The NBA Woke Up Today With A SERIOUS Hangover

While most of us were swilling BUD HEAVY and eating grilled animal flesh of some sort over the holiday weekend, the NBA was all a flutter with player movement and drama that only a single and ready -to-mingle Kardashian could keep up with.

NBA teams shotgun-chugged multi-year contracts like a freshman pledge class at “Delta Tau Chi” during a toga party.  “Was it over when Durant announced he’s destroying OKC’s chances of ever winning a championship?  HELL NO…..and it ain’t over now.”     

Durant made the announcement official early Monday morning, the Golden State Warriors had just walked away with the prettiest girl at the NBA Free Agency’s version of The Enchantment Under The Sea Dance.   Kevin Durant did what most thought had very little chance of happening, leave OKC for greener pastures out west and thus crushing the Thunder’s hopes of EVER winning an NBA championship. With Durant gone, you can set your watch to the fact that Russell Westbrook is sure to follow somewhere new.

The possible landing spots for Westbrook are as endless as The Game Of Thrones non-talking scenes between C-level characters  (seriously, the show will go for 20+ years and we’ll never really know what’s going on).  Westbrook is a free agent after next season, ergo: (fancy words)….if OKC wants anything for him, they need to trade him as soon as possible, the barometer points towards Russell leaving at the end of next season anyway, thus leaving OKC high and dry like a pot-head drinking good chardonnay.

I HATE RIMS!

I HATE RIMS!

Possible landing spots for Westbrook:

  • Los Angeles Lakers:PG: Russell Westbrook SG: Jordan Clarkson SF: Luol Deng PF: Julius Randle C: Timofey Mozgov  —  I mean, Westbrook’s an LA guy but this team would AT BEST creep around the 5-6th playoff spot in the west right?  Brandon Ingram and D’Angelo (his nickname should be “Can You Hear Me Now?”) Russell off the bench?  Westbrook could average a triple-double, but the west is still as tough a conference as we’ve ever seen.  And if we’re talking about a trade, I seriously doubt OKC would pull the trigger just to basically make a conference competitor instantly BETTER?
  • Miami Heat:  Dwayne Wade wants out (**update: and now he’s gone), but I have a feeling Pat Riley will make the money right to keep him in South Beach.  Westbrook combined with D-Wade, Chris Bosh (healthy?), Hassan Whiteside and Goran Dragic would yield some wins in the eastern conference, could they be better than Cleveland?  One thing for sure, they’d be fun as hell to watch play, even D-Wade may have yet another rebirth.
  • Houston Rockets:  Two seasons ago the Rockets were in the Western Conference Finals!  Two seasons ago!!!  Now they’re a shell of a roster, PG: Patrick Beverly SG: James Harden SF: Trevor Ariza PF: Montrez Harrell C: Clint Capela………WOW.  With Dwight Howard gone, the locker room cancer has been diminished, but who the hell are the Rockets anymore?  Harden and Westbrook reunited!?!?  And it feeeeels so goooood.

Over the last week, NBA teams have spent more money on undeserving 3rd and 4th tier place-holders than CBS does in their “Comedy Line-up”. 

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These most obvious boner moves of the off-season will make you quit your job, stand out in front of the closest NBA front office and demand a try-out immediately.

  • Ryan Anderson 4 years $80 million with the Houston Rockets.  $20 million a year for a bench/role player/occasional starter who averages 13.6 ppg and 5.4 rpg for his career.
  • Harrison Barnes 4 years $94 million with the Dallas Mavericks.  We all knew Barnes would get a decent deal and have to leave Golden State, but did you see him in the playoffs this season? Is that worth $23.5 million a year for a 4th option scorer that disappears in the playoffs?
  • Nicolas Batum (I’m gonna soil myself) 5 years $120 million to STAY in Charlotte with the Hornets!  $24 million per year for 5 years on a guy who will NEVER be an all-star?  Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 5.50.30 PM
  • Bradley Beal 5 years $130 million to stay in Washington with the Wizards.  I mean, sure……Beal is a decent scorer and a good shooter.  He’s a legit starting 2-guard in the NBA.  Probably not an all-star any time soon, and probably won’t play more than 3/4 of the season?  He’s missed 81 regular season games in his career due to injuries, that’s almost 25% for you math-a-letes out there.
  • Mike Conley 5 years $153 million to stay in Memphis with the Grizzlies.  Mike Conley may be the most underrated PG in the league, but NOT ANYMORE.  I’d say he’s about $153 million – rated now!  WOW.
  • Mathew Dellavedova 4 years $38 million with the Milwaukee Bucks.  “Milwaukee: The Better Cleveland?”
  • Evan Fournier 5 years $85 million to stay in Orlando.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  At this point you may be asking yourself, “who the hell is Evan Fournier?”.  My answer to you would be, “EXACTLY.” 
    THIS fuckin guy? $85 million?

    THIS fuckin guy? $85 million?

     

  • Timofey Mozgof 4 years $64 million with the Los Angeles Lakers.  I’m getting close to stopping, I just can’t go on anymore.  My eyes are starting to cross and I’m about to lose control of the voices in my head.
  • Chandler Parsons 4 years $98 million with the Memphis Grizzlies.  OK, I can’t do it anymore.  I’m done, seriously, I’m done.    Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 6.07.29 PM
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I’ll give him $98 million to NEVER do this again.

I hope the NBA is feeling better today, pop some Advil, drink some Pedilyte and scarf down a breakfast burrito cause there’s NBA summer league to watch.  I’ll be hungover for the next 4 months trying to forget about these ridiculous contracts and overpaid role players.  But I regret nothing………..oh, and congrats to the city of Cleveland.  You guys aren’t worse than Milwaukee anymore.

 

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ESPN Should Suspend Cari Champion Immediately From All Further NBA Discussions

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In her defense, up until recently she was sitting desk-side at the “Two Morons At A Desk” show in the early mornings starring Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless which HAD to have an insurmountable affect on not only her psyche but her common sense.  I mean, you sit in close proximity to that kind of bat-shit crazy on a daily basis for several hours, it’s bound to rub off on you in some way shape or form…..kinda like the flu…..or the bubonic plague.

Apparently more of that Mountain Dew-Extreme, donut shop baker-sports opinion rubbed off on her than anyone realized, as she decided to take that dumpster-fire of a shock-jock-opinion based logic to NBA tonight on ESPN.  Pay attention to what this insane person says at the .33 second mark and watch Chris Broussard almost loose his collective NBA-analyst shit:

Go sit down somewhere Cari Champion, just go take five minutes and collect your thoughts.  Much like Dion Waiters, you’re tryin’ to do a little too much.

And while I’m at it, David Lloyd can go take a seat as well since he put Draymond Green and Russell Westbrook above Kevin Durant on this ridiculous list of stupidity.

WHY DO I HAVE TO GET ANGRY ABOUT THIS STUFF MANNNNNNN!?!?!?!

I heard Zoolander 2 really sucked

I heard Zoolander 2 really sucked

Russell Westbrook Dunks Harder Than Most

Russell Westbrook attacks the rim with NONE f&@ks given.  No one on this planet gets to the rim with less interest for other people’s well-being than Russell Westbrook.  If you get in his way, you will become a floor burned carcass with a basketball jersey….and you’ll probably be on fire too.

Last night the Denver Nuggets got the blunt end of that particular spoon of dirty-sauce from Westbrook:

Make no mistake, the Nuggets are a bad basketball team, but somehow they sparked enough energy and managed to keep this game close, losing 110-104.  But honestly who really cares when Westbrook is dunking harder than a professional donuts-to-coffee-boyancey tester.  That’s what the fans wanna see, proved by the fact that the home-team Nuggets fans were cheering for Westbrook after each monstrous dunk.


***sidenote:  Oh, and Westbrook apparently hates the Nuggets’ mascot, Rocky, making us love his game even more.  COLD-BLOOOOOOOOODED:

Stephen A Smith Says Stuff

ESPN’s lead donut baker watchdog “journalist”, Stephen A. Smith attempted to drop some privileged knowledge on the sports world last week when he said that sources told him that the Los Angeles Lakers were the front-runner franchise that Kevin Durant would be interested in signing with when his 2016 OKC Thunder firesale free agency starts.

On ESPN’s “First Take” Tuesday morning, Stephen A. Smith said that sources have told him [Kevin] Durant’s preferred landing spot is the Los Angeles Lakers if he does not re-sign with the [Oklahoma City] Thunder next summer.

“Regardless of how senseless it may (sound), in one breath I’m hearing that if Kevin Durant doesn’t stay in Oklahoma City, L.A. is his primary objective and landing spot as opposed to South Beach or even his home of Washington, D.C.,” Smith said.

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BUT, of course while Mr. Smith was mouth-word-vomiting his normal half-truths and “opinions” (as instructed by producers), Kevin Durant was listening and watching as Stephen A’s pants lit on fire spontaneously (cause he was a liar….get it?).

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The “Liar, Liar” technique employed by Kevin Durant only fueled the dumpster fire of information that burns deep within Stephen A’s loins:

Regarding @KDTrey5 and his negative comments about me, let me say this: At NO time did I ever say I SPOKE to K.D. Or his family. Or his brother, friends, teammates, etc. (although I can assure you all I have on several occasions in the past). I said I HEARD from folks I know — in a league I’ve been covering for 19 years — that if he were to leave OKC as a free agent, these are the cities I was told he was considering. OKC. LA. Miami. DC. NY. I stand by it all. And that is that.

His assertion that I was lying is not only FALSE, but totally uncalled for. Especially from a player who receives nothing but praise not only from me, but from practically every media member you can find. Yet, for some reason, we’re all the same folks who don’t know *&%$ about the game of basketball. Whose thoughts he could give a &^%$ about. Essentially, individuals he wishes he’d never have to talk to…..that he’s being forced to tolerate…..as if someone has done something to him…..OF ALL PEOPLE!

Don’t know what has happened to Mr. Durant over the years. But I know this much: We all win with his return, because he is an absolute superstar. The NBA is better with him. We’re all at a loss without him.

It just appears that @KDTrey5 needs to learn something about today’s world in professional sports:

We don’t have to talk TO HIM to talk ABOUT HIM!

Folks like ME will still be here. Watching! Listening! Waiting! Reporting!

Whether he likes it or not. While he’s here and long after he’s gone.

Time to get use to it.

So while Kevin Durant gets “use to it” (used to it?), Stephen A Smith kept doing what he does best, talk to a camera with dad-disappointed-face like everyone watching is a 5 year old kid who broke a neighbor’s window:

I’m sure Stephen A. Smith thinks he sounds like a strong, bad-ass, unbreakable journalist fighting the good fight for journalists’ integrity everywhere.  But in reality, he just sounds like an old man who’s angry about his cold soup.

Let’s just all be glad that Smith’s good buddy, Skip (away from me please) Bayless had his back saying, “Your track record as a reporter doesn’t just speak for itself…..It screams for itself.” 

Thanks for reiterating how ridiculously BAD you both are at being unbiased and in general acting like normal, real human beings…much less fans of the sports you “cover”.  All your words are annoying, ALL the time. You both have become caricatures of yourselves and so has “First Take” as a TV show.

Who’s jumping ship on the Thunder’s chances?

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ESPN ranked the top point guards in the NBA a few weeks ago, with a sub-category of an MVP discussion, which spawned a lengthy rant-and-rave among the best basketball minds (sitting in my 10 foot radius) of our time about Russell Westbrook’s worth to OKC and weather or not the door is closing on the Thunder’s possibility of a championship.

First, let me preface this entire mouth-word-vomit by saying I’ve completely bought in to the “Russell Westbrook Experience” in Oklahoma City.  Like the ugly broken horse on a carousel that never ends, I’ve come full circle on Russ.  Three years ago, you couldn’t TELL me anything about Westbrook’s game that I didn’t have a negative rebuttal for:

  • “He’s the most athletic guard in the league”His shot selection is ridiculous and borderline criminal.
  • “He’s got that killer instinct and will win you games” – He’s more out of control than a drunken cheetah chasing a herd of gazelles, and he constantly let’s his emotions get the best of him.
  • “No one in the league can guard him” – If I see him look-off Durant and shoot an ill-advised pull-up 18 footer one more time……….

The point is, in the last 3-4 years Westbrook has finally figured out how to play WITH Durant and still be able to dominate the game WITHOUT necessarily dominating the ball.  Because of this learning curve that Westbrook has finally mastered, the Durant/Westbrook combo is the most unguardable 2-man game in the entire NBA (as Warrior fans scream Splash Brothers?). I’m not saying Westbrook is perfect by any means, but he’s a Walter White to Heisenberg character transition compared to what he was 5 seasons ago.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL: FEB 02 Arizona v UCLA

Ladies and Gentleman, your 2016 Los Angeles Lakers?

But how could Westbrook’s emergence as a 2015 NBA MVP candidate (yet OKC isn’t in the playoffs) mean that OKC’s window is closing on a possible championship?  I’m posing the question, NOT attempting to answer it yet, so let’s examine………shall we?

  • The most glaring problem with OKC is that they can’t seem to ever stay completely healthy all at the same time.  Doesn’t it SEEM like the dynamic duo of Durant and Westbrook haven’t played an entire season with each other without injuries in a couple years?  It’s actually been since 2012-13 that they both played over 75 games together.  In fact they’ve only played over 90% of a full season together 4 times in their 7 year existence together.  Having said that, they HAVE been healthy together in the playoffs 4 out of the last 5 appearances.
  • Westbrook REALLY, REALLY wants to be the one and only top dog on a contending team.  Whether or not he’ll ever admit it (he won’t), I think it’s obvious he wants to be THE go-to-guy all the time no matter what, similar to James Harden, who left town in 2012-13.  The proof is in the pudding this season especially, without Durant this year he put on a show of triple-doubles, racking up 11 total for the season with a streak of 4 strait games of triple doubles that even Ice Cube would admit was amazing.  It felt like a giant Pedro Cerrano-type EFF YOU from Westbrook to the whole league, “EFF YOU JOBU, I’ll do it myself!”

  • The Thunder’s depth and bench play are a problem for them to contend with the likes of the Western Conference.  In Bench Efficiency, OKC ranks 12th overall in the league, BUT they’re behind the Spurs, Lakers, Warriors, Mavs, Grizzlies and Trailblazers; all teams they’ll be fighting with on a daily basis.
  •   The Thunder have a handful of young, but yet-to-figure-it-out role players that show very good upsides:  Enes Kanter, Steven Adams, Mitch McGary, Anthony Morrow, Perry Jones and Jeremy Lamb.  BUT, the first three names are all basically the same player at basically the same efficiency level (6’10”-7’0″ guys who are super RAW).  As are the last three names (6’5″-6’9″ guys who are super RAW), at the moment they are small-time contributors that are ultimately just weighing OKC down in the short term until they actually develop.  Dion Waters is the only somewhat consistent offensive player, but he doesn’t want anything to do with playing defense and is prone to jacking up terrible shots after dribbling the shot clock down below 5 seconds.  The Thunder are about 10 minutes away from tearing the club up, but it feels like a midget is hangin from their necklace.  It’s hard to dance with a midget hangin from your neck, even if it is 24-K Gold.

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The 2015 NBA Playoffs have opened in exciting fashion, well at least the Western Conference games have been exciting……not sure what I’m watching in that other conference.  Seriously, the Boston vs. Cleveland, Chicago vs. Milwaukee and Atlanta vs. Brooklyn series are the pre-party before the dinner party before the real party, while Toronto vs. Washington is a complete snooze-fest with less scoring than a quadriplegic ice hockey game.

But the one key ingredient missing this playoff season is the OKC Thunder’s presence, maybe we’ve just been spoiled getting to see them be a thorn in the side of the perennial Western Conference top guns for the last 5 seasons while Westbrook and Durant become more and more unguardable.  But Durant and Westbrook aren’t the only one’s who are pissed off about their absence from the playoffs, I’m stuck here watching the Uni-brow try and one-man-show his Pelicans towards an underdog “here’s a ribbon for participation” award  against Steph “MVP” Curry’s Warriors.  It’s fun, but going nowhere.

1385950973000-12-01-2013-Anthony-Davis1 OKC is looking at a possible overhaul in the off-season to try and make Durant and Westbrook happy, and I can’t wait to see what happens.  I think we all wanna see another Thunder vs. Lebron’s Current Team NBA championship again.

 

 

Russell Westbrook is Batman

OKC’s enigmatic, masked-vigilante, Point Guard, Russell Westbrook recorded his 5th triple-double in 6 games last night as the Thunder held off the pesky Great White North Dinosaurs (Toronto Raptors) 108-104.

With Kevin Durant out due to injury, OKC has completely handed the keys to the Ferrari over to Westbrook and he’s Ferris Bueller-ed his way to 100 mph EVERY SINGLE NIGHT since the All-Star break.

ferris-buellers-day-off-trio-ferrariSTAT O’ THE DAY:

Westbrook is averaging 34.3 points, 10.2 rebounds and 11.4 assists since the All-Star break.

Raptors’ All-Star DeMar DeRozan on Westbrook: “If you can find somebody who has slowed him down, let me know. But it’s definitely tough. You’ve got to give him credit.”

Westbrook is leading the league in scoring at 27.4 ppg, fourth in assists at 8.3 apg. and second in PER (player efficiency rating) at 30.15 trailing only Anthony Davis (31.34).

Westbrook is filling up stat sheets with more ink than an octopus at a pen convention.  BOOM!

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