Pete Rose is One Step Closer

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“Charlie Hustle” is slowly getting closer to being taken off the MLB black-list.  A few years ago Pete Rose couldn’t set foot inside a MLB stadium, much less take part in any kind of league sponsored event, but things are looking up for the All-Time Major League Leader in Hits (4,256) as he’s received the OK to participate in All-Star Game activities this summer in Cincinnati.

Pete-SlidesRose has been banned from all MLB activities completely since 1989 when he was accused of betting on baseball games that he may have been involved with as a manager of the Cincinnati Reds.

Speaking on behalf of my generation (I can do that apparently), I think reinstatement is an inevitability and honestly I don’t care if he bet on baseball (as long as he wasn’t playing while he did it).

We’ve watched OJ get away with murder (but not stealing memorabilia apparently).

We saw Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa (not to mention Roger Clemens, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez etc…) steroid themselves into the record books.

We saw Bobby Knight choke a player during practice, we saw Latrell Sprewell choke his coach, PJ Carlesimo in practice!

We’ve seen Ray Lewis get out of ALL jail-time after allegedly stabbing someone.  We saw Ray Rice beat up his girlfriend on VIDEO!  Adrian Peterson beat the hell out of his kid with a stick!

I mean, comparatively speaking anything Pete Rose did with scumbag bookies in Vegas seems rather juvenile doesn’t it??  The guy has served his penance for something that’s NEVER BEEN PROVEN (in 2004 Rose admitted to betting, but never on his own team/games).

soapbox-2@feature

Top Ten Reasons to Quit Fantasy Football

If you’re anything like me, Fantasy Football runs your day-to-day life like a Stewie Griffin shaped head-marathon through a forest filled with bye-week trees and touchdown rivers.  That cloud you see over my head is filled with Matthew Berry stats, wrapped in a rotoworld prediction blanket and every week I teeter back and forth between sanity and Rain Man status.

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I’m always one step from going over the edge when Thursday rolls around and prepping for the this week’s lineup comes to a pre-climax…….and this week is no exception.

So with that in mind, I give you the top ten reasons to quit fantasy football immediately.

10)  Your girlfriend/wife will fill your Sunday with activities.

(if you don’t have a GF or wife, maybe Fantasy Football is the reason?)

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Your girlfriend/wife doesn’t like football, even if she says she does.  She doesn’t understand why Fantasy Football is fun, it seems like socially accepted Dungeons & Dragons for adults.

9)  Cheerleaders don’t have a roster spot.

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Am I the only one that thinks the only thing missing from Fantasy Football is the CH (cheerleader) position?  Imagine a world where we have statistical break-downs for each team’s cheerleaders every week.  Stats could be categorized into sections: Team Spirit (TS), Leg Kicks (LK), Wardrobe Changes (WC) and Cheers Above Replacement (CAR).

8)  There’s no reason to HAVE to watch/root for the Jets, Jags or Raiders.

If you have players from those teams on your roster that you are actually counting on to produce each week……then you may as well just quit Fantasy Football.  You’re not going to win your league.

7)  Whoever has Peyton Manning is going to win your league.

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If you’re in a league with more than 8 teams, then who ever owns Peyton Manning is going to win.  Seriously, the guy is a Fantasy Football Tom Hanks (always good in every situation).

6)  If you drafted a RB that isn’t named Marshawn Lynch or DeMarco Murray in the first round.

Seriously, there are maybe 3 RBs that were worth drafting high in the entire NFL Fantasy world.  At best, you may be able to add Le’Veon Bell and Matt Forte to that “consistent RB” list???

5)  Ray Rice

You drafted Ray Rice this season, stick a spoon in your eye and retire from Fantasy Football.

4)  Adrian Peterson

Again, sharpen spoon, insert into eyeball and consider Fantasy NASCAR.

3)  Money, Self Respect and that general “punched in the gut feeling” every Sunday night

Have you ever estimated how much money you spend on losing at Fantasy Football?  It’s staggering how much time and money is involved in SUCKING at something.  Every Monday it’s like I just got back from Vegas, I look at my bank account and think, “did I go to the Spearmint Rhino at 6am?”

2)  The (insert favorite team) will NEVER call and offer you their open GM/Coaching position based on Fantasy Football results

Even though that makes for a great, corny, sports movie plotline:  “Joe was a regular guy, driving a forklift at his blue-collar job in the local micro-brewery, when he got the phone call that changed his life forever…………”

From the  producers who brought you Eddie and Air Bud, we give you the new sports movie hit for the Summer:

“FORKLIFT QUARTERBACK”

starring Kevin Costner and Morgan Freeman 

And the # 1 reason to quit fantasy football:

1)  Don’t you have kids?

Seriously, go outside and teach your kid to throw a football.

I now realize that all these reasons to quit Fantasy Football are exactly the reasons we all continue to PLAY Fantasy Football every week.  It’s a drug and we’re addicted, and maybe……just maybe the Denver Broncos will call??

 

Meanwhile in Korea…..

The future 20-game winner for the New York Yankees announcing his presence with authority in this video, is councilman Kim Sung-il.  He is upset with the relocation of a professional baseball stadium that has yet to be built in Korea, decided by the mayor of Changwon, South Korea, Ahn Sang-soo. 

The Mayor decided the new stadium will be built in Masan, instead of Jinhae, which is where the councilman is from, and as we all know is the omelet capitol of the Korea.

Bad move Mayor Ahn Sang-soo.

Even though the second egg goes wide right: 

I appreciate the fact that councilman Kim Sung-ill had the gumption to bring two eggs to a words-fight, just in case he had time to reload.

PEOPLE THAT SHOULD HAVE EGGS THROWN AT THEM:

1.  Roger Goodell

2.  Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, Greg Hardy, Arian Foster…..hell, EVERY NFL player mentioned in any news the last two weeks.

3.  The Minnesota Vikings Front Office

4.  Paul George (remember his twitter rant about Ray Rice?)

5.  Cris Collinsworth, Troy Aikman, Joe Buck, Phil Simms, you all put me to sleep with your monotone, boring, football-squawk-box, word-vomit every single Sunday.  PLEASE go away.

6.  Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless (I didn’t forget about you ESPN).  Seriously, how many times do we have to see or hear these guys fake-arguing or saying something borderline racist or flat out offensive?!?!  It doesn’t help that they’re on air EVERY morning when I wake up, I’d rather wake up next to a herpes-ridden Tyrannosaurus Rex with low self-esteem and a small “Molly” habit, then hear Stephen A. and Skip talk about anything.

7.  Wes Welker.  Seriously bro?  Amphetamines at the Kentucky Derby??

8.  Jameis Winston.  All you have to do at this point is NOT be an idiot and you’re a top 3 pick in the next NFL draft.

9.  Rihanna.  U mad bro?  CBS and the Baltimore Ravens thought it would be a bad move to have you sing “Run This Town” before the week 2 Sunday Ravens game due to the Ray Rice news causing Rihanna to become upset about getting bumped to Thursday night’s game.  I mean, just connect the dots on your own.

10.  Athletes who use twitter by themselves with no one monitoring it for them.  It’s just gonna get you into trouble.  Stop.