Skip Bayless Is Leaving First Take, Stephen A Smith Will Continue The Shit-Show

Skip Bayless announced that he is leaving ESPN’s fake-ass debate show, “First Take” after the conclusion of the NBA Finals.  Reportedly he is making the jump over to FOX Sports One to be with the other most hated and un-likeable sports-troll, loud-mouthed Uncle, Colin Cowherd.

I can’t even get 1 minute into this sincere goodbye and thank you from Skip Bayless without wanting to choke myself with a bag of soiled underwear.  Both of these two sports-debate-manikans make my skin crawl, which is why i haven’t watched “First Take” consistently in several years.

Their opinions are forced and always have an over produced agenda, they talk about themselves more than any actual intelligent sports commentary and the amount of undying man-love tennis match of compliments that go back and forth between the two would make a sappy romantic novel writer want to gouge their eyes out with a rusty spoon.  Seriously, these two guys jerk each other off more than a prison yard bread-game session after a long, hard winter and 30 days in the hole (so many pseudo-sexual references there, just pick one).

In a sports version game of “Do one, Kill one, Marry one” with Stephen A Smith, Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd…..I’d kill myself and just be done with it.  Get the picture?

Now I’m sure that these guys are all great human beings behind closed doors and I hope to god they don’t actually believe all the bullshit they’re constantly shoveling (they absolutely do), but they’ve never shown it to me or anyone who’s watched a second of their “on-air personas”.  In a sports media world where we want truth and facts in everything reported both from the athletes and from the media, these guys excelled at bull-shit politicizing and selfishly rhetoric-ing us to death on a daily basis.

Is there anything worse than Skip Bayless and Colin Cowherd recreating Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee”?  Seriously, thanks for ruining that for us all.

We beg the athletes to be honest and candid but then the information is diluted and opinion-ized to death by ego-driven talking heads like the geniuses behind “First Take”.

Best of luck Skip Bayless, FOX Sports One is slowly becoming the overpaid and over-egoed, ESPN-sloppy seconds sports Network.  I’m sure you’ll do incredibly well there.

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OK, now for something positive about Skip Bayless.

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Everyone Has A Plan Until You Get Punched In The Face (a good waste of 15 minutes)

A great article posted on ESPN today listing the Top 25 Worst Blowouts In Sports History had me grinning like an idiot with string cheese while i sat at my cubical desk this morning.

The list is long and distinguished (zing), with the lowlights highlights of various games that I remembered starting with the New England Patriots 59-0 over the Tennessee Titans in 2009 when Tom Effing Brady threw 5 TDs in the second quarter.  Titans QBs, Kerry Collins and Vince Young COMBINED for -7 yards passing that day.  WOW.

I kept reading and stopped in my tracks at #21 on the list:  Mike Tyson def. Marvis Frazier, 30-second TKO……..then I found the fight on youtube (thanks internet):

It made me realize and remember just how much of a complete lunatic FORCE that Mike Tyson at age 20 really was.  If you’ve never watched a real Tyson fight, I mean from when he was REALLY Mike Tyson between 1987-1991ish, then here you go:

Have a happy Friday all you CoLA desciples.

 

 

 

 

Colin Cowherd is Leaving ESPN

FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH!

Colin Cowherd, a prominent, smart, objectivecoherent, warm body in a chair radio host that has polluted our airwaves with nonsensical, borderline racist, sports related jibberish since 2003 is finally leaving ESPN.  The departure seems to be in good terms on both sides, although I can’t imagine ANYONE with any sense in their head will actually miss him at the Mothership.

I know I won’t miss accidentally hearing his mouth-breathing, out of touch rants while radio surfing during my morning drive.

“We’ve enjoyed a mutually beneficial run with Colin for over a decade,” ESPN president John Skipper said in a released statement. “He came to national prominence on ESPN with his unique perspective on sports and society. Endings also bring new beginnings, for ESPN and Colin, and we thank him and wish him the best.”

As I’ve written before (click here), Cowherd inexplicably remained at ESPN for waaaaaay too long bellowing out incoherent sports ramblings, like a racist old man trying to return soup at a deli.

He picked fights with every good sports radio personality in the biz, including a man who’s on the Mount Rushmore of talking heads: Dan Patrick.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Cowherd’s idiocracy, I’ve linked more Cowherd write-ups below if you care to continue reading.  For now, let’s all rejoice in the fact that ESPN is improving themselves by moving on from the Cowherd years.

Links to check out:

http://deadspin.com/the-worst-men-in-sports-5748972

http://thebiglead.com/2015/02/04/dan-patrick-continues-colin-cowherd-rebuttal-i-thought-he-did-a-disservice-to-skip-bayless-and-jim-rome/

http://deadspin.com/why-colin-cowherd-keeps-getting-away-with-this-john-wal-1616964080

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2015/07/16/colin-cowherd-is-leaving-espn/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/wp/2014/08/06/john-wall-getting-cut-from-usa-basketball-team-prompts-colin-cowherd-to-talk-about-the-dougie/

http://deadspin.com/colin-cowherd-will-never-shut-up-about-john-wall-1566148526

ESPYs 2015 are TONIGHT

The Academy Awards of the sports world commence tonight in Los Angeles, CA at 8pm eastern time.  You still have time to vote for all the athletic categories now online: CLICK HERE to cast your votes.

In addition, you can (should) also CLICK HERE to DONATE to the Jimmy V Foundation.

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Everyone in America has had some relationship with cancer, we’ve all at the very least known someone who has been diagnosed with this terrible disease.  Do your part NOW to help the cause, donate to the Jimmy V Cancer Research Fund.  Donate whatever you can, every bit helps.

Now, I’m going to make you cry AND motivate you all at the same time…..well actually Jimmy Valvano will do it better than I ever could:

“Don’t Give Up, Don’t Ever Give Up.”

Don’t be a dick, spend 2 minutes and go donate.  EVERY amount helps.

When it Rains it Pours: Ty Lawson Edition

Sometimes you get the worm and sometimes the worm gets you.

According to TMZ, Denver Nuggets point guard (soon to be traded) Ty Lawson was arrested early this morning on the 101 freeway in Los Angeles on DUI charges.  Amazingly, in the video on the linked page (click here if you missed it) it seems likely that TMZ talked to Ty outside the club only minutes before he was pulled over.

Troy-Babbitt

According to police he was pulled over for speeding, then given a field sobriety test that he failed.  He was taken to jail and bail was set at $5,000 which is a drop in the bucket for a man who had $6,000 in cash in his pockets.

Cops say during the arrest, Lawson identified himself as an NBA player — and was carrying $6,000 IN CASH on his person. 

This is the second DUI arrest for Lawson in the past 6 months, he was pulled over in January by Denver police after a team dinner event.   He also reportedly has a DUI in Missouri from a few years ago.

The borderline All-Star is going through a tough time on and off the court right now, the Nuggets recently signed veteran point guard Jameer Nelson to a 3-year deal AND they drafted another point guard, Emmanuel Mudiay, who is KILLIN IT in the NBA Summer league.

A smarter person than I would read between the lines here and see a probably depressed guy (Lawson) who is struggling with everything that he holds close, he’s a man without a country at the moment waiting for an impending trade out of Denver and yet sports-professionalism says he can’t even really discuss it publicly.  He’s between a rock and hard place in his professional career.

Having said that, I do have a suggestion for him: Bruh…….just Uber it, seriously.  Get the app, it’s free, Uber.

uber

Top Five Sports Films of All-Time

In no official order, here’s my all-time Top Five Sports Films:

  • Bull Durham

Too many classic lines from this movie to even list, “Announce my presence with authority”.

“(Coach) Ya lolly-gag around the infield, ya lolly-gag your way down to first, ya lolly-gag in and out of the dugout, Do you know what that makes you?……..Larry…………..(Larry) Lolly-gaggers.”

“(Coach) What’s our record Larry?  (Larry) Eight and sixteen.  (Coach) Eight and sixteen…….how’d we ever win eight?  (Larry) It’s a miracle.  (Coach) It’s a miracle.”

While meeting at the mound during a game:  “(Crash) Well, Nuke’s scared cause his eyelids are jammed and his old man is here….we need a live roo, was it a live rooster?  We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to give Milly or Jimmy for their wedding present…that about right?  We’re dealing with a lot of shit.  (Larry) OK, well uh, candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered, maybe a place-setting or silverware pattern is good.”

I could ask 20 guys what their favorite line from Bull Durham is and I’d get 20 different answers.

  • Field of Dreams

(No, I’m not in love with Kevin Costner)  Field of Dreams sums up every man’s caveman desire to create something magical and wonderful that will change the world forever while also impressing a girls……and playing catch with your Dad.  I will at some point in my life, build a baseball field in my backyard, hire local community theater-actors to play various roles from the film and play catch with a cardboard cut-out of Ray Liotta.  Although by the time this all happens, maybe Ray will be looking for that kind of work and get him for a cheap day-rate.

  • Hoosiers

Jimmy Chitwood has MAYBE four total lines in the whole movie, but they are by far the most memorable lines in the entire film.  “I’ll make it” makes my skin tingly from head to toe and my inner-twelve year-old innocence, blind belief in something good and overall hope for the future ooze out of my 30-something grinning idiot face right now as I posted that video.

  • Caddyshack

EVERY TIME I go golfing for the rest of my life, I will say “nanananananananananananananah” while putting on the practice green.  I also tend to find myself singing: “I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first” at least once a week while standing in an elevator by myself.  Oh, and by the way, your Uncle molests collies.

  • White Men Can’t Jump

I bet you’ve never seen the trailer for this movie until right now have you?

Due to this movie, I’ve literally said on the court, “It is haaard god-damn work being this good.” and “Hey, who you calling a goofy white muthafucker?”  This movie introduced everyone to REAL TRASH TALK on a basketball court.  Something that is sorely LACKING in the world of basketball right now.

Cooler than the Other Side of the Pillow

The sports world lost a great man this morning, ESPN’s Stuart Scott passed away after a long battle with cancer.

I personally felt a strong connection to Stuart, he began his work on ESPN as an anchor on Sportscenter right when I was coming into my own as a high school athlete and a fan of the hip-hop and basketball culture.  He brought a voice and an energy with him like the hopeful roar of a home crowd as the ball is tossed up in the air for the opening tip.

He was impossible to ignore and even more impossible to NOT instantly be attached.

He represented a well needed, young and ever-evolving voice on the 24 hour sports news network that EVERYONE in my generation gravitated to.  He was cooler than any person we knew in real life and we admired everything he did without even knowing we did.

While hearing his voice over highlights during several video tributes today, I was instantly transported back to high school and college memories of coming home from basketball practice, plopping myself down on the couch and watching the latest highlights only to hear catch-phrases like “BooYah!”, “Cooler than the other side of the pillow” and “Like gravy on a biscuit, it’s all good”.  Stuart Scott made me laugh on a daily basis, which is more than I can say for most people I know.

Stuart Scott will be sorely missed by many, I’m not overstating anything by admitting that I’ll think about him everyday for the rest of my life, considering I watch Sportscenter religiously.   And every day I’ll be expecting to hear his cool, excited voice belting out “BooYah!”at the crack of the bat for a home run highlight or when Kobe Bryant hits a game-winner at the buzzer garnishing his description as “cooler than the other side of the pillow”.

The truth is, Stuart Scott was cooler than the other side of the pillow, HE was the highlight that we were watching, not the home run or the game-winning jumper.

Rich Eisen Fills Whole Highlight Package With Stuart Scott Catchphrases.

written by:  Casey S. Gutting

NFL Shop commercial explains EXACTLY what’s wrong with American Sports Fans

This commercial makes me wanna puke, pee my pants and then break something EVERY time I see it.

This terrible, band-wagon humping family should all be taken out back and shot with t-shirt guns until they bleed internally.

So lemme get this strait, every time you move to a new place or meet a new person in your life, you just change team affiliations completely?!?!

Like you are a some kind of NFL team-traveling salesman-fan, you just become a new fan of what ever team is in the city you are currently in like some lemming running off the sports-fan edge of a cliff like a mongoloid football with no laces and no pointed ends duck-spiraling out of control into the abyss of band-wagoning hell!?!?!

WTF is going on in America!?!?!  Stick with the team you started with, you don’t just DECIDE to change completely!!!  I believe strongly that a person can request ONLY one overall change of team fan-dom in their entire lifetime.  If you grow up a Vikings fan, when you reach an appropriate age of adulthood, you may apply for a “team affiliation change”, with the department of band-wagon teams.  But the prerequisite list of statutes must be met in order for you to be accepted into the new team’s affiliation.

Prerequisite list of statutes for acceptance to change of fan affiliation (Professional Level Sports):

1)  Your previous team has to be out of playoff AND championship contention for at least half of your lifetime.

2)  You must be older than 30 years old, because until you hit 30, you don’t know shit about shit and the fact that you don’t even know that you don’t know shit about shit means you’re under 30 years old.

3)  Your previous team must have blown at least 5 consecutive drafts, leading to no young players on the roster worth anything, OR continually draft long-shot Europeans that NEVER pan out (Denver Nuggets, Atlanta Hawks, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves).

4)  You reside in any city/state that doesn’t really matter (in sports, I’m sure they’re all fine places to live and raise kids though):  Orlando, Toronto, Vancouver, Minneapolis, ANY of the Dakotas, hell anything north of Colorado; Nevada, Maine, Connecticut, Utah, Wyoming…….am I missing any?  If you live in these places, you can choose who to root for based on mascot or colors in the rainbow for all I care. **

5)  You’ve never had an affiliation with any pro team, therefor you have a one-time choice when ever you wish to choose.  But choose wisely:

6)  If a new team relocates to your current city, you may join the local fan union for a trial period of 6 months, if after that 6 month-trial you are not completely satisfied with the team, you may dump the local team to the curb.  This mostly will apply to sports fans in the cities of LA, Seattle or any other expansion city.

The exception cities to all these rules are:  Cleveland (any team) and Chicago (Cubs only), cause I mean seriously, it’s ridiculous.  Do whatever the hell you want.

**footnote** Denver would be on this list if it wasn’t for the Elway/Manning-lead Denver Broncos teams and Colorado Avalanche teams of the late 90s-early 2000s

 

written by: Casey S. Gutting