feeling omniscient.

The stars are here:

Marvin Bagley IIIDuke Blue Devils
Duke’s lead actor is a 6-foot-11 freshman with the most versatile set of skills in college basketball. He’s not afraid to handle the ball, go to work in the paint, take a 3-pointer or run the floor and score. He led Saturday’s comeback against North Carolina — Duke outscored the Tar Heels by 20 points after halftime — with an uncanny 21-point, 15-rebound, two-block effort.

Deandre AytonArizona Wildcats
Imagine if Shaquille O’Neal could hit the occasional 3-pointer. In most cases, any comparisons to one of the most powerful centers in NBA history would draw justified criticism and questions about the author’s credibility. But Ayton, a freshman from Nassau, Bahamas, is 7-foot-1 and 260 pounds. The most freakish prospect at his position since O’Neal is averaging a healthy double-double this year. He could go Anthony Davis on the field and carry Arizona to the Final Four.

Luke MayeNorth Carolina Tar Heels
We like our stars to possess imposing physiques and cocksure personalities. Well, that ain’t Luke Maye. If you put all the top players on the court for a pickup game, Maye would not stand out. But the lighthearted, subdued star is an All-American and the key to UNC’s evolution this season. He entered Saturday’s game against Duke averaging 17.9 points per game and 10.2 rebounds per game, while connecting on 46 percent of his 3-pointers.

Devonte’ GrahamKansas Jayhawks
The 6-foot-2 guard leads a Kansas squad that just snatched its 14th consecutive Big 12 championship, a record for Division I schools. He’s a potent guard who averages 17.7 points, 7.2 assists and 1.6 steals per game, while connecting on 42.6 percent of his shots from beyond the arc. Against zone defenses, he has made 48.7 percent of his shots, an “excellent” mark, per Synergy Sports.

Jalen BrunsonVillanova Wildcats
The smartest player in college basketball commits turnovers only about once every 10 trips up the floor. Brunson is solid everywhere: at the free throw line (81 percent), 3-point line (40.5 percent) and on isolation plays (52.2 percent, per Synergy Sports). He’s the confident leader of a serious contender for the national championship. He’s not an above-the-rim threat, but he’s savvy and wise, a point guard worth watching.

Never leave the room when these teams are playing:

Villanova head Coach – Jay Wright

Villanova Wildcats
On Selection Sunday, Xavier will probably secure one of the four coveted No. 1 seeds. In two matchups this season, Villanova beat Xavier by a combined 40 points. This is a Villanova squad that has the same qualities Jay Wright’s team boasted when the Wildcats won the title in 2016. Small ball is the new chic style, and no team in America plays it better than Villanova, a squad with three players 6-foot-5 or taller who’ve made at least 39 percent of their 3-pointers. This is the most exciting and efficient offense in the country, and it could rumble through the field in March.

Virginia Head Coach – Tony Bennett

Virginia Cavaliers
Tony Bennett’s team plays a defensive style that’s led to numbers we’ve never seen in the analytics era. The Cavaliers (.839 points per possession allowed) are ranked first in adjusted offensive efficiency on KenPom.com. Check this: 13 squads have failed to score more than 50 points against Virginia in a 40-minute game. It’s a gradual decline for opponents when they play Virginia, a team that plays the slowest pace in America. Fifty-point outputs and a slow tempo are a turnoff to some. But Virginia’s unmatched ability to submit opponents and force them into folly is a beautiful thing to witness. This is the most daunting defensive matchup in the field.

Michigan State Head Coach – Tom Izzo

Michigan State Spartans
Tom Izzo’s team’s greatest asset is its interior depth. He has six players who are 6-foot-7 or taller, a revolving fleet of size that’s the anchor to a defense that has held opponents to a 38.4 percent mark inside the arc, the No. 1 team in America. You combine that with a 6-foot-11 lottery pick named Jaren Jackson Jr. who made 43 percent of his 3-pointers in Big Ten play, a 6-foot-7 Wooden Award candidate named Miles Bridges and a squad that has connected on nearly 42 percent of its 3-pointers this season, and you have a legit contender. The Spartans, who lost to rival Michigan in the Big Ten tournament semifinals, are one of the most fascinating products in the field.

Wichita State Head Coach – Gregg Marshall

Wichita State Shockers
Sunday’s loss to Cincinnati was just the second setback since Jan. 20 for Gregg Marshall’s squad (the other was at Temple on Feb. 1). Six players on the roster are averaging at least 8.4 PPG and 10 players average 4.8 PPG or more. The Shockers are led by Landry Shamet, a point guard trying to play his way into the first round of the NBA draft. He’s made 44 percent of his 3-pointers this season, and Wichita State generates a whopping 1.21 points per possession with him on the floor (hooplens.com). This is a team with an explosive, diverse offense and a smooth point guard who leads the attack. Fun squad to track in March.

Duke Head Coach – Mike Krzyzewski

Duke Blue Devils
In recent weeks, Mike Krzyzewski’s squad switched to a zone and commenced a late burst that culminated with a win over a North Carolina team that Duke outscored 49-29 in the second half on Saturday. Wow. The last time Krzyzewski made a similar transition to zone with a talented roster that has struggled on defense (10th in the ACC in adjusted defensive efficiency during league play, according to KenPom.com), he won a national title with the 2014-15 team. He has two lottery picks in Wendell Carter Jr. and Marvin Bagley III. And when they play their best basketball (see: second half of UNC win Saturday) the Blue Devils are hard to stop.

Squads on the rise:

Murray State Racers
Murray State, which just captured the Ohio Valley Conference title and the automatic berth attached to it, has lost just one game since Jan. 11. The Racers are led by versatile guard Jonathan Stark (21.8 PPG, 41 percent from the 3-point line, 89 percent from the free throw line), and the team connects on more than 37 percent of its 3-point attempts. Dangerous underdog.

Tennessee Volunteers
Rick Barnes has manufactured a magical season in Knoxville. His team is 10-2 since Jan. 17. The Vols have made 38.1 percent of their 3-pointers, too. They’ve beaten Purdue and swept Kentucky. With Admiral Schofield and Grant Williams, the Vols can play with any team in America.

Gonzaga Bulldogs
Mark Few lost key players from a team that reached the national championship game last year. This current Gonzaga crew is different but equally potent and stacked with matchup nightmares. The Bulldogs boast players like 6-9 Johnathan Williams, who can guard multiple positions and play inside and outside. Killian Tillie, a 6-10 NBA prospect, has made 46 percent of his 3-point attempts this season. This has been a promising finish for a team with just one loss since Christmas entering the WCC tournament.

Michigan Wolverines
At some point, we’ll begin to recognize John Beilein as one the game’s top coaches. Against Michigan State in the semifinals of the Big Ten tournament, Moritz Wagner — a 6-11 big man who connects on 39 percent of his 3-pointers — struggled in the first half, but the Wolverines hit the switch in the second half of a key victory. Behind Wagner’s team-high 17 points, Michigan defeated Purdue on Sunday to claim the Big Ten title and take a nine-game winning streak into the tournament.

Missouri Tigers
Cuonzo Martin’s squad was left for dead after Michael Porter Jr. suffered a back injury that cost him all but two minutes of the regular season. Yet it seems that the Tigers sit comfortably in the field of 68. They’ve made 39.5 percent of their 3-pointers. Jontay Porter, Michael Porter Jr.’s younger brother, is helping with 9.8 PPG and 6.8 RPG. And big brother could come back for the SEC tournament. Watch out for the Tigers.

Don’t the bet the farm on these frustrating teams:

Kentucky Wildcats
This ain’t the typical one-and-done crew John Calipari assembles in Lexington. They’re long and bouncy, and these Wildcats can overwhelm teams with their athleticism. But you never know whether you’ll get the squad that launched a successful comeback at West Virginia in January or the team that forgot to defend the 3-point line in a loss at Florida on Saturday.

West Virginia Mountaineers
The Mountaineers are one of two teams in America that can say they’ve defeated Virginia. But they’re a more reasonable foe when their rabid Press Virginia defensive style fails to stall opponents as intended. The same team that beat Virginia couldn’t handle a Texas team on Saturday that did not have three of its top six scorers.

Florida Gators
There are two Florida teams. Good Florida hits 3-pointers from the parking lot and beats teams like Gonzaga and Cincinnati. Bad Florida gets swept by South Carolina and loses to Ole Miss on the road. We’re not sure which one will show up in March.

Texas A&M Aggies
The promise and peril of Texas A&M was punctuated by one stretch in Saturday’s win over Alabama, which gave the Aggies a 7-3 record in their past 10 games. In the final minute, TJ Starks was ejected after he got physical with Collin Sexton. It was a silly play that ruined Texas A&M’s momentum, but it also highlighted the problem with this talented roster: The Aggies might not be disciplined enough to get out of their own way in March.

Oklahoma Sooners
When Oklahoma beat Wichita State, USC and Kansas, Trae Young and the Sooners were praised. Young looked like the clear favorite to win the Wooden Award then. Now, we’re looking at a squad with just two wins since Jan. 30. The Sooners are playing poor defense, and that could thrust the program into a dangerous opening-round game. We know how high they can go. Their early wins proved as much. But Oklahoma’s floor is quite low.

 

The 2018 Olympic moments that will make you cry inspired tears

During every Olympics there are special moments, the type of moments that bring a tear to your eye and maybe make your lip quiver while you try to catch your breath. Your lungs fill with pride and your heart beats twice as fast while you watch your fellow Americans sweat and bleed the red, white and blue.

Here are some examples of those moments in the 2018 PyeongChang Olympics:

Team USA Women’s Hockey

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea – FEBRUARY 22: The U.S. women’s hockey team sits for a team photo following the women’s gold medal hockey game with the U.S.A. defeating Canada 3-2 in a shootout during the 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)

In one of the most epic, Mighty Ducks-ian finishes an Olympic hockey game could ever muster, Team USA women pulled out an overtime, shoot-out victory over northern border-rival, Canada.

Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson scored the winning goal to give Team USA its first Olympic championship in 20 years. In three of the previous four Olympics, the U.S. women lost to Canada in the finals.

“Our mission for our team has been clear since day one,” said Duggan, the team captain. “We wanted to come here and be the best team we could be as Team USA every single game, regardless of opponent. Everyone in this room and everyone in the world knows our history against the opponent we faced [Thursday] night, but it certainly was special for us, based on what we’ve been through.”

“But it was about Team USA [Thursday] night. And when I think about the way we looked at each other on the ice after, the time we spent in the locker room together after the game, the win was about our team, our program, our country and we couldn’t be more proud.”

The pride she refers to comes from years of pin-point focus from a group of women who have been working emphatically for this moment. The team’s win resonated deeper than most and far beyond just the 23 women on the Olympic roster. It also came 38 years to the day since the classic “Miracle on Ice” win by the American men.

The Korean Unified Team

The Unified Korea team players thank the fans after the women’s ice hockey game between the Unified Korea team and Sweden during the Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)

No matter the politics involved, one of the most poignant moments in the opening ceremony was the unification of the North and South Korean athletes entering PyeongChang Olympic Stadium side by side with a common flag.

The unified women’s hockey team was the lightning bolt of the symbol for peace, and quite a symbolic weight at this highly politicized Games. The team didn’t win a single game during competition, and they only scored 2 total goals the entire Olympics.

To the coach, Sarah Murray, who was holding back tears after the last buzzer sounded, the lack of scoring and final results were beside the point.

“For the two teams to be able to combine and have such good chemistry in such a short amount of time with all the media and governments,” Murray told reporters after the game, “it’s pretty remarkable that our players were able to make it work.”

She added: “Today it was a great feeling to feel like maybe the fans that were here cheering for us were really cheering for us. They were cheering for a hockey game and a hockey team, and I really appreciated that.”

The combined team from North and South Korea may have only been for sport, but the hope embodied in that relatively small act could possibly help smooth tensions on the Korean peninsula. Cooperation and compromise made this team a possibility, the hope for Koreans moving forward is that the Olympics will shine a positive light on the possibility for change and peace.

After their last game ended, the Korean team remained on the ice after the Swedish team left. The Korean team stood in a circle in the middle of the rink, the players slammed their sticks onto the ice and the crowd erupted into chants of “We are one!”. And as they skated around the rink to salute the fans, the theme song from the 1988 Seoul Olympics, “Hand in Hand,” played throughout the arena as if it was a message being sung out to anyone who could hear.

Mark McMorris

Mark McMorris went from barely breathing to winning Bronze in PyeongChang.

Eleven months ago Mark McMorris laid in the snow waiting for a rescue helicopter in the backcountry near Whistler, British Columbia, with a fractured jaw, a ruptured spleen, internal bleeding, multiple broken bones and a collapsed lung.

“I was pretty sure I was going to die”, said McMorris.

The Canadian snowboarder had mis-timed a massive jump, hit a tree in mid-air and came crashing down.

Fast forward to last Sunday, where McMorris stood on the Olympic podium after winning a bronze medal in men’s snowboard slopestyle.

Not only did McMorris literally beat the odds to return to competition after life-threatening injuries. But he and teammate Max Parrot also earned Team Canada its first medals of the PyeongChang games.

In taking silver and bronze respectively, the dynamic duo also made history by giving Canada its first ever double podium showing in an Olympic snowboard event, according to the Canadian Olympic Team.

McMorris has been a magnet for injuries over the years, including breaking his femur in a fall in 2016 and needing a metal rod surgically implanted in his leg.

“I’m glad I pulled through that last injury to be here because this is pretty special,”  he told reporters Sunday.

These incredible individuals made viewers pay attention to more than just the sport they were competing in. The attention was bigger than just sport, bigger than just the Olympics, and hopefully we can all take inspiration from them and apply to our own lives.

Team USA medal count totals per state

Fake News:
The fake Kim Jong Un and the fake Donald Trump were kicked out of two separate Olympic events in PyeongChang.

The PyeongChang Olympics have come to an end, cue the sappy wrap-it-up music and let’s wander off into the South Korean sunset, er, uh, the sunrise, this 15 hour time difference is killing me.

All the medals have been handed out, all the tears have been wiped away, now it’s time to check the damage. Let’s see what we accomplished as a country in 2018, and how does our medal count break down by U.S. state? Which state produced the most medals and has the pleasure of bragging rights for the next few years?

Team USA sent 244 total athletes to the PyeongChang Olympics, 109 females and 135 males. The youngest athlete was figure skater, Vincent Zhou (17), and the oldest athlete was hockey’s Brian Gionta (39). Among the U.S. athletes, there was 1 mother, Kikkan Randall (cross country skiing), 20 fathers and 7 pairs of siblings:

Erik and Sadie Bjornsen (cross country skiing), Bryan and Taylor Fletcher (Nordic combined), Becca and Matt Hamilton (curling), Logan and Reese Hanneman (cross country skiing), Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson and Monique Lamoureux-Moradno (ice hockey), Caitlin and Scott Patterson (cross country skiing) and Alex and Maia Shibutani (figure skating).

Here are some highlights:

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Check out the breakdown and rankings by state, this includes team events like hockey, curling and team figure skating:

There were 31 different states represented at the Olympics in 2018 , producing 23 total medal winners. Minnesota – 11 total medals, California – 11 total medals, Colorado – 7 total medals, Illinois – 4 total medals, Massachusetts – 4 total medals, Michigan – 3 total medals, Utah – 3 total medals, Florida – 2 total medals, New York – 2 total medals, North Dakota – 2 total medals, Idaho – 1 total medal, Indiana – 1 total medal, Nevada – 1 total medal, North Carolina – 1 total medal, Pennsylvania – 1 total medal, Vermont – 1 total medal

 

 

Yes, And-1 Is Still Around And Hot Sauce Is Still Breakin Ankles

The hoops crime scene was outlined with white chalk, a pair of untied Jordan’s and a back-side sweat print on the wood floor in Atlanta at Phillips Arena on Monday night.  The victim was identified as Joey “Falls Hard” Jenkins (may or may not be his actual name).

The sniper?  AND1 Mixtape star Philip “Hot Sauce” Champion.

Looks like the halftime show is more exciting than any actual Atlanta Hawks game this season:

NBA All-Star Voting Is Dumb

The NBA announced the 10 “starters” for the NBA All-Star pick-up game that is set to be performed at the Staples Center midway through the N.E.R.D. concert, and just following the Fergie/Bare Naked Ladies National Anthems next month.  Yes, you read that correctly, Bare…Naked…Ladies are still around apparently.

The voting is a trifecta of confusion and stupidity based on 3 voting groups consisting of fans, players and media members.  The media members cast votes for 7 frontcourt players and 5 backcourt players which are then ranked accordingly.  While this seeems like a decent system worthy of even the GOP’s approval, the fans are allowed to vote as many times as they want online and there was even recently a “double voting” night on the NBA website which made every vote count as two.  What?!?!?!

Lastly, the players themselves cast votes, which leads to 125 guys who got at least one vote from a fellow player.  That’s an average of a little more than 8 per team — not just to be an All-Star, but a starter.  Here’s a list of every player that received 1 vote:

  • East Frontcourt: Cedi Osman, Domantas Sabonis, John Henson, Jabari Parker, Jarrett Allen, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Doug McDermott, Frank Kaminsky, Bismack Biyombo, Trevor Booker, Dwayne Bacon, Ike Anigbogu, Denzel Valentine, James Michael McAdoo, TJ Leaf, Semi Ojeleye, Taurean Prince, Amir Johnson, Lance Thomas, Marvin Williams, Anthony Tolliver, Tyler Cavanaugh, Johnny O’Bryant III, Eric Moreland
  • East Guards: Derrick Rose, JR Smith, Frank Ntilikina, Zach LaVine, Dennis Schroeder, Courtney Lee, Terry Rozier, Wayne Ellington, Tyler Johnson, Mario Hezonja, Luke Kennard, Langston Galloway, Cameron Payne, Sean Kilpatrick, Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot, Derrick Jones Jr., Derrick Walton Jr.
  • West Frontcourt: David West, Julius Randle, Rudy Gobert, Kosta Koufos, Nemanja Bjelica, Paul Millsap, Willie Cauley-Stein, Josh Jackson, Omer Asik, Dragan Bender, Matt Costello, Damian Jones, Ivica Zubac, Trey Lyles, Gorgui Dieng, Darius Miller, Dwight Powell, Justin Jackson, Nerlens Noel, James Ennis III, Dakari Johnson, Willie Reed, Brice Johnson, JaKarr Sampson, Jack Cooley, Tyler Lydon, Brandan Wright
  • West Guards: Jordan Clarkson, Danny Green, Bogdan Bogdanovic, Seth Curry, De’Aaron Fox, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Gerald Green, Tyus Jones, Will Barton, Brandon Paul, Wes Matthews, George Hill, Briante Weber, Pat Connaughton, Daniel Hamilton, Emmanuel Mudiay, Aaron Brooks, Sindarius Thornwell, Wayne Selden

For now let’s focus on how dumb fan-voting is.  Here’s all you need to know, Lonzo Ball received 607,961 fan votes, which beat out Chris Paul, Damian Lillard, Jimmy Butler, Devin Booker, Tony Parker, Lou Williams, CJ McCollum, LaMarcus Aldridge, Karl-Anthony Towns, Kyle Kuzma, Blake Griffin, Brandon Ingram….I mean the list is long and distinguished, unlike Lonzo’s stat-lines this season.

Here’s another cherry on top of the madness, Gordon Hayward received more than 79,000 votes from fans (16th among East frontcourt players).  Hayward has played less than six minutes this season because of a vomit-inducing injury on opening night.

Sure it feels weird to whine about voting for what is billed as a “fun” celebratory basketball weekend for the NBA, but players’ career stats and salaries are partially affected by all-star voting.  The number of all-star appearances are valuable, feather-in-your-hat, negotiating tools in contract discussions as well as HOF induction parameters at the end of a player’s career.  So while it may seem like a meaningless award to be named to an all-star team for casual NBA fans, it’s much more meaningful to players.

Damian Lillard is a two-time all-star, that averages 23 ppg during his six year career in the NBA.  He’s consistently considered widely as a top-five guard in the western conference and by some hoop-heads, a top-five guard in the entire league.  He’s the 4th highest voted guard in the west by the players this season, but 8th overall in the west by fans and received ZERO votes by media members.  How is this possible?  Simply put: Lillard plays in Portland in a tough western conference, and the pacific northwest is a forgotten wasteland to media members and fans alike unless the city is named Seattle or whatever Narnia those vampire emo-kids are from.

Furthering my point, Lonzo Ball of the Los Angeles Lakers has 250,000 more fan votes than Lillard (insert stat-lines that will infuriate):

Damian Lillard 2017-18: 25 ppg 4.8 rpg 6.5 apg

42.8 FG% 34.9 FG3% 91.9 FT%

PER 22.8

Lonzo Ball 2017-18: 10.2 ppg 7.1 rpg 7.1 apg

35.6 FG% 30.3 FG3% 48 FT%

PER 12.1 

In addition to fans being degenerate, drunken, mental dwarfs….the players’ vote isn’t much more efficient when you consider: Tyler Zeller, who is 10th on the Nets in minutes per game at 17.6, received four votes from the players.  So did Jahlil Okafor, who barely played for the 76ers before getting traded to the Nets.  He’s played 138 minutes TOTAL this season.  Knicks bench-mooks Michael Beasley and Kyle O’Quinn also received four votes.  Enes Kanter finished tied for ninth among frontcourt players in the East with 17 votes, ahead of players like Khris Middleton, Dwight Howard and Hassan Whiteside.  The Knicks’ 2nd best player all season, Tim Hardaway Jr., only received two votes, the same was Wily Hernangomez but one more than Doug McDermott and Lance Thomas.

So what’s the answer?

First of all, expand team sizes to 14 per side with 2 alternates.  Who cares about playing time, this isn’t the YMCA rec league.

Secondly, voting for those 16 total players in both conferences should come from a) NBA Coach’s vote, b) Media Members vote, and c) NBA Players’ vote.

Lastly, let the stupid fans have their fun by selecting the starters from those rosters selected by the coaches, media members and players.  Fans votes should have ZERO affect on a player’s career stats or future contract-bargaining chips when it comes to all-star appearances.

Why is this whole thing so dumb?  I used to love the NBA All-Star Weekend, what happened?!?!