Ranking The Remaining Playoff QBs

We’ve reached the NFL’s Final Four (all rights reserved by the NCAA), only the toughest, meanest and most photogenic teams are left.  Well, except for the Steelers, they re-define “ugly football”.

This weekend the REAL playoffs begin, let’s be honest no one out there really believed in Houston, Las Vegas (Oakland), Kansas City the ghost of Seattle and/or the Jerry Jones disciples in Dallas.  The cream of the crop and the superstars always show-out in the playoffs, I’m talking about players and coaches combined.  The Pats are a pillar of consistency for the AFC championship game, the Tim Allen of the NFL, if you will permit me to obscurely reference (doesn’t it seem like he’s ALWAYS working??).  New England is in their 6th straight AFC championship game; death, taxes and Patriots in the AFC Championship game are the only absolutes in this life.  Good luck to you Steeler fans, don’t forget your live-streaming devices.

Divisional Playoffs - Baltimore Ravens v New England Patriots

In the NFC, we’ve got two incredibly hot (so hot right now) teams in what will be the Mad Max of an NFC Championship game.  Absolute chaos lead by pass-crazy, do everything yourself, not following any of society’s rules, Quarterbacks both vying for the sweat cream of a trip to the Superbowl.   Aaron Rodgers has been borderline videogame satus, throwing darts and strikes like he was Michael van Gerwen or Ravichandran Ashwin.  Extra points if you can tell me who either of those guys are, without clicking the links.

With the remaining gunslingers left in the NFL-Koi pond, the question naturally arises:  Who’s the best QB left in the playoffs, RIGHT NOW?

Obviously, these four passers are among the league leaders in just about every category.  One of Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers or Matt Ryan is likely to win the AP’s MVP award this season, while Ben Roethlisberger isn’t far off from their 2016 standard.  Roethlisberger comes in as the 10th-best passer in the league by opponent-adjusted Total QBR, while Ryan, Brady and Rodgers each rank in the top four. The only top-four passer missing is Dak Prescott, who’s soul was imploded by Rodgers on Sunday.

So who ya got?  RIGHT NOW, leading your team the rest of the way?

Tom Brady:

tombrady

He’s Tom Brady.  12-time Pro Bowler, 4-time Superbowl Champ, 2-time Superbowl MVP.  And just to re-iterate the point, he’s TOM BRADY.   Over the last 5 games (Houston, Miami, New York Jets, Denver and Baltimore) Mr. Bundchen has gone 101 out of 168 for 1,371 yds and 11 TDs.  He’s had a QBR of 74.96 and the golden locks of an angel high on heavenly opiates.  He’s gone 5-0 against 3 of the NFL’s top 10 defenses to round out his yellow-brick road travels to the AFC Championship game.

Ben Roethlisberger:

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Big Ben, the 5-time Pro Bowler and 2-time Superbowl champ has been his normal, scrambly, impossible to freaking tackle, water-buffalo with a rocket for an arm-self in 2016.  When Ben is healthy, he’s a Top 5 QB in the league.  He’s gone 5-0 to lead his Steel-curtain boys through the end of the regular season and make this AFC Championship run, beating Buffalo, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Miami and Kansas City.  Over the last 5 games, Big Ben has gone 95 out of 149 for 1,206 yds and 6 TDs.  His QBR is only at 58.9, but it goes along with 2 broken ankles, 3 lacerated pelvises, 6 cracked vertebrae and a scorching case of herpes.  Big Ben is an animal, the guy only needs one leg and a half an arm to make a back-shoulder throw to Antonio Brown for a 70-yard touchdown.

Matt Ryan:

mattryan

Matt Ryan has been on a tear this season, posting career highs in basically every offensive category and making a very strong push for MVP of the league, not to mention being just a really, really nice guy.  I mean look at him , doesn’t he seem like the kind of guy that’d hold the door open for an old lady, or stop traffic for a family of ducks?  In his last 5 games, his overall QBR has been a staggering 86.68, which leads the remaining playoff QBs.  He’s thrown for 14 TDs (tied with Rodgers) and 1,469 yds in the last 5 games, taking the Falcons through LA, SF, Carolina, New Orleans and Seattle to finish the regular season strong and procure a spot in the NFC Championship.  If it wasn’t for Aaron Rodgers’ late game heroics and badly-acted but somehow still funny every time-State Farm commercials, EVERYONE would be talking about Matt Ryan’s MVP season in 2016.

Aaron Rodgers:

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Discount Double-Check has been damn near perfect over the last 5 games.  He’s raised his normal greatness to another level of ludicrous-greatness (we can’t stop, it’s too dangerous), and if he leads his injury-ridden Packers squad to the Superbowl then he’s solidified himself as the 2016 MVP and the biggest late-season hero in green since the Grinch gave the Whos from Whoville their presents back.  I’m not sure if it’s the luck of the Irish or if Aaron Rodgers has a deal with the devil, but he’s been on fire and seems unstoppable the rest of the way.   I’m not gonna give you any stats, cause Mr. Rodgers doesn’t need numbers to win games……nerd.

 

Football Fan Fights Of 2016

As the year ends and we all reflect upon the ups, the downs, the itches, the scratches, the zigs and the zags, and the many, many drunken decisions we may have botched during past 365 days, one fact remains true EVERY single year; drunk football fans love to throw bows and knuckle up when they feel they’re shitty team has been disrespected.

With the help of the world wide interwebs, I’ve collected a few of the highlighted fan-fights from the past year.  Enjoy.

JAGS vs. BEARS (combined 6-24 records)

DOLPHINS vs 49ERS (Niners fans are so cute)

CHIEFS vs RAIDERS (sons even a mother couldn’t love)

MIAMI vs WEST VIRGINIA (College’s equivalent of RAIDERS vs CHIEFS)

sidenote: so many good things in this video, the WVU fan had a prosthetic leg……and the Miami fan gave him the “club punch”, punch and run!  Do you see the irony?

CARDINALS vs 49ers (seeing a theme here with SF fans?)

GIANTS vs EAGLES (Giants fan gets knocked out in front of his GF)

RAIDERS vs RAIDERS (is there anything MORE Raiders than this?)

 

 

 

NFL Week 16: WTF Just Happened?

The NFL regular season is all but finished, with only the Wild Card spots left to be determined……..well, also seeding, general rankings, home field advantage and if Mike Tomlin will whoop Terrry Bradhsaw’s country-ass when he sees him this summer.  

The biggest news from the weekend:

  •  Buffalo said goodbye to the Rex Ryan Experiment, ending a reign of mediocre football sauteed in a Ryan Brothers whiskey sauce that even Patrick Hammer would be proud of.  (Now that’s what you call a sub-reference)
Rob & Rex Ryan at Easter

Rob & Rex Ryan at Easter

  • The Oakland Raiders woke up from the best dream any of them have had in 14 years, when Derek Carr broke in half.  There goes any Super Bowl hopes and dreams for 2016-17, Matt Mcgloin is NOT the guy, sorry to say.

 

  • The Playoff C.F. is C.F.-ed A.F. (so many teenager-abbreviations):

AFC

1. New England Patriots (13-2). The New York Jets weren’t even a speed bump on the Patriots’ road to the AFC playoffs. If they win or if the Raiders lose in Week 17, the Patriots will secure the No. 1 seed in the AFC field. The worst they can do is end up at No. 2.

2. Oakland Raiders (12-3). Oakland clinched its spot in Week 15. If the Raiders win at Denver or the Chiefs lose at San Diego in Week 17, the Raiders will be AFC West champions. Of course, the bigger issue right now for Oakland is that it is going to have to play its postseason games with Matt McGloin or Connor Cook at quarterback.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5). A brilliant Ben Roethlisberger comeback against the Ravens on Sunday night clinched the Steelers’ second division title in three years and eliminated Baltimore. Pittsburgh will host a playoff game on Jan. 7 or 8.

4. Houston Texans (9-6). When Cincinnati place-kicker Randy Bullock‘s attempt for a winning field goal sailed wide right on Saturday night, it made Houston champion of the AFC South for the second year in a row. The Texans’ Week 17 game in Nashville now has no relevance.

5. Kansas City Chiefs (11-4). The Chiefs can still claim the AFC West, but they need to beat San Diego in Week 17 and hope the Raiders lose in Denver.

6. Miami Dolphins (10-5). After a 1-4 start, the Dolphins have won nine of their past 10 games. And Miami clinched a playoff spot with Denver’s loss to Kansas City on Sunday night.

Surging: Miami’s regular-season finale on Sunday is at home against the Patriots. That meeting offers the Dolphins a chance to show themselves — and the Patriots — that they can play with New England. In Week 2 at Foxborough — before Miami’s offensive line came together and Jay Ajayi emerged — Jimmy Garoppolo, Jacoby Brissett and the Patriots built a 31-3 lead on the Dolphins and held on to win 31-24.

Slipping: Houston’s AFC South rivals had rough outings on Sunday. The Tennessee Titans lost their quarterback, lost a game to the 3-12 Jacksonville Jaguars and lost a potential playoff spot. The Indianapolis Colts were defeated in Oakland and eliminated from postseason contention even before Houston played. The Texans took care of their own business in an ugly game on Saturday night, but they already had received some help in the form of disappointing performances from the two teams behind them.

Worth noting: The Steelers are a perennial playoff team, but it hasn’t been easy. This is only the second time they’ve won their division since 2010. Their 2014 team was a division champion as well.

NFC

1. Dallas Cowboys (13-2). Dallas has everything wrapped up that can be wrapped up — a division title, a bye and home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs. When the Cowboys get back from Philadelphia on Sunday night, they won’t have to leave Texas again all season. (Super Bowl LI is in Houston.) The only question for the Cowboys is what to do about resting and/or protecting their players or keeping them fresh for January games.

2. Atlanta Falcons (10-5). With their win and the Buccaneers’ loss, the Falcons have clinched the NFC South. And thanks to Seattle’s loss, Atlanta has a chance to clinch the No. 2 seed in the conference and a first-round bye with a Week 17 home victory over the Saints.

3. Seattle Seahawks (9-5-1). They came all the way back and somehow still lost a home game to the Arizona Cardinals because of a missed extra point. Seattle is the NFC West champion, but it might have cost itself a chance at a first-round bye. As of now, the Seahawks would have to play three games (with at least one on the road) just to reach the Super Bowl.

4. Green Bay Packers (9-6). Green Bay is technically the NFC North leader at the moment. The Packers are tied with the Lions for first place but beat them head-to-head. The teams face off again in Week 17 at Detroit, and the winner will be division champ. The loser can still get in but would need help. Specifically, if the Packers lose, they would still be a wild-card team if Washington and the Buccaneers both lose. The Packers also could sneak in as a wild card if Washington loses and Green Bay clinches the strength-of-victory tiebreaker over Tampa. To do that, the Packers need any one of the following four teams to lose in Week 17: San Francisco, Tennessee, Indianapolis or Dallas. But the main point here is: win and the Packers are in as a division champ.

5. New York Giants (10-5). The Giants didn’t get it done on Thursday against the Eagles, but the Saints helped them out by beating the Buccaneers, which allowed the Giants to clinch a spot in the NFC field. The Giants are locked into the No. 5 seed no matter what. They cannot improve or weaken their seeding, and they will open the playoffs at the home field of whichever team finishes in the No. 4 spot.

6. Detroit Lions (9-6). This is the most fragile seeding in the whole picture. Having lost Monday night in Dallas, Detroit still has a chance to finish as NFC North champ and will do so if it beats Green Bay on Sunday night. If Detroit loses Sunday, the Lions would need a Washington loss to get them in as a wild card.

Surging: Washington might have cost itself a playoff berth with its home loss in Week 15 to the Carolina Panthers, but it rebounded nicely Saturday and still is in the race. If Washington beats the Giants on Sunday — assuming the Detroit-Green Bay tilt doesn’t end in a tie — Washington will get in as a wild-card team.

Slipping: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers aren’t eliminated, but a ton has to happen for them to get in. They need to win. They need Washington to tie. They need Green Bay to lose. And they need all four of the following teams to win their Week 17 games: San Francisco, Tennessee, Indianapolis and Dallas. Sounds like next year for Tampa.

Worth noting: The Minnesota Vikings (7-8) started the season 5-0 but were eliminated from playoff contention with Saturday’s loss in Green Bay. They traded their first-round pick to the Eagles for quarterback Sam Bradford after Teddy Bridgewater got hurt, and now they face an early and uncertain offseason.

  • The Cleveland Browns won a game, now they have to live up to expectations……hahahahahahah, wait, no.  A winning streak to end the season at 2-14 is the NFL equivalent of the “Tallest Midget” syndrome.

browns

 

NFL MVP Race is Under Way

-originally posted on ESPN-


Previous polls: Week 15 | Week 14 | Week 13


1. Tom Brady, QB | New England Patriots

Regular-season passing: 249-for-372 (66.9 percent); 3,064 yards; 22 TDS; 2 INTs; 80.6 Total QBR

Case for Brady: As long as you don’t mind the fact that he has played 10 games and the other candidates have played 14, Brady is your guy. His numbers projected over 16 games would end up at 4,902 yards, 35 touchdowns and three interceptions — and he’s 9-1.

Case against Brady: He has played only 10 games, and the other candidates have played 14.


T2. Derek Carr, QB | Oakland Raiders

Regular-season passing: 336-for-529 (63.5 percent); 3,705 yards; 25 TDs; 6 INTs; 60.8 Total QBR

Case for Carr: He is the quarterback of an 11-3 team that has made the playoffs for the first time in 14 years, and his fourth-quarter performances have been sterling. Carr fits what the Raiders seem to be: an upstart, gunslinger-type squad that’s fun to imagine as even better than it is right now.

Case against Carr: He’s middle-of-the pack in QBR and several other key stats, and he was 0-2 this year against the Chiefs, the Raiders’ closest AFC West competitors. Carr’s performance in those big games could end up costing him votes.


T2. Ezekiel Elliott, RB | Dallas Cowboys

Regular-season rushing: 310 carries; 1,551 yards; 13 TDs
Regular-season receiving: 31 receptions; 351 yards; 1 TD

Case for Elliott: The Cowboys’ offense is built around the run, and Elliott has 327 more rushing yards than any other player in the league. He just cut through one of the league’s hottest defenses to the tune of 159 rushing yards, and he stayed on the field for a few third downs and made a big catch or two in that game. To borrow a timely catchphrase, he’s the MVP candidate doing the most good.

Case against Elliott: Quarterbacks tend to win this award, so it’s an uphill battle for anyone who plays Elliott’s position, no matter how well he might be playing it. And there are some who feel (unjustifiably) that Elliott’s performance is more a reflection of his offensive line’s performance than of anything special about Elliott himself.


4. Matt Ryan, QB | Atlanta Falcons

Regular-season passing: 319-for-465 (68.6); 4,336 yards; 32 TDs; 7 INTs; 81.8 Total QBR

Case for Ryan: No one matches Ryan on the raw numbers. He leads in Total QBR, ranks second in yards, first in yards per attempt, second in touchdown passes and third in completion percentage. Counting only those who have played the whole season, Ryan has been the best quarterback in the league this year. And he has a team with a shaky defense sitting there at 9-5 and in first place.

Case against Ryan: That 9-5 record is nice, but it’s not the 12-2 or 11-3 that some of the other candidates are rocking. And in a race this good, that can be held against you. Ryan also has a star running back helping him out in Devonta Freeman, so maybe that’s it. But honestly, I can’t figure out why he’s so low on this list.


5. Aaron Rodgers, QB | Green Bay Packers

Regular-season passing: 346-for-533 (64.9); 3,781 yards; 32 TDs; 7 INTs; 75.5 Total QBR

Case for Rodgers: Even after his much-publicized rough start, Rodgers is fourth in the NFL in QBR for the season. He is completing 70.7 percent of his passes and averaging 8.29 yards per attempt, and he has seven touchdown passes and no interceptions during the Packers’ current four-game winning streak. He’s also working with a third-string running back and a shaky defense.

Case against Rodgers: The Packers are only 8-6, and while they’ll win the NFC North with wins in their final two games, it took them way too long to get into gear. Rodgers’ early-season performance drags down his overall numbers and, likely, his overall case in the eyes of voters.

Jon Ryan’s “Oh Shit” Moment In TNF

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The Red Sea parted last night on a fake punt for Seattle Seahawks’ Jon Ryan, but the sea was angry my friends…….the sea was angry that day.

Running like a convict escaping from Shawshank, the fleet-footed-Everyone’s Uncle-Trying -to-Relive Past Glories-of a football player disguised as a NFL punter lost control of the ball as he attempted to switch hands (no doubt seeing the looming defender).  Causing a chain reaction that disrupted his own space-time continuum, resulting in a crushing blow to the head, not only knocking him out cold but also sending a ripple effect throughout our current scewed timeline which I can only imagine has lead us to the Trumptopian Government we now have in front of us.

RIP Jon Ryan faking a punt ever again.  It’s even better in real time.

Broncos’ Talib Is Gonna Beat Harry Douglas’ Ass This Summer

originally posted on deadspin.com


Aqib Talib Promises To Beat Harry Douglas’s Ass

Aqib Talib and the rest of the Broncos defense were furious with Titans receiver Harry Douglas after Douglas threw a cut-block right into Chris Harris Jr.’s right knee yesterday. Talib brawled with Douglas on the very next play, but that apparently wasn’t enough to satisfy his desire for revenge.

After the game, a still-fuming Talib stood in front of reporters and told them that he was going to beat Douglas up when he sees him in Atlanta. Broncos PR staff promptly ended the interview:

Talib wasn’t the only one who was still mad after the game. Harris Jr. called Douglas a “sorry receiver” during his postgame press conference, and said that Douglas should be fined for the hit. Defensive end Derek Wolfe claimed that the Titans’ offensive line was also playing dirty all game, and offered an invitation to Douglas:

Despite the anger and threats coming from the Broncos, Douglas maintained that his block on Harris Jr. was perfectly legal.  To Douglas’s credit, the block was technically legal: Harris Jr. wasn’t engaged with another blocker and was looking right at Douglas when the block came. That’s the kind of standard issue cut-block linemen and linebackers have to deal with all the time, but not something that cornerbacks normally out in space do. This is football, though, and technical legality doesn’t necessarily absolve a play from being dirty or dangerous.

Maybe The NFL Will Finally Pay Attention To The Real Problem

originally posted on deadspin.com

Serial Rapist Darren Sharper Sentenced To 20 Years In Prison

Photo: Bob Chamberlin/Associated Press

Darren Sharper was sentenced today to 20 years in prison for drugging and raping two women he met at a West Hollywood nightclub. The prison term will run concurrent to the previous sentence of 18 years, handed down by a New Orleans federal court earlier this year.

Sharper, who retired after 14 years in the NFL and later became an NFL Network analyst, has been accused of drugging and raping women in Southern California, Las Vegas, New Orleans, and Tempe, Ariz. Sharper pleaded guilty or no contest to drugging and assaulting nine women, the Los Angeles Timesreported. During sentencing in New Orleans, it was reported that 16 people came forward to say they were victims, although not all of those resulted in formal charges.

An initial global plea deal that would have given Sharper nine years in prison was rejected by U.S. District Judge Jane Triche Milazzo who said it was inappropriate and too lenient.

In the Los Angeles cases, Sharper pleaded no contest to drugging and raping two women. Before today’s sentencing in Los Angeles, one of the women spoke in the courtroom, the Times reported.

“I can only imagine myself lying there like a vegetable while he took advantage of my body without my permission,” one of the victims said in a downtown Los Angeles courtroom on Tuesday. “I have lost every bit of self confidence I’ve ever had and am always in fear while alone. It doesn’t matter whether it’s day or night, I can see a guy and automatically in my head think, ‘What if this guy tries to rape me?’”

Sharper is appealing his conviction in federal court.

Antonio Brown Is A Video Game

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Post-turkey, pre-couch nap, during your adult beverage digestif’, you may have noticed the garbage-fire of an attempt at competition that the NFL gave us Thursday night.  The Andrew Luck-less Colts showed less commitment towards employment than the button on most people’s jeans, losing to the Steelers  28-7.  Judging by the final score, the trainwreck doesn’t look overly butcherous, but this game was never actually close.

The real take from this Scott Tolzien-Colts offensive snooze-fest was witnessing Antonio Brown dismantle an entire team over and over and over again.  Brown amassed 3 receiving TDs while only being targeted six times last night, finishing with five receptions for 91 yards total.  On paper the yardage isn’t incredibly impressive, but the numbers turn ludicrous-speed when you factor in that 60% of the time he had his hands on the ball, the play ended with dancing in the endzone.  Antonio Brown is unguardable, Big Ben is getting healthy and Le’Veon Bell is back to beast-mode, which is why the Steelers can’t be counted out for a playoff run this season.  RIP to the Colts DB Vontae Davis’ knees and ankles.