You Know It’s A Slow Time In Sports When…..

amfxtmeidqe51cdzusky

Yesterday a guy dove head first into the Yankees dugout, knocked himself unconscious and then was arrested.

This description of events, from the New York Daily News, is funny:

“It kind of freaked me out, actually,” Girardi said. “I think he tried to jump in, but he was probably not in a state to be walking.”

Girardi said the fan landed on the steps, hitting his side after falling from the top of the dugout. He tried to get up and fell again, this time hitting the back of his head. Stadium security moved quickly to apprehend the fan and escorted him out of the dugout and off the field.

wg1xhvjrm1uboadcuj7y

I couldn’t find any video of the events, so here’s a squirrel doing squirrel things:

And in Little League World Series news, this happened:

drmelurd5ileayful5ip

Also, this happened:

Advertisements

Prince Fielder Might Be Done

hi-res-3c16c761146e707e802923235673565d_crop_exact

Prince Fielder underwent neck surgery on July 29 for the second time since 2014.  According to Ken Rosenthal, the 32-year-old slugger isn’t technically retiring.  Instead, Rosenthal reported, “He is medically disabled and doctors will not clear him to play.”

Screen Shot 2016-08-09 at 7.14.50 PM

That’s an important distinction in the semantic/contractual world.  It means Fielder will receive the $96 million remaining on his contract, which runs through 2020.  The Detroit Tigers are on the hook for $6 million per year.  The Rangers, meanwhile, have an insurance policy that will pay 50 percent of their $18 million annual commitment, per Evan Grant of the Dallas Morning News.

The real number that is staggering in the story of Prince Fielder is 319.  That’s the total number of homeruns in his 12 year career.  It’s also the EXACT same number his father, Cecil, hit in 13 MLB campaigns.  Read that again….both Cecil and Prince Fielder hit 319 homeruns a piece.  What!?!?!

To say that’s a numerical anomaly would be an incredible understatement of Seinfeldian dry sarcasm.  How does that happen?!?!?  The number 319 is the baseball cosmic equivalent of deja’ vu or kismet when it comes to the Fielder family.  If this is indeed Prince’s last hooray, what a weird stat-nerd way to go out.  Baseball is all about numbers and statistical analysis, and this one can’t be explained by any earthly science, it;s truly baseball gods at work.

We Should All Root For The Cubs

cubs-win-2-e1369798506721-560x378

If you follow baseball at all then you probably would agree with me when I say that the Chicago Cubs are basically Major League Baseball’s version of Mark Wahlberg………..(gasps of confusion)……let me explain.

A team (Wahlberg) that’s been around for a long time (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch) and are seemingly ageless, talented and always decently entertaining with a number of flare-ups of brilliant moments over the years (Boogie Nights, 1984 NL East Title, Three Kings, Kerry Wood striking out 20 batters, FearNL Central Titles in ’07 and ’08, The Fighter, Harry Caray) but as a franchise they’re surrounded by sub-par, meltdowns let-downs (Max Payne, Bartman) for any real fan.

The dark streak of mediocrity continues and counts the days since the last Cubs World Series championship (107 years).  The last Wahlberg flick worth the hour and half to two hours of screen-time was only slightly more recent, Lone Survivor.   Bottom line is that neither the Cubs nor the ever-entertaining former dance music singer Mark Wahlberg have sniffed a trophy in quite a long time.

Chicago Cubs = Mark Wahlberg

In such a way that most blue-blooded, 30-something guys secretly root for Mark Wahlberg’s next tough-guy role to be the one that makes it ok for us to publicly say, “Hey, that new Wahlberg flick looks awesome”; we should also be rooting for the Chicago Cubs to win the World Series in 2015.  Here are my reasons:

  1.  Back To The Future IIin addition to accurately predicting the weather and  inventing multiple things available to us all today 30 years later: facetime…projection screen-TVs…hoverboards…flying cars…handheld tablet computers with thumbprint technology…a baseball team in Miami…video conferencing…wall mounted TVs…google glass (sunglasses that do everything)…being addicted to technology…dehydrated food.  Back To The Future II also predicted that the Chicago Cubs would win the 2015 World Series, and here were are in October of 2015 and the Cubs actually are in the playoffs and have the opportunity (as much as any other wild card team ever) to make that come true.  Seriously, name me another movie that accurately predicted such a specific moment in time 30 years before it happened?  Go ahead, I’ll wait…………katt-uhh-no
  2. Can you imagine what the party would be like in Chicago IF the Cubs put an end to the 107 year gap between championships!?!?  It would be the greatest train-wreck of a celebration EVER.  The Chicago River and Lake Michigan would be permanently died brown from all the celebration puke and brown liquor that would flood the streets around the passed-out bodies of grown men clutching their Ernie Banks bobble-head dolls.  THAT image is well worth it.
  3. Does anyone out here really need to see the Yankees or whoever else win ANOTHER championship this season?  I mean, who cares….seriously.  Unless your a die-hard Angels fan (what’s wrong with you?) or Spankees fan, why bother rooting for anyone but the Cubs?  It’s so far beyond “their turn” to get a ring that it’s been the Yankees turn 27 times and even the Red Sox turn 7 times since the Cubs did it last.
  4. Harry Caray –   He’s the greatest in-game commentator EVER and the only reason to watch or listen to a Cubs game for that 15 year span in the 80’s and 90’s.  He was so good, Will Ferrell created one of the single greatest impressions you’ve ever seen.  You never knew what you gonna hear out of his mouth during a game:
    1. “Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else you need?”,
    2. “I’ve only been doing this for 54 years. With a little experience, I might get better.”
    3. “Not only do I like to go to bars because I like to drink, I do like to drink, but I go because who do you see there? Baseball fans.”  
  5. Back To The Future II – Did I mention that already:cubswinworldseries
  6. Fans in Wrigley catch foul balls in beer cups and chug the beer like a champ on the regular…..it’s happened twice now. Click Here and Here.
  7. Also…cause of this guy, he’s a Cubs fan:1455122266627543880
  8. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – The greatest “playing hookie” movie ever made, whether you are a successful Wall Street stockbroker or a high school student who wants to get out of gym class, Ferris Bueller’s day off perfectly encompasses our desire to be 12 years old and go to a day game at Wrigley field when you’re supposed to be doing something else.  That’s TWO CLASSIC movies voting for the Chicago Cubs. 

Wrigley Field is one of the few left-overs from a simpler time, a historical shadow of baseball that barely exists in any aspect of the sport now.  The franchise deserves our support this season, but more importantly BASEBALL needs this.  There’s a trading of the guard-transition happening in baseball right now from what once was (Derek Jeter, The Yankees, The Red Sox, Steroids, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa) and what now is.  It’s the end of an era for a lot of us.  No matter how you chop it up, the good, the bad and the ugly seem larger than life now in our national past-time, I think we need a little more old-school to bring us back to our roots.  And nothing says old-school like a 107 year curse.  Go Cubs.

 

Seriously Bro? You Have One Job To Do….ONE!

After an Alex Rios homerun last night, the Cleveland Indians “COO of Fireworks and Other Flammable Products” set off a bunch of sky-rockets celebrating the feet of strength.  There’s only one problem here, Alex Rios plays for the Kansas City Royals……NOT the home-town Cleveland Indians!

COME ON MAN!  You have one thing on your to-do list: Set off fireworks when an Indian player hits a homer.  COME ON MAN!!!

Rancho-Cucamonga-Home-Mortgage-First-Time-Home-Buyers-Randy-Charlton-Keller-Williams-Realty-Homer-Simpson-Doh

This is How Bad The Red Sox Season is Going

I mean in all seriousness, we wish all the best to John Farrell.  I’m sure the dumpster fire of a season for the Red Sox had nothing to do with him getting cancer:

**Originally posted by The Boston Globe**

Red Sox manager John Farrell reveals he has cancer

8/4/2015 - John Farrell announces his stage 1 lymphoma diagnosis to the media. (WBZ)

WBZ-TV

Red Sox manager John Farrell announced during Friday’s pregame press conference that he has lymphoma.

 

 

His usually commanding voice cracking with emotion, Red Sox manager John Farrell revealed Friday that he has been diagnosed with cancer and would step down for the remainder of the season.

The Stage 1 lymphoma was discovered Monday when the 53-year-old Farrell had surgery in Detroit to correct a hernia.

Treatment will begin immediately at Massachusetts General Hospital. Farrell described the cancer as being localized and highly curable.

“Thankfully, it was detected in the hernia surgery,” he said. “So I can honestly say I’m extremely fortunate it was found.”

Bench coach Torey Lovullo will manage the Red Sox over the final seven weeks of the season.

“It’s been a surreal four or five days,” said Farrell. “I never had one symptom before the notification of it.

“I take a step back and I’m extremely, extremely fortunate to be able to have caught this at this stage.”

Farrell had said Tuesday that he suffered the hernia while tossing his equipment bag following a game against the Yankees in New York on Aug. 6. Within four days, that led to the discovery of the cancer.

Farrell said a cancerous mass was removed at the time of the surgery. No additional surgery is needed, and he will begin at least nine weeks of chemotherapy next week.

Farrell said he had every intention of rejoining the team next season in time for spring training.

General manager Ben Cherington and Red Sox players David Ortiz and Dustin Pedroia were present when Farrell made his startling announcement.

“John is an incredible human being,” Ortiz said. “In our situation, you’ve got 25 men in the room, and he’s got to put up with each one of us, every situation.

“I think it’s time for us to give him back that support and that much love that he gives to all of us. We’re going to ride through this with him.”

Peter Abraham can be reached at pabraham@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @peteabe.

There Are GREAT Athletes Walking Among Us

Question:  Have you ever been playing a quick game of (insert backyard BBQ drunken game here) horseshoes, corn-hole, ping-pong or wiffle ball with someone who is (to put it simply), A GREAT ATHLETE hiding under an unimpressive 5’9″ skinny, scraggly frame?

The kind of guy that you look at and think, “I bet he’s a great barista” and then he destroys you in a game of ping-pong?  These guys walk among us like secret, pre-dad-beer-bellied, superheros.   Well, here’s an example of a Secret Great Athlete in the flesh:

Did you see that catch!?!?!  How about that hit too!?!?  That pitch was the nastiest rising screwball I’ve ever seen.  Thank you internet.

Firstly, this is a professional wiffle ball league?????  Where do I sign up for that!?!?

Secondly, I have now rabbit-holed into a never-ending youtube black hole of wiffle ball videos:

The Toronto Blue Jays Are Good

I’m not talking about the Joe Carter Blue Jays of 1993, when a single swing of the bat exploded every north-of-the-boarder fan causing a catastrophic mass-spill of Labatt Blue and gravy fries all over the country.

I’m talking about the 2015, post-trade deadline Blue Birds.  Since acquiring Troy Tulowitzki (sorry Rockies fans) they’ve gone 11-1 and are flat-out crushing the ball like a real life whack-a-mole.

Screen Shot 2015-08-11 at 9.57.20 AM

The Jays have won eight in a row and just handed the Yankees their first back-to-back shutouts since May 1999, ending the longest stretch between consecutive shutouts in major league history.  The Yankees went on to win the world series in ’99, but who cares, that’s not the point.

Before the Tulo trade, the Yankees were 8 games ahead of the Jays standing tall in first place in the American League East.  Now, since the Tulo-show arrived and David Price was acquired on July 30th, the Jays are only 1.5 games back from the Yanks.  David Price has won both of his starts since moving to the Great White North seemingly igniting this team’s pent-up baseball angst (no doubt because they have to live in Canada, although I hear Toronto is nice).

i

David Price has allowed one run in 15 innings in his two starts with the Jays.

The American League East is about to be overcome by a Canadian hit-squad, lead by a plethora of big bats: (Batting Average/On Base %/Slugging %)

  1.  Josh Donaldson – .297/.365/.578, 31 HR, 83 RBI, 82 R
  2. Jose Bautista – .240/.361/.512, 26 HR, 78 RBI, 73 R
  3. Troy Tulowitzki (12 games in Toronto) – .244/.358/.489, 3 HR, 6 RBI, 12 R
  4. Edwin Encarnacion – .251/.349/.476, 21 HR, 64 RBI, 59 R

**Sidenote: Edwin Encarnacion has gone .288/.396/.516 since the beginning of May.

Can the Blue Birds keep this pace going?  Or will it just be a big case of Blue Balls (see what I did there?) that will cripple Toronto, leaving them with only memories of what WAS and what could’ve been once more: