The NBA = Fantasy Basketball

It all started on draft day, when the Chicago Bulls traded Jimmy Butler to the Great White North for a shovel, a bag of lime and a garbage bag.  Since then, all hell has broken loose around the NBA.  After that trade there was an obvious backlash from fans in Chicago upon receiving: Kris Dunn, Zach LaVine, and moving up 9 spots in the draft to select Lauri Markkanen.   Yikes.

In the aftermath, the NBA has gone all “Charlie’s Angels – Full Throttle” towards becoming the real life fantasy basketball league that we all wanted but never knew we needed.

Chris Paul opted-out of the Clippers road-side garbage-fire and took his State Farm Insurance branch to Houston.  In return, the Rockets will be sending the Clippers: Patrick Beverley, forward Sam Dekker, forward Montrezl Harrell, guard Darrun Hilliard, guard DeAndre Liggins, guard Lou Williams, forward Kyle Wiltjer, a future first-round pick, and cash considerations.  Although there are mis-leading reports about some of those fictitious players staying in Houston, still waiting for a full report on the details.

If LA was determined to grow their bench while simultaneously downgrading their PG situation, thus leading to a Blake Griffin departure…then they seem to have exceeded expectations.  Also, THIS.

Phil Jackson got his crazy ass fired from his zombie Knicks job.  The self-proclaimed “Zen Master” has Zenned himself right out a job with the storied franchise while 99% of Knicks fans all sigh together in complete exhaustion.   Seriously what’s been worse overall:  1) Being a Knicks fan during Phil Jackson’s time in office. 2)  Being a 76ers fan and being forced to “Trust The Process” ever since Iverson left.  3) Being a Kings fan…in general this must be a self-mutilating disease of an existence.

Jackson managed to make a bad franchise even worse over the last 3 years, causing everybody’s rich douchey uncle (James Dolan) to eat the $25 million he still owes Phil just to get him out of Madison Square Garden.  Jackson’s tenure will be highlighted by:

(a) His ability to sign Melo to a ridiculous extension at age 30 (Carmelo Anthony signed a 5 year / $124,064,681 contract with the New York Knicks, including $124,064,681 guaranteed, and an annual average salary of $24,812,936. In 2017-18, Anthony will be 36 years old and earn a base salary of $26,243,760).  

(b) Signing Joakim Noah after the Bulls broke his back in half (Joakim Noah signed a 4 year / $72,590,000 contract with the New York Knicks, including $72,590,000 guaranteed, and an annual average salary of $18,147,500. In 2017-18, Noah will earn a base salary of $17,765,000), he’s played in 75 out of a possible 164 games in the past 2 years.

(c) Accidentally drafting a future star in Kristaps Porzingis, and then alienating him and pissing him off so much that the 21 year old skipped his exit interview with the Knicks at the end of the 2016-17 season.

(d) Attempting to continue the tradition of his “Triangle Offense” in the NBA, forcing it upon ill-equipped players and coaches who don’t understand it.  The triangle offense worked perfectly when Phil had players like Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal.  But asking Carmelo Anthony, Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah to do the same is like asking George Costanza to explain Marine Biology.

Scottie!  Scottie!  Get the ball to Michael and get the hell outta the way!

Lastly, today we met the Sacramento Kings newest soon to be traded asset:  Serbian guard Bogdan Bogdanovic!  With the 27th pick in the 2014 NBA Draft, the Phoenix Suns selected Bogdan Bogdanovic (not to be confused with Wizards forward Bojan Bogdanovic or famed Serbian architect Bogdan Bogdanovic). Three years later, Bogdanovic is finally coming to play in the NBA, reportedly agreeing a three-year, $36 million dollar deal with the Sacramento Kings. That’s the highest amount a rookie has ever made in the NBA, and a huge chunk of change to pay for a dude who has yet to play at the highest level. So who is this guy?

I can’t wait to see what happens next with Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan, Paul George, Gordon Hayward and of course, Lebron James’ Cavs.  On the highway of life that is the NBA, we’re all just broken down jilopies on the shoulder watching the Warriors fly by in a Ferrari.

 

20 Minutes of NOT Wasted Time

I’ve gone…..and done it again.  I fell down the rabbit hole of vintage 80s and 90s NBA highlights.

For anyone who is under 30, just shutup and watch these videos.  You need the education.

Let’s start it off with the best NBA Dunk Contests of All-Time:

A few notes: 1) Yes, Dr. J hit his head on the backboard in that first dunk.  2) The flat-top, gold-chain wearing, windmill machine from the Knicks is Kenny “Sky” Walker….and he was old school before old school was old school. 3) Cedric Ceballos could see through the blind-fold. 4) Brent Barry won a dunk contest without ever removing his warm-up jacket. 5) Stevie “Franchise” Francis sighting!  6) Jason Richardson’s bounce was DIRRRRRTTTTY. 7) Tracy McGrady would’ve won a dunk contest if his cousin, Vince Carter, wasn’t an alien from Planet Bouncey-Bounce. 8) Nate Robinson is so little!  9) Javale McGee was IN A DUNK CONTEST…and dunked on 2 hoops?!?!? 10) Vince Carter was ridiculous, and single-handedly made the wackest AND-1 shoes cool for like 5 minutes.

Shaq in high school is worth watching:

Vince Carter in high school is ALSO worth watching:

Oh, Lebron James was in a dunk contest in 2003:

And speaking of dunks, here’s MJ:

And just for fun, here’s some more MJ:

Remember “The Answer”?  Allen Iverson was UNGUARDABLE:

How about some Lakers love you say?  OK, Magic Johnson and the showtime Lakers:

How about a little more Shaq:

Julius Erving…AKA: the first Michael Jordan:

and last but least, The “Human Highlight Reel”, Dominique Wilkins:

Enjoy, more to come next time I’m feeling nostalgic……..

Scottie Pippen and Shaq keep proving they’re retired

Since it’s a slow time during the sports calender, twitter has become the most interesting outlet for wasting a good amount of time during the work day.

Matt Barnes wants to fight Serge Ibaka:

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Stephen A. Smith can’t keep his mouth shut:

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And Scottie Pippen and Shaq are arguing, and arguing, and arguing:

Shaq started the fight by saying he’d take the LA Lakers all-time starting five over the Chicago Bulls all-time starting five any day of the week.  In fact, he said the Lakers would beat the Bulls by 50.

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Simple math:  5 HOFers (LA) beats 3 HOFers (Bulls).

Even though Shaq is obviously correct (not sure about the 5o point win though), Scottie felt the need to stand up for his squad:

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Sorry @shaq but I don’t get caught up in hypotheticals. All I know is we won 6 titles, twice the amount you claimed while in LA…

Shaq bounced back:

Sorry @scottiepippen I don't believe in hypotheticals either, but I seen most of those final you did ok , but this guy did most the work . #youwereok steve kerr and Ron harper deserve more credit than you , remember I WAS BATMAN YOU WAS ROBIN , I was PUFFY YOU WAS MASE...

Sorry @scottiepippen I don’t believe in hypotheticals either, but I seen most of those final you did ok , but this guy did most the work .
#youwereok steve kerr and Ron harper deserve more credit than you , remember I WAS BATMAN YOU WAS ROBIN , I was PUFFY YOU WAS MASE…

***sidenote: nice jean-shorts (jorts) Scottie***

Shaq KEPT on going:

Anybody need a T MOBILE SIDEKICK. I GOTTa PRETTY GOOD ONE #BESTSIDEKICKEVER

Anybody need a T MOBILE SIDEKICK. I GOTTa PRETTY GOOD ONE #BESTSIDEKICKEVER

Go oust and get them sidekick edition Scottie pippen a exclusively on he's a bum.com

Go oust and get them sidekick edition Scottie pippen a exclusively on he’s a bum.com

@SCOTTINA PIPPEN

@SCOTTINA PIPPEN

Scottie snapped back at Shaq like a rubber-band bouncey ball:

Speaking of being a sidekick... if I recall correctly you know a thing or two about that as well. @shaq

Speaking of being a sidekick… if I recall correctly you know a thing or two about that as well. @shaq

Shaq is RELENTLESS (and bored):

@scottiepippen yes THE GREAT MICHAEL JORDAN GOT YOU SIX RINGS , but you will always be remembered as MR 2nd FIDDLE. SECOND BEHIND HIM AND SECOND BEHIND ME. GAME AINT OVER TIL I SAY SO. stay in yo place. 6 time nba CHUMPION

@scottiepippen yes THE GREAT MICHAEL JORDAN GOT YOU SIX RINGS , but you will always be remembered as MR 2nd FIDDLE. SECOND BEHIND HIM AND SECOND BEHIND ME. GAME AINT OVER TIL I SAY SO. stay in yo place. 6 time nba CHUMPION

Then Scottie dropped the mic (at least for today):

Game over, @shaq. All that's ever mattered to me is winning and we did plenty of that in Chicago...

Game over, @shaq. All that’s ever mattered to me is winning and we did plenty of that in Chicago…

I love when grown-up, former athletes take to twitter and prove how good the retired life is.

As If You Need a Reminder (the greatest waste of 20 minutes for the weekend)

NBA fans who had the privilege of seeing Michael Jordan play in real life, in REAL form, would all agree with me that he and his game will always be sorely missed.

If you are under the age of 30 and/or didn’t have an older sibling, or parental figure to educate you about the man’s legacy, then stop reading this right now and go youtube, or google, or Lougle, or whatever the hell you kids are doing to waste time these days…….search “Michael Jordan Greatest Moments”.  

***Sidenote:  I will not argue with you or anyone that looks like you; the greatness of MJ as compared to any player that came AFTER him until Lebron gets 6 rings.  THEN and ONLY THEN, I will entertain the LBJ vs. MJ argument.  Until that time, don’t bother me with that BS.  Go sniff some glue and do some molly, the DJ is playing your favorite terrible mash-up.    

Anyway, there’s no reason for this posting tonight, other than the fact that basketball season is over, football hasn’t started and baseball before the all-star break is just plain boring.

So with that intro, I give you the two most random yet amazingly great MJ highlights that you probably never saw.

Tiger Woods can thank MJ for giving him the post-win celebration: single-fist-pump-and-stare idea that classed up a game-winner forever.

Also, this is the weirdest and most 80’s MJ video ever conceived by a human:

Is Lebron James’ Legacy Tainted?

When compared to the greats in the game, splitting hairs between championship appearances, championship wins, lifetime stats, personal achievements and hairline receding all come into play.

Lebron is already on the short list for best of all-time, and he may be just now reaching his peak as a player.  But if he keeps losing championships, does that hurt his legacy?

Let’s say Lebron goes to 10 NBA championships in his career (very possible), if he only comes away with 3-4 wins, does that hurt him in the conversation of best ever?

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Current NBA Players List

MJ went 6 for 6 in the NBA Championship department.  He also went 6 for 6 in NBA Finals MVP awards in the process, while never losing a game 6 or a game 7 in the Finals.  Does this change how we think of Lebron?

Jordan’s Rookie Nike Shoes Sold for $71,553 at Auction

Speaking as a recovering sneakerhead (I’m on step 9, the “apology level”)  even I can’t imagine spending almost 72 Geeeeeez on a damn pair of shoes.  Although…….they are signed and dated by MJ too.

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The average cost of a pair of Jordans in 2014 was estimated at $194 (ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?  Yes I am), so just to be clear; the new owner of these Rookie Jordans could have bought roughly 368 pairs of BRAND NEW J’s and still take us out for pizza at Sbarro in the Mall Food Court.